Waiting to miscarry and I have a question.

[Bloomers58]

Hello everyone. I am still waiting to pass a recently discovered missed miscarriage (10 days ago). I am happy to wait it out naturally for a few more weeks, but I'm now going a bit stir crazy. I've been reluctant to go out in case it starts but this means I'm passing on lots of invites to see people over Christmas that would probably cheer me up. So my question is.... when the miscarriage begins, should I expect it to begin slowly, with spotting and a build up to the heavy part, giving me time to get home, or is there a chance it will just begin full flow, in which case I'd like to continue to stay near my own bathroom. Its very important to me yo be at home when the big part happens. Anyones experiences of how your miscarriage began, light or heavy and how may days from the first show of blood it took to pass the sac will be very helpful to hear. Thank you so much in advance.

It can be both. (Sorry, not helpful)
I’ve had slow bleeds build up to large very heavy painful bleeding.
But then other times a big gush followed by pain and heavy blood loss.

Having opted to wait for nature, I ended up with nothing happening until week 13 , I had been waiting since week 7. It was torture.

I also took the medical route a couple of times, also awful.

Wish I had opted for the surgical option.

Anyway, maybe short outings, not far from home for now?

Mine was frustrating as I kept stopping and starting. Going for a walk or generally moving around seemed to keep things moving - sitting on the sofa (which was what I wanted to do) seemed to slow everything down again.

I was initially waiting for surgical management but over the weekend it started on its own. I went to the hospital appointment as wasn't sure if I'd passed everything and they gave me the medical management (pessaries) to help it complete.

I did have a big gushy bleed during my next period which was a bit alarming.

I’ve had 4 MC and all were different. My first was frankly scary and left me traumatised as I was in Costco. It was very very unpleasant and public.

I wouldn’t leave the house with my other ones. I started bleeding in the office with my 3rd and the train journey home was dreadful as I thought I may end up with a situation like #1.

I think there was a correlation to how many weeks pregnant I was as to how heavy my bleeding was.

The other point to consider is how long the bleeding lasts. 6 weeks of bleeding is very taxing mentally. I found the reminder of my situation every time I went to the loo very hard.

Sorry this is happening OP.

Also OP, you are not just passing the sac, you are passing the whole placenta, at +12 weeks, that’s a lot of blood.

I’m sorry to be so brutal, but mine at 12+ weeks was a bloodbath and I started bleeding and then it was a massive event. I did have some stomach pain for about an hour before.

I am really sorry, OP, for your loss.

It depends. A MMC discovered at 8 weeks, took two more weeks of expectant management. I then one evening got what can only be described as proper labour pains, and spent the night on the toilet and bathroom floor (don't get freaked out, the blood loss and clotting is quite different to a period). It properly hurt, but also kind of clearly announced itself, which helped as we were now prepared. It was a few hours of extreme cramping, but then it was done.

My second MC was a blighted ovum, discovered at 7 weeks. I went about my way for the next two weeks (pre-booked family holiday in the UK, wearing pads). After 3 weeks my body finally clued in that no baby was developing. Maybe because there was no proper foetus, this one was easier. I just woke up one night in a puddle of blood, without having had pain.

It is a hard time. The waiting, the emotional pain of the loss, etc. Make sure you have pain killers in the house, wear heavy-duty pads when out and about, etc. However, please don't make this time even harder on yourself by isolating yourself from support networks and feeling like you have to stay in. It can easily still take another 1-2 weeks. I spent it around my family, who knew what I was going through and waiting for. That really helped.

Thanks everyone who has responded so far. It seems quite varied. Under 12 weeks for me, so not expecting a placenta loss too. I have very heavy periods usually, so I'm expecting it to be heavy/heavier than that. I just didn't know if I should expect a build up or a sudden gush from nowhere. My family are all on the other side of the country so I've cancelled visiting them for Christmas as really want to be at home when it happens. Maybe I'll be lucky and it'll happen before Christmas. I'll chance going to friends when I can, I'm just not up for the more christmassy/celebratory events. Movies cuddled up to my dog is all I'm in the mood for. Sorry for all your losses.

My first and second included spotting for over 24 hours and then a bloodbath. I passed a tiny placenta at 7 weeks and a big one (as long as the palm of my hand) at 11 weeks. Both times the bleeding slowed right down after the placenta came out. Currently been bleeding for days but it's only period like so far.

If you want to travel - do. Be sensible about it, take a change of clothes and some sanitary protection, and maybe check where the nearest hospital is, but this is such a bleak time, you need all the joy you can get. If seeing people is what makes you feel a bit less crap then go for it. Imho.

