Help - suspected mmc not progressing, what should I do?

[Ergs20]

Hi everyone - just after some advice/support... I found out I was pregnant at 4w+1 and my gosh hubby and I were so excited. We already have a DD and desperately want a second.

At 5w+6 I had some pink discharge, followed by brown for 2 days. I called my GP who referred me to EPU (though had to wait until 6w+4 for a scan). By this point, I was bleeding but not heavily at all, and had intermittent mild cramps.

At the scan I was told the sac looked irregular, and they were unable to find a heartbeat. A pregnancy test was still showing as positive though they didn't share whether my hcg levels were "normal". I was told to leave and come back in 2 weeks for a further scan, but that it was likely a "failed pregnancy" (unhelpful terminology, made us feel like crap) and I may miscarry naturally in the meantime.

That was 2 days ago. I am still bleeding lightly. My pregnancy symptoms have disappeared and I feel like I am in limbo, I don't feel like I can face going back to work (I had a couple of days off last week when i first started bleeding). But at the same time I feel like until (if?) something happens I can't justify being off sick. And two weeks until I am next assessed feels like a torturous wait. DH is also struggling to cope.

Just after advice really... Can I/should I ask for a scan sooner? Should I go back to work while I am waiting? Any help welcomed as honestly I just don't know what to do.

Hi @Ergs20, so sorry to hear what you are going through.

I had a similar experience back in October, I paid for a private scan at 9 weeks to find no heartbeat. It was the strangest thing as my pregnancy symptoms were very much live and I didn’t know any different. I then got referred to the NHS EPU and they said there was no heartbeat, but they sent me away as they have some guidelines to ensure the pregnancy actually isn’t progressing before they offer you another scan (I thought this was crazy as two people had already told me by this point there was no heart beat and baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks). They also said they were sending me home to try and miscarry naturally.

I was in complete shock and limbo waiting for what happened next, fortunately I was already off work that week but I did need time off the following week. This is completely down to you and what you need. I thought I had miscarried naturally but the following day the pain got really intense and I had a large clot stuck it my womb (I don’t want this to scare you - I have a clotting disorder). So I needed extra help from the hospital.

I want to be completely upfront with you and be as prepared as you can, for me it was the most physically and emotionally challenging time of my life. I don’t think the EPU prepared me enough for what happened. And I felt constantly backwards and forwards as they usually scan you to check for any retained products. However, I know that every woman is different and experiences will vary one to another.

The most important thing is taking time for yourself and being kind to yourself. I was surprised how many people I spoke to had been through something similar which really helped me heal. My work were also very understanding and compassionate - which I wasn’t expecting.

Xxx

Thanks @Lifeafterloss22 - sorry to hear you went through the same thing. It's crazy how little this is spoken about outside niche circles like MN. It's both reassuring and incredibly sad to hear other people's stories.

I am just so paralysed by (a) not feeling I can do anything, let alone work, with this hanging over me; and (b) feeling like if this carries on for another 2 weeks+, work is going to lose patience with me and/or the GP won't continue to provide sick notes. I am also massively aware that it's my DD's birthday in 4 weeks and I don't want this situation to impact what should be a happy and exciting time for her. Gosh this is awful :(

I had similar with my 2nd MC - no heartbeat at private scan 6.5w, they said I might be earlier but was quite sure of my dates. Meant to go back after two weeks to rescan but bled so went to EPAU at 7w, who said I needed to be rescanned after 2 weeks. Went back and they'd lost the first EPAU scan and wanted me to wait another two weeks.
Luckily I had the private scan report so they then agreed it was an MC based on that, and gave me options of waiting, medication or d&c.
I was booked for d&c (as I was worried about waitong ages and having time off work) but had a lot of heavier bleeding, persuaded them to check again before anaesthesia and they found my cervix was open & I seemed to be doing it naturally so they gave medication and didn't do the d&c.

I ended up having three weeks off work in total & my gp was fine with extending my sick cert. I was bleeding pretty heavily for most of that and had a 1.5 hour commute by public transport, and frankly I wasn't in an emotional state to work. The feeling of it "hanging over me" and the fact I was in pain and having unpredictable heavy floods were more than enough for GP to sign me off.

I remember reading on here people saying they worked through their MCs or only took a day off and feeling like a failure but MCs can be very different! I ended up on antidepressants after the second one but was fine after the first and third.

I only took a day off with my third MC, for example, and had my annual review while actively miscarrying, but it was a totally different experience. I wasn't in pain, the bleeding was manageable and most importantly I was working from home so didn't have to contend with the commute and was always in reach of a toilet if needed.

Thanks @awkwardpaws27, sounds like you have had a mixed bag. So sorry to hear you have had to go through this three times

I am half tempted to call EPU again tomorrow and ask if my second scan can be brought forward. The consultant I saw seemed to be quite sure that there were significant concerns about my pregnancy and two weeks just feels like an inhumane amount of time to make us wait if things don't progress naturally. I don't know whether I am just more upset today because it's mothers day - feels brutal to be going through this today. I am too scared to even leave the house to go and see my mum in case something happens, and honestly I could just really do with a hug :(

You can certainly ask for the scan to be moved but they may not agree. If not, try asking for a repeat HCG blood test - they did this after a few days with my third to confirm.

I think the scan twice weeks apart rule/policy is common & the wait is so hard, but I guess they don't want to initiate management if dates are wrong or it was a poor scan view (the sac is so tiny early on that it can be difficult to visualise depending where its implanted - with my third they scanned me twice and spent ages trying to work out if what they could see was an ectopic pregnancy or a degenerating fibroid (luckily was the later).

It's bloody hard though & sorry you are going through this.

I conceived very quickly after #3 & am now 30 weeks so don't lose hope x