"How many weeks?"

[redbigbananafeet]

Why do people ask this when you say you've miscarried? I feel they're making a judgement then like '8 weeks is sad but 5 weeks is not really.' I feel like I have to justify my level of grief somehow.

You’re right- it shouldn’t matter at any stage.
Grief is grief no matter how long it’s been. I think people like to be nosey and start with comparisons.
If you’re up to it then I’d return with the question of what it matters to them as it really doesn’t change the situation.
I’m sorry you’re going through this ❤️

I think because it can be called a miscarriage right up until 23 weeks.

I lost my first baby at 22 weeks and had to deliver her. My second baby I lost at approx 6 weeks. Completely different experiences.

However, that doesn't change the loss and I'm sorry people have made you feel as though it's not important. No matter how many weeks, every baby counts to those that loved them and couldn't wait to meet them.
Sorry for your loss

Sorry OP. It is shit whenever it happens x

I’m horrified that people would ask that (though not necessarily surprised). People have no right to that information but of course that doesn’t stop them being rude enough to ask. You could say something like ‘a few months’ which is quite vague.

Or maybe don’t answer, say something like ‘I’m finding it quite tough physically and emotionally.’ People really can be dicks 🙁

It shouldn't matter of course but as someone who experienced 7 losses between 6 weeks and 12 weeks and then a few chemicals you to 5 weeks - some where heartbeats had been seen and others where they weren't I can understand why people do ask - perhaps it's a generational thing - my mothers generation didn't consider themselves pregnant until they had missed 2 periods so 8 weeks pregnant. She very much struggled to understand why I was upset at 6 week losses until I showed her my twins at 6 weeks with heartbeats and again at 7 weeks. It's very personal but I do look on some of my losses differently to others - mainly around whether a heartbeat was detectable or not but I guess unfortunately I've had so many that I've had to compartmentalise them this way

I think because the later it is the more bleeding and pain you are likely to get and the more time you have 'felt' pregnant and got used to the idea of the baby. A miscarriage at 12 weeks is physically more traumatic than one at 6, but regardless the emotional attachment can be the same, depending on the mother.

Hi am I being over sensitive here

So I went to my appointment and was told I've had a missed miscarriage I should have been 9 weeks no heartbeat my partner (don't live together) I told him he didn't come down to see me yes he works a 9-5 job we love 1.5hr away.

I went to see him weekend gone and yesterday despite him knowing I wasn't well felt dizzy said he needed to go had family to see. I drove back he didn't message to see if I got home ok then the bleeding started I messaged he did seem concerned called messaged etc...

Today I expected him to drive down to see me but nothing he was working in the day then later this evening I've called him pouring my heart out absolutely broken 20 mins later he said he needed to go as his family were over.

I feel like I've gone through this whole process on my own

@SharonR88 I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but I think you know what to do with the waste of space bf now

I agree op. I generally think it’s nosiness but people need to just bite their tongue and be supportive.

I also think sometimes people don’t know what else to say. (And actually these threads are helpful so people know not to ask).