Miscarriage at 12+3

[Zincoop]

I have just found out that my baby has no heart beat at my 12 week scan. The baby is measuring 12+3 so must have passed away sometime this week.

I've decided to have Conservative management (I think that's what the hospital call it) at home and just wondered if anyone could tell me what to expect? I've had a mc before at 6 weeks but the nurse said obviously as the baby is bigger it might be more painful

Hello Zincoop. I’m so sorry that you are going though this. I had a missed miscarriage just before to Christmas; went in to hospital as I was getting some light bleeding at just under 12 weeks (4 days before 12 week scan). I chose medical management; which was tablets vaginally and then orally the next day at home. Is conservative where your body naturally miscarries? I am sure somebody will be here soon to describe their experience. I do know everyone’s experience is different.

I had co codamol pain relief to hand and did need it. A hot water bottle to hand is really beneficial. With mine things progressed in 2 days and then I did experience (sorry if tmi) clots, which were quite big and heavy bleeding and did leak on bed sheets. I felt more comfortable laying down initially for the first day. I have a 2.8 year old and needed partner/ mum to mind her as I felt unable to physically and emotionally that day. Bleeding reduced and I did think it had stopped on day 3 but then on day 5 I had quite severe pains and the next day I passed what I believe was the sac or placenta? As pain went and then had light flow like at the end of your period. The reason I’m mentioning this is that I assumed it would be final and not stop and start but having spoken to others who’ve experienced similar it can be like this.

Have you got a partner/ family or friend to support? The miscarriage association website I found really useful. I didn’t realise how many people do have miscarriages until I had experienced myself and from speaking to my friends.

Hand hold xx

Thank you for your reply, I'm so sorry this happened to you too. Yes I'm just letting things progress naturally at home. The nurse said to take paracetamol and ibuprofen but by the sounds of it I might need something stronger.

I have a 19 month old, my partner works from home so he will be with me/looking after the baby so I'm fortunate in that way.

It's hard not knowing when it's going to start. I feel like I'm in limbo

If you do take co codamol then just make sure you do not take paracetamol on top. Glad you have the support there. I think some people from reading on here when I was waiting for it start don’t have too much pain or bleeding so could be the case for you. My little one has really helped in all this but it doesn’t take away or lessen the heartache.

I'm still waiting, no signs of any cramps, no bleeding. I keep getting the fleeting thought that maybe the scan was wrong. I still feel pregnant.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP

I did a 12 week miscarriage at home - without being too graphic it is very much like giving birth - you will have contractions etc - for me there was a lot of blood and clots - literally didn't move from the bathroom for several hours - I would say it started around 2am and took around 12 hours. The worst bit was around 2 hours

If im honest OP I regret my decision. I wish I had done it in hospital - that way they could have tested the baby to see what might have caused it and also would have had better pain management. My hospital would also have arranged a funeral service and place at a memorial garden.

I didn't have older children at home at the time - It would have been very upsetting for them x

I'm sorry yo had to go through it too

The nurse at the hospital has stressed that it might be painful and the bleeding will be heavy due to the size of the baby but didn't give me the option to stay in hospital. I've been told to ring them if I am worried or if the bleeding seems too heavy.

I am finding the waiting really hard now, I feel like we're in limbo. And like I say, I know it's ridiculous but I think if it's not starting, maybe they got it wrong. But ofcourse they haven't. They checked twice.

I do have the option of the medical management but the nurse said this can be more painful.

I had a miscarriage with fetal death estimated at 11 weeks and had surgical management. Happy to answer any Qs if you are interested in that route. Main things that led me to surgical management were 1) my body was not doing it itself at all, nothing was happening 2) I didn't want to see it and you may see the fetus at that stage and 3) when I looked up the research, surgical leads to higher patient satisfaction with how it went and isn't any riskier than the other options.

Thank you for you reply, sorry to hear you've been through it too.

I've had lots of information about the surgical route, both from the hospital and from another lady who has sadly had the same experience. I know it has advantages, it's over sooner and you can move forward quicker etc. But it doesn't feel like the right thing for me. I had a horrendous birth experience 19 months ago, I'm really not good with any procedure in hospital and if I can avoid it, I would much rather be at home.

Is there no option of surgical management at all? I'm surprised as its usually offered as early as 6 weeks?

If you don't take medical management it could be weeks before it starts - I started spotting at 12 weeks which is why I went for a scan but it was over a week from the start of the spotting until I passed the baby. I felt like a walking time bomb and just stayed home in case it started whilst I was out - thankfully it started the day I was due to go in for medical management. But if you haven't even started spotting then it maybe a while before your body recognises that there is something wrong

Yes they gave me option of surgery, but I opted to let things proceed naturally at home. I have open access to the EPU so I can change my mind at any point. I think if nothing happens this week I will try medical management

I’m really sorry this has happened to you OP.

I was 10 weeks when the foetus stopped living and I was told to let things happen naturally at home and if nothing had happened in two weeks then to go back.

It took about 5 days before the bleeding started and those 5 days were awful….as another poster said, I felt like a ticking time bomb.

When the bleeding began it was a very awful 12 hours. I was in lots of pain with the cramps, the bleeding was awful and I was passing lots of large clots. I purposefully didn’t look at anything because I was so scared I might see something that looked like a pregnancy/foetus and I just don’t think I could have coped with that.

Recently my friend miscarried at 12 weeks - it was realised at her scan. They offered her the choice of either going home to pass the baby naturally, or having surgery. She opted for surgical management and had the procedure the next day.

All anyone can do is what feels best for them.

As I said, I’m really sorry for your loss and I hope things go okay and that you have support around you

Hi, thank you for your message. I'm so sorry for your loss too.

It's been 8 days since we found out our baby died. We're still waiting for things to start naturally, but so far there are no signs and all my pregnancy symptoms are still here.

We had given ourselves until today as our deadline to go back to the EPU and ask for the medical management. I think it's the right thing to do but part of me isn't ready to let go. Or maybe I'm frightened of what has to happen.

@Zincoop I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had medical management in hospital at 13 weeks a couple of months ago and happy to talk through my experience if that would help at all. I hope everything can be resolved for you soon.

Thank you Spyke
I didn't go to hospital in the end. I started with back ache and spotting yesterday morning and by the afternoon I had period like pains and then passed a large clot followed by a lot of clear fluid, I think this must've been my waters. The pains eased straight after and haven't returned since so I'm waiting again for things to progress further.

I hope it wasn’t too painful or difficult for you and all had passed smoothly now. Xx

I hope things have gone as well as can be expected and you are recovering well

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know from personal experience how painful it is emotionally and physically.
You must go back for a scan to check if you need further treatment.
My best wishes to you and those supporting you.