I wanted to share my story on this topic, as mumsnet has really helped me through these difficult times.
I had my first baby in May 2020 at 35 years of age. I felt very fortunate that we conceived after a few months and my pregnancy was without complications (apart from the 5 day labour which ended in an emergency C-Sec!). I always knew the chance of a miscarriage was high, but in the back of my mind I thought it would never happen to me (never drank, smoked, ate very well, exercised often etc).
TTC baby no. 2 has been a very different story. Things started off well, we conceived in an even shorter amount of time than the first time, and my pregnancy seemed to progress. I had all the usual symptoms, fatigue, mild nausea, tender boobs, coffee aversion, expanding waistline.
One week before my 12 week scan I started to get some brown discharge which progressed to a very small amount of brown blood. I got my 12 week scan expedited and had it at 11 + 5. I knew in my mind it was a 50/50 chance of a good outcome, but I was hopeful. The scan showed a completely empty sac and I knew right away what this meant. They said I'm having a "missed miscarriage". My gestational sac was measuring 12 weeks but my body didn't get the message that the embryo had died many weeks prior. We were both a little sad but knew deep down that it's just how nature works and the process of having a baby. I was mostly upset about how cruel this was that I had to go through 12 weeks of pregnancy without actually "being pregnant". I was concerned how I would miscarry, and was told "natural miscarriage" was the gold standard (this was wrong advice and they should have warned me that a natural miscarriage after 9-10 weeks has a higher chance of complications). Anyway, I wanted to give the natural method a go as I've never had surgery before or a general anaesthetic. I didn't think there was any point in having the pills to induce me either, as they reassured me it should happen naturally and be like a "heavy period". I got the worst advice from the EPU, I left with no real expectation on how things could go, I knew to expect lots of blood and clots given I was so far along, but wasn't given much advice on how much was too much blood loss.
As it happened, my miscarriage started that night. I had bad cramping that quickly progressed to early labour-type contractions. I was bent over on the floor in pain and then assumed the same position over the toilet. I bled over the toilet for 4 hours, like a trickling tap combined with many clots. I called the EPU and was advised to call the ambulance. I felt like a fraud in the ambulance as I felt alert and well in myself. When I got to hospital the bleeding had mostly stopped but my iron levels took a little drop. I was convinced the miscarriage was over with but they kept me overnight to monitor. I saw the consultant the next day and he was about to discharge me. Moments before I got discharge the pain and contractions started up again, I just couldn't believe it!! I was never warned that a miscarriage can stop and start so abruptly, with hours of no pain or bleeding in-between. I bled even worse this time around, I can only describe it as vomit amounts of blood coming out from below. I couldn't make it to the toilet so they brought a commode into my room, and the nurses could finally see I wasn't exaggerating! After a couple of hours of this non-stop bleeding I started to feel light headed, I was very worried at this point and begged them to get a gynae consultant to see me ASAP (I was on a surgical ward and didn't feel like the nurses really knew much about miscarriage, let alone haemorrhaging through one). Very soon after being seen again by the gynae team they finally confirmed I wasn't passing any pregnancy tissue but in fact I was haemorrhaging badly, I needed emergency surgery immediately. They checked my iron which was also dangerously low now at 79. My lips were pale, and I could no longer even lift my head off the pillow. Cut the story short, I had a very successful ERPC and 3 blood transfusions. They told me I had lost a lot of blood, around 2.5 litres which is close to half my blood supply. My life was saved and I was forever grateful to the compassionate anaesthetist that acted fast and took my situation so seriously. Side note - anaesthetists are next in line to God!
While I was recovering the next day I was overcome with shock and anger at what I went through, and why I wasn't scanned to check the pregnancy tissue had passed after the first round of bleeding. I felt like I was left alone in a hospital room to basically bleed to death. I was unlucky that this was a Sunday and they apparently didn't have access to scans. Having a miscarriage is bad enough, but in a 1st world country you just don't expect to almost die from one - let alone in a hospital setting!
I took iron supplements for 3 months and conceived when my levels were back to normal. This time around I was confident that surely a miscarriage would be a one off (only 5% of couples have two in a row, and 1% have 3 in a row, I didn't think my luck could be this bad!).
I was wrong, at 5 weeks I had some light brown tinged discharge for a week, so I went for an early scan at 6+4 and they said there was no heart beat. A second scan a week later confirmed there was no hope, another missed miscarriage. I couldn't believe this could happen to me so soon after the first time round! I sat in the waiting room and cursed in my head at all the obese women sitting there happily pregnant! Why me and not them? I counted 3 obviously clinically obese women properly pregnant, it just felt so unfair when it's a known fact that obesity puts women at a much higher risk of miscarriage.
This time around I chose to have the surgery right away. I had a good experience with the surgery the first time round, so there was no way I was going to risk the potential complications again. They knew my risk of haemorrhaging was high so I was lucky that they put my on an expedited list for the surgery. I had the SMM at 8+2. Everything went well and so smoothly, I've had absolutely no pain or bleeding after both these procedures.
As a needle phobic person who had never even had surgery or a general anaesthetic before all of this, I just wanted to reassure you that the surgical management of miscarriage (most people call it a D&C), is nothing short of amazing compared to the potential complications of a natural / medical (medicine) management. It is safe, quick, virtually painless and puts the misery out of your mind so quickly so you can recover and move on. Count yourself lucky if you're one of the women who can miscarry simple at home like a "heavy period", but don't be afraid when faced with the prospect of surgery.
I am hoping to not be part of that 1% statistic of multiple miscarriage, I hope this is really all down to chance / luck. Praying for third time lucky...