1 yr anniversary since 9 wk mc

[whymewhyme]

So this sunday marks 1 yr since my mc, i was only 9 weeks so i feel abit of a fraud for even posting. It was a early loss but so wanted and longed for. I'm still upset but it everyday.

this week has been very hard for me and luckily for me I'm off work this weekend do at least i can deal with it at home. I'm just gutted, 12 months on from the mc and were still trying, I can't take much more ttc even tho I'm desperate to expand our familly. Ttc has taken evry ounce of my energy and im misserable all the time.

The guilt i feel for not being able to give my lb a sibling is crushing, he is desperate for a sibling and tell's me daily that he's lonely and he will be a good big brother. Which is sweet and sad in equal measures.

If i talk about it people just cloud over and tell me to have a break, relax, stop trying and it will happen, be happy you have a child already and the one most recently was ....you must be doing something wrong! FUCK OFF.

I don't even know why im posting i just need to tell people who get it.

I’m so sorry your in this position it’s so so hard. We have a DS who is three, we’ve been trying since he turned 2 and on Wednesday I had surgical management for a missed miscarriage that was discovered at 9 weeks. So I can empathise to some extent as to where you’re at right now. Sadly there’s not much to I can say that will make you feel any better. Just I can understand your frustrations, sadness and all the other emotions that come with this journey. Before we finally got pregnant this second time I’d taken up fertility yoga- Bettina Rae on YouTube. No idea how much it helped but felt like I was at least doing something that couldn’t hurt. Have you had any investigations with the GP? I found it frustrating that nobody else seemed concerned as on ‘average it takes 12 months’ but that is an eternity when it’s all you want. I’m really not sure you can take a break. It consumes your mind- I think a break ends up more like giving up hope? I’m sorry I haven’t anything more useful to say but I hope you can weather this storm and there is a positive outcome in the not so distant future x

Thank you for your lovely reply x

I get it. I’m with you OP. Do you have any support? Can you talk to your partner about it? Have you had some counselling?

No councilling, went to drs today with every intention of asking about it but forgot...silly me. Spoke to husband, no one else really. Mum doesn't get it.

I'm so sorry. Have you done anything to mark your baby's loss? Had a memorial service, planted a tree or something? I found that helped.

It's hard

I'm just at the end of my teather, I've had bloods and checked I am ovulating which I am, I've had a internal and external scan which is fine, been told its unlikely we will get any help with fertility as we have 1 child already. Husbands had a sperm analysis which came back fine. TTC is totaly ruining my life,im so drained and worn out. I'm not happy i just go through the motions with everything.

Oh you poor, poor love. There's nothing anyone can say to make it better and I won't offer any useless platitudes or crappy advice, other than to say please don't feel guilty about not providing a siblings you can help it. There are thousands of very happy only children in the world.

Only because it might make it easier for you to deal with. But I do understand how unbearably hard it is, especially when you have no answers. I'm so sorry.