I just wanted to cancel my booking appt 😥

[Margo34]

This is long, I need a space to vent and check I did the right thing.

So at 8w pregnant I started light, barely there brown spotting. 8+1 same scant spotting, 8+2 slightly less scant but still brown spotting. Weekend now so MW and GP closed, think to myself I'll call Monday.

8+3 spotting in the AM, red bleed in the afternoon - no longer just spotting but still v light. No pain, no cramps, still feeling nauseous. Went to bed. Stood up in the night, sudden gush, hobbled to bathroom, I had flooded a pad and passed a clot in the lav (deflated golf ball kind of size).
This is a miscarriage. No question about it. Rush of loss, grief. Awake the rest of the night in tears.

First thing next morning - called MW to cancel my booking appt which had been booked for 9w, had to explain on the phone what happened. Receptionist refused to cancel my appt and said "I won't cancel it, call your GP to get a referral to EPU, good luck". Whatever, I just want to cancel the appt.

Called GP. Explained again over the phone what happened. Receptionist said she'd book a telephone consult at 5pm with GP who could make the referral. So I sit around distressed and upset, in cancelling limbo, waiting for GP call. 5:55pm still no call so I rang back - no record of an appt for me, am asked to explain what happened (yet again) and told "don't know what you want GP to do, but you can try call again tomorrow. Or speak to the Oncall GP" I just want to cancel my MW appt. "We can't help with that". Fudge sake. I'm getting upset and even more distressed by the minute. "Oncall GP says they can't do anything so we've booked you an appt 830am tomorrow with a GP by phone". Fine.

Settle in to my evening and try to process the day.

845pm - Oncall GP phones me."Talk me through what happened." AGAIN?! WHY? YOU ALREADY SAID YOU WONT CANT DO ANYTHING WHY ARE YOU EVEN CALLING NOW. Riled, distressed, angry, frustrated. Oncall GP says they can't refer me to EPU because it's closed now (well yeah it's nearly 9pm). So I'll have my GP appt tomorrow morning to tell them what happened and they'll make the referral. I said I don't want to have to relive it for a 5th time to yet another different person, I'm in emotional state and it isn't fair to put me through it again. Oncall GP cancels my morning appt and says they'll make referral to EPU in the morning themselves.

Text from Oncall GP next morning - referral made, EPU will contact me before lunch to make an appt. All morning I sit in limbo again, waiting for a call, worrying about having to relive it all again at some time soon. Lunch comes and goes. No call. 2pm, 3pm, 4pm still no call.

I call MW again and ask again to cancel my MW appt. Explained I'd tried to speak to GP as per their instructions yesterday but had been passed from pillar to post, never got a call back from EPU and got nowhere when all I want to do is cancel the MW appt and move on. "Oh, ok then, I've cancelled it for you." Just like that. I get angry and upset and distressed on the phone "well why couldn't you just do that yesterday, what difference does it make whether you cancel it yesterday or today?! I'm experiencing a miscarriage, it's emotional enough without having to relive it 5 times to 5 different people and sit in limbo waiting for nothing, for absolutely nothing, for no reason when you could have just cancelled it in the first place! You put me through unnecessary stress and are causing me to have a breakdown, why would you do that to someone going through this when all they want to do is cancel care and recover in peace?!!!" Silence. "I'm sorry we just thought you'd like to...." I just hung up.

I just wanted to cancel the MW appt. Why was it so hard and why was I put under so much emotional strain to do it?

I needed a space to vent. Thank you.

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that on top of a miscarriage. It's shit. I've been there. There really should be a better way of sorting these things out but none of the systems are linked so you have to tell far too many people over and over to get anywhere.

I'm really sorry you're experiencing this. With my second, I had a huge bleed I thought had to be a MC. Later that night I had another that involved a very big clot that I thought had to be the foetus. It wasn't, and DC 2 is now 10. So it may not be the outcome you're dreading

@Margo34 the ‘miscarriage admin’ with the NHS is absolutely shocking. With my first miscarriage the midwife phoned me when I should’ve been 16 weeks to ask me why I’d not come for my appointment. I’d had a miscarriage and miscarriage surgery at 13 weeks (at the same hospital).

With my last miscarriage I counted I had to make around 10 phones to EPU, IVF and recurrent miscarriage to try and sort things. EPU I was on hold for 51 minutes. They still didn’t cancel my scan or my follow up appointment.

I also between these had an appointment with recurrent miscarriage where the nurse said I’ve not got your notes can you talk me through your miscarriages!

Hope you’re looking after yourself!

💐. Please take care of yourself. You deserved better treatment

It is fucking awful I am so sorry you had to go through that my heart breaks that women continue to be not listened to. I went through similar with 2 miscarriages and a still birth. Why aren't these systems still nit connected??!!

I've just received my 12w scan appt letter in today's post and realised I'm gonna have to call and cancel that too now, aren't I?

This is utterly awful @Margo34 I think, if and when you feel up to it, an email of complaint to your surgery's practise manager might be in order and if this is also your local hospitals procedure then an email to PALS. No one should have to go through such a traumatic event and then have to relive it more than once to get something done.
Please take care of yourself and so sorry for your loss

If you feel up to it, contact your local maternity Voices partnership (find them on the national Maternity Voices website) and share your feedback with them (you could just email a copy of your post) as they can raise this with senior staff and make changes.

Put, just don't go, what are they gonna do? You tried to cancel it, its their fault if the midwife gets put out.

I'm really sorry you've had to go through this.
I'm also shocked at the lack of joined-up-ness - it is 2022, we've had the internet for around 30 years now. In no other industry would this be acceptable- everything is online these days, why can the NHS not digitise properly?
I know you are pretty sure it's a miscarriage, but it's probably worth doing a pregnancy test just to be sure, maybe in a few days time when your hormones have settled more.
Meanwhile, is there someone else who can deal with the cancellations for you? It's very upsetting for you to have to keep on going through this with strangers, can someone else take that load for you?
Meanwhile, miscarrying can be physically very draining - look after yourself, get rest, take time off work if you need to. If you experience pain/discomfort/more bleeding it might be worth getting checked in A&E to make sure your body has evacuated everything it needs to.

I wouldn't. It's not your responsibility to do their job.

Ignore them, rip it up and bin it. If they call just hang up if you're not up for a discussion. You have suffered enough.