I lost my baby boy at 17 weeks. The post-mortem is done and he is ready to be cremated. Me and DH originally said we did not want a service, we just wanted his ashes returned to us afterwards, but now I’ve found out that our hospital always arranges a service at the local crematorium even if the parents don’t want to attend. So we’ve thought about it and told them we do want to attend.
But now they’re talking about prayers and readings and music and it feels like a full-on funeral, not just a small quick thing. I already said goodbye to my baby in hospital, I only want to go because I can’t bear the thought of him being alone and thinking that nobody loved him (irrational I know).
I know I can say no to all the things listed above, it’s just made me feel really really sad having to think about all this. If i do end up agreeing to any extra bits like this, it feels like it’s getting out of hand and becoming a huge deal which I really didn’t want. Not because I don’t care, I just don’t want to live with the memory of ‘my baby’s funeral’ forever. It’s a cremation service, that’s it.
Another thing, me and DH want it to be just us. Now, our family and friends would all totally understand and accept this… except for my mother. She would insist on coming. If I said no, she’d act like it was the most upsetting thing in the entire world, waterworks, guilt-tripping, you name it. So for this reason, not only are we going to have to hide this from her, basically forever, we can’t tell anyone else either as it might get out. And also I’d feel really bad for keeping it only from her. But she doesn’t help herself by being so OTT and dramatic in these sorts of situations.
Sorry that went off on a bit of a tangent there, I don’t have many people I feel comfortable speaking about this to.