Feeling lost after 3 miscarriages

[Emily090]

Hi, this is my first post after spending the last 18 months searching for forums and reading others advice for comfort to my own situation.

We had a healthy pregnancy and beautiful little girl in 2016, we took some time until we TTC for baby no2 and began in 2020 - we had a very early miscarriage in May, then we fell pregnant again in September but unfortunately had missed miscarriage at 7 weeks - after hearing the heartbeat at a private scan our NHS scan showed the baby had stopped growing. After a horrible miscarriage and still lightly bleeding for 3 months we took a short break. We TTC again and it took 5 months to fall pregnant, I felt sure this would be it, our rainbow baby. I had such strong pregnancy symptoms and even a little bump starting to grow, but at 8 weeks my symptoms started to fade and I knew something was wrong but I had to wait for my scan, everyone told me I was stressing and to relax but I knew, and the scan showed my baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. I had a D&C 5 weeks ago.
I am completely heartbroken and in truth I have never felt pain like this. I have had some bloods taken at the doctors which showed slight low Vit D and B12 but they said nothing to worry about. We are now starting the journey with the recurrent miscarriage clinic. I’m writing this post to see if anyone has been through this and really because I’m so utterly low and lost. I want nothing more than another beautiful baby and it so terrifying of what is to come next or the thought of never fulfilling that. X

Hello, I also feel exactly as you describe.

I'm sorry I've nothing to add really, just that you are not alone.

We had our gorgeous DD in 2019 and started TTC again at the beginning of this year. It's been a devastating year of 3 losses. I've had the testing offered by the recurrent miscarriage clinic and nothing was found. I'm still unsure if this was good or bad news.

We will try again, it's just gathering the courage to potentially put ourselves through all that heartbreak again.

for you

Hi thanks for commenting. It’s so strange to feel comforted by someone else feeling the same as I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I’m sorry your going through this also, it’s such an odd lonely place to be. I have a scan booked next week but that’s all I’ve been offered so far (bloods I had were from my dr) did your husband have tests? I feel like maybe it is just bad luck, but truly how is that possible! Xx

Hi @Emily090. Its so hard, so much harder than anyone gives credit for, and I send you love for that.
Its still really early for you since your last loss, so please look after yourself.
My story might give you some hope, we had our little boy in 2017 with zero effort, was rather the surprise in fact!
Then over then last few years, with my body clock ticking away loudly, we got pregnant again, loss at 5 weeks, 6 weeks and a devastating one at 13 weeks. Feel free to search my angry ranty painy thread.
I sit here now, 40 years old, like a hippo at 32 weeks pregnant with a little girl.
Every single scan surprises me, every movement I feel takes my breath away.
I cant tell you your story but this is certainly mine.
Sending you all the good vibes and healing wishes.
xx

Thank you so much for messaging me and taking the time to tell me your story. I imagine you know exactly how I feel and would have felt the warmth by someone tell you a similar story. I’m so happy you’ve got a beautiful baby growing, she will be im sure your second most precious thing. I really hope we get this chance as I’m feeling incredibly lost but encouraged by your words. Can I bother you in asking if you had any help with carrying this baby girl? Or if any tests came back with an issue. I ask as I would love to try again but wonder if it’s selfish incase there is an issue or is it just bad luck. Wishing you so much happiness. X

I’m so sorry for your losses. I too had healthy pregnancies in 2008, 2010 and 2015. I’m now 37 and have been trying for the last year - 4 miscarriages so far, including one at 16 weeks. I’ve had recurrent miscarriage testing and nothing has shown up at all. Trying to muster the enthusiasm to try again, but not sure how to put myself through it again. I was having progesterone pessaries, aspirin and high
dose folic acid for the last one and really thought things would be different. My mind has wandered to strange places recently where I try and put it down to stress, or Covid or something else. It’s so bloody hard and my heart goes out to you all.

@Emily090. I felt so lonely and cheated by the universe back then, and I wont lie this pregnancy has been one full of anxiety.
I was referred the the recurring miscarriage clinic, but because of covid and waiting times, I'm yet to have my first appointment!
We did nothing different, had no help, and everything was and is as natural as it can be.
I did speak to a doctor to ask if there could be any reason for the miscarriages, and it was suggested my age / egg quality could be part of it.
Well it seems I have one good egg left at least!
I don't like the term 'rainbow baby' personally, and haven't really told anyone outside of my small circle in real life what we have been through. But each appointment when I'm asked if this is my first or second baby, I always say second baby, fifth pregnancy. I feel its right to acknowledge them and to recognise that they were full of potential.
There was advice given that once this pregnancy was 'established' I would go on progesterone, some studies suggests that it can offer some protection against miscarriage, but again, because of covid, that appointment never came through. Progesterone might be something you want to discuss with your doc / consultant.
I searched and searched for reasons, and all the whys, but sometimes you just dont know. x

@Emily090 very sorry you are going through this, it's so upsetting isn't it. You are not alone. I had my third miscarriage back in the summer and I had my first appointment with the recurrent miscarriage consultant a few weeks ago, who has ordered bloods (after having some with my GP a few months ago). He has also said that if I become pregnant the GP should prescribe progesterone until 12 weeks pregnant.

Hi sorry to hear your in a similar situation. It’s just so sad and draining isn’t it. How do you feel about trying again? I’m petrified if im honest but for some bizarre reason have a slight bit of hope it will be okay, I’ve no idea why because I’m honestly the last 18 months have been the worst, I’ve never known a pain like it, im thankful our daughter of course but it’s just so baffling how I carried her so easily and can get pregnant but can’t carry another. I really wish all of you in my shoes the best, it’s a very sad club none of us want to be in but im glad to have this support. X