So sorry Nina you are going through this loss. 
Please know that you aren't alone and its not your fault! Nothing you did has caused this.
Are you in the UK? Sorry if this is upsetting reading for anyone! In most cases, yes, they won't check the foetal products for genetic testing unless its the 3rd MC. In saying that, when I had my 2nd loss, I collected the products in a sterile urine/medical container (available from pharmacies) and took it to the EPU. Keep in the fridge if you can't get there within a few hours). Although they didn't do extensive genetic testing, they verified that there was foetal matter there. I'd been worried it might have been a blighted ovum. And also confirmed it wasn't a molar pregnancy. Although not the genetic testing I would have preferred given my 1st pregnancy had patau syndrome, it still have some peace of mind at least having a report.
In terms of medical management, they should give you info about both options. I've never had surgical, but its quick, less bleeding after and less pain in most cases. There is a tiny chance of perforation though, but all procedures carry a risk. Medical in more drawn out, risk of seeing the products, longer bleeding and more chance of pain during the procedure. But you are awake and know whats going on.
In saying that, I had TFMR at nearly 12weeks. I had worked in a gynea area so have experience of other women going through medical management. I had assumed I'd be in agony. It wasnt pleasant, but not the agony I had expected at all. I'd also assumed I'd be given surgical, but due to some small fibroids, plus them wanting to check the foetus genetically, they suggested medical.
Things to note though:
- Wear the biggest, night pads you have or ask the hospital for giant pads. They are brilliant and prevent accidents and leaks. Take spare, giant, comfy bloomer undies and PJ trousers.
- After they insert the tablets, try to stay laying down for at least 1hr
- When you go to the loo, dont panic if part or even a whole pill comes out. Its also common to see a white paste when wiping. Dont worry.
- A side effect (NOT allergic reaction) can be nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, flushing and a fever. My face was like a beetroot and I felt I was burning up.
- Ask for paracetamol and codeine early on. They take approx 1hr to reach full strength, so don't wait if you have pain.
I had this done abroad, but in a very similar health system. Very different now with covid though. Normally, you'd swallow a tablet 2 days before, then have 4 inserted into the vagina on the day. In my case, I just had the 4. I was in a room on my own and DH was allowed to stay on a camp bed. They checked my temp/blood pressure and pads every few hours, but that was about all in terms of checks. Every time I used the loo, there was a bed pan sitting inside the toilet seat so they could check what came out.
I did also see the genetics consultant and the following day I think a social worker. Sorry again if upsetting, but I'd never considered what I'd want to happen to the foetus. I was given the option of paying for a private cremation or burial, taking it home to bury in a pot plant/garden or having it cremated with other MC's and losses and scattered in the garden of angels at the local cemetary.
Having since had IVF twice with a light sedation, I'd likely have chosen a surgical option due to it being so quick. Due to my history though, they felt medical was the best for me. Sorry this is long, but if I'd know some of the above, it would have helped me through my medical. Wishing you all the best and if you have any questions, please ask