How do you find the strength to try again?

[Willow1981]

I had a mmc in November. AF arrived at the end of Dec.

I want to try again. I know i do. But how do you find the strength to try? How do you handle the worry should you succeed in getting pregnant?

I don't know how I will deal with it. I know logically I will but what do you tell yourself?

Oh I have the same question. I don't know, I really don't know. I'm doing counselling at the moment

I am currently ‘trying again’ after a tfmr. For me it was about lots of honest conversations with my partner about how we would feel if xyz happened and also about putting our mental health above everything, that meant taking a relaxed approach to ‘trying’ and not forcing anything, easing into the tracking and opk tests etc. Everyone will be different of course.

It’s early days so I can’t answer any of your questions about if you get pregnant, I can only hope I’ve taken it slowly enough that the inevitable worries are manageable.

Firstly you don't have to try again now. You can breathe for a month or two and you might feel stronger by then.

I had two miscarriages and fertility problems. My whole pregnancy was a worrying time. Sadly if you've experienced a loss you can't have that blissful ignorance of a worry free pregnancy is likely to be something you won't experience. But you will cope. My entire pregnancy was taken one day at a time, I couldn't do anything else because I was so convinced I would lose DD.

I'm sorry for your loss x

First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss and it is a loss. I miscarriage last September at 8 weeks and it really affected me. I was really down for probably 3 months and cried for a whole week. Allow yourself to cry and process it. I went on lots of bike rides and walks to process it. After 3 months, I went into proactive mode. I read books on miscarriage to understand it. A book that really helped me was: It starts with an egg by Rebecca fett. It may not help you but it gave me strength. I changed my diet and started taking vitamins. This was my drive! Even if I had a negative pregnancy test, I would keep going with the clearblue monitor, etc! I know have a 7 week old baby boy. I had lots of sad days when I would get a negative test result but I kept going! Keep being kind to yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world

You just keep trying until you know that you physically and/or emotionally can't do it anymore. And then you grieve and move on. For me that was 6 MC and 9 years. It's hard. You'll know when you know. It's when you accept that you are going to be childless or look at other means of becoming a parent (adoption etc).

Thanks everyone.
With my dates there is a small chance I will be pregnant again this month. We haven't been trying but not preventing if you see what I mean.

I think this is what is causing my sleepless nights. It's the not knowing if I am and not knowing how I will cope if we are. Nothing that can be done for 2 weeks I guess.

Firstly, sorry you went through this.

I had a mc end of November. My second.

I had therapy before my mc which helped me deal with it better than I would have otherwise.

What I did: take it day by day. Feel your feelings - don’t repress them. If you feel sad, be sad.

I am feeling much better than I did and I see it as I have two parts of me - the part that remembers my mc and feels sad/worried/empty, and the part that gets on with life, and doesn’t let it beat me down, and has hope.

We never did the scheduled sex thing anyway so I have sex and enjoy it, and I will deal with the rest as it comes.

Much love to you xxx

After my fourth I couldn't go on trying. We began not trying not preventing. Definitely veering towards the not trying side at first then eventually towards the other end of the scale. Ended up pregnant after 18 months and now have a baby daughter. I think my mind and my body needed that break. This won't really be suitable for everyone though, it worked for us because we already had a child and I was 34 when I conceived so we hoped we had a few fertile years left. It depends on so many factors.

It is very tough. So much love to you and I’m sorry for your loss. It’s really hard to say if what worked for us would work for you, because our experiences and losses are so personal, but sharing in case it helps. It might be that it is truly a one off unlucky event for you and the next pregnancy could be uneventful. I really hope so for you.

If I’m honest, I’m not sure how I survived. One thing we did do, was make sure that we still did nice things when we could and we made sure to remember that we were still
Important and our relationship mattered. Had sex because we wanted to before getting back to ttc.
I had counseling, and I pursued promotions at work as a distraction. I did lots of yoga. We got a dog and I lavished her with all the spare love and care that I was desperate to give and she kept me company through dark times in return.

I was walking through my home town just before Christmas 2016 having had surgery three weeks before to remove my first mmc. I sat down on a bench and there was a little knitted angel there, a local church was leaving them around town to find. It had a tag attached to it that simply
said “there is hope”. I kept it, and surprised myself by how much comfort it brought. I’m not religious or even remotely sentimental but it was the right message at the right time and I needed to hear it to keep going.

In practical terms, if you had any bleeding prior to your mmc then you can ask for progesterone. There’s an infographic on the Tommy’s website that you can share with your GP.

I wish you lots of luck.