@Hoping4second the bleeding began today but its been strange. A couple of drops of dark red blood in the toilet to kick things off then just pink when I wipe all day, no more dark blood. I'm just waiting for it to pick up. Very crampy. Hoping it is over quickly. Sorry to hear of your losses. I am 10 weeks, my sac is 8 weeks and the baby is 7 but the sonographer said it was too early for a placenta for me so I haven't been expecting one. Is there a chance I'll see one then? I've just been expecting blood, clots, maybe a small sac...

The use of the word placenta is possibly misleading, but this is more than a period. The lining of your womb had begun to grown and form a support system. My experience is that this amplifies things the further on you are. Big clots is quite common.

Take some pain killers OP is can be quite painful. Xx

I had very light bleeding for a week before the proper MC started. It was the same as being in Labour and nobody warned me about it so be prepared. I had 2 days of a lot of bleeding- sat on toilet the whole time as so much- sorry for being gory. I actually had a work trip to Europe planned when I found out and I took the risk and went on it whilst I was bleeding lightly. Got back home before the MC started. If I went through it again, I would opt for surgery knowing what it’s like now. I was 11 weeks

Sorry for your loss OP, not easy for you.

I miscarried twice at home, both were slow starts so just some mild cramps and spotting to start with which developed in heavy bleeding and painful cramps within 24h, what I would say is that expect large clots I was definitely not expecting them to be so big some were the size of my palm and the cramps were also quite painful, similar to contractions when the uterus is contracting to expel everything out..hope it will be all quick for you..

Sorry for your loss op x hope you're ok x

Ugh @Fretfulmum a week of light bleeding sounds rubbish. I really hope my story is more like others and it's gets heavier more quickly. Re the pain, this might just be me but did anyone else sort of look forward to it? Look forward is probably not quite the right word but I feel ready to embrace it. I don't want to take pain killers and feel like I want to really really feel everything. I don't know what its about but it feels good to be honest. Hopefully people understand and don't think I'm a sadistic weirdo!!

Maybe it's because I feel robbed of the sensations of the remainder of the pregnancy so I want to feel as much as possible. Am I odd?

You need to do what you need to do OP. I kind of get what you mean.

[quote Bloomers58]@Hoping4second the bleeding began today but its been strange. A couple of drops of dark red blood in the toilet to kick things off then just pink when I wipe all day, no more dark blood. I'm just waiting for it to pick up. Very crampy. Hoping it is over quickly. Sorry to hear of your losses. I am 10 weeks, my sac is 8 weeks and the baby is 7 but the sonographer said it was too early for a placenta for me so I haven't been expecting one. Is there a chance I'll see one then? I've just been expecting blood, clots, maybe a small sac...[/quote]
Not to scare you but 8-10wk isn't small to pass alone at home. I almost fainted from blood loss and had to go to A&E to have them remove some trapped tissue that was causing too much blood loss too fast. If you have the option I would try to get them to D&C rather than wait it out. So sorry for your loss

@FrazzledCareerWoman I have decided to wait it out and experience a natural MC at home and EPU were happy to let me do this. It really is something I want to do at home and won't have a D&C unless absolutely necessary. Fingers crossed I won't have the experience you had, it sounds awful. I will get myself to a hospital if the blood loss is too great, I have 3 friends on standby to take me if needed. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience x

@Dindundundundeeer thanks for not calling me a weirdo

@Bloomers58 definitely not a weirdo. Miscarriage is a mini version of childbirth and plenty of women do that without painkillers.

If it hurts try kneeling in front of the bed, with your elbows on it to support yourself, and draw circles with your hips. I found that helped a lot. A hot shower / water bottle can also be a godsend.

Sending lots of hugs your way.

@Hoping4second thank you so much. I will remember your tips if the pain gets too awful x

I get what you mean about the pain - it sort of signifies the end which was what I needed as I was in limbo for a couple of weeks, pregnant but 'not' pregnant IYSWIM.

If it helps at all, I looked at my 17 year old and had a big 'he wouldn't be here if I hadn't miscarried 18 years ago' moment yesterday.

Your original question, I was 13 weeks but growth has stopped at 7/8 weeks. It was light for a day and then for four hours, there were a lot of clots and a LOT of blood - I didn't bother with pads, just lay on towels.

I hope you get on okay x

@fabulouslyglamorousferret thank you. Nice to feel understood re the pain. I feel like it's how the pregnancy is supposed to end, even if it's not at the right time and it will give me a bit of closure. I hope I have my own 17 year old one day. Towels are a good shout. I'll put some in the bathroom in case it gets to the heavy part tonight. I was thinking if it got too much I'd just lie in the bath (maybe on some towels now) for a few hours and deal with the mess after the worst of it. x