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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Ladies who have had a MMC and passed the baby naturally, what did you do with it?

26 replies

Bloomers58 · 11/12/2021 14:37

Hi everyone.

Sorry if this isn't the best place to post this.
Realised I'm having a missed miscarriage at a scan on Wednesday. Waiting to pass the sac/baby naturally and hoping it will be in tact so that I can see it. I absolutely can't stand the idea of flushing it away, and I don't want to bury it in the garden as I'm moving from my home soon and don't want to leave it behind. I've thought about a burial somewhere I go that feels special, but then can't stand the thought of it being out there alone, which I know might seem silly but I just can't. I'd like to decide before I start bleeding as the fact I'm uncertain is causing me to worry.

I wondered if any ladies who have sadly gone through a MMC would mind sharing what they chose to do with their baby to maybe give me some ideas.

Thank you so much in advance x
I am in the UK in case that is relevant.

OP posts:

iwanttobeonleave · 11/12/2021 14:39

We buried him at home is a special place in the field. Age 20 weeks. SANDS were amazing and gave us a memory box and hand and foot prints.
We visit him with the children we've had since, Although they don't know about him yet.

Vispa · 11/12/2021 14:40

So sorry for your loss I know some one who buried theirs in a lovely outdoor planter then planted a beautiful long living shrub on top. Then they could take it with them if they moved in the future x

iwanttobeonleave · 11/12/2021 14:41

@Vispa

So sorry for your loss

I know some one who buried theirs in a lovely outdoor planter then planted a beautiful long living shrub on top. Then they could take it with them if they moved in the future x

That's a good idea.

DeepaBeesKit · 11/12/2021 14:43

Be prepared at early gestation there's not a lot to see. I've had 3 mc, the last one was sent for testing, the products that were passed of the first two each went below a tree in the garden.

TruJay · 11/12/2021 14:44

I am so so sorry for your loss sending so much love to you.

I had a mmc in 2012, I wasn’t given any options of what I could do with my baby. He was just constantly referred to as ‘products of conception’ and was taken away in a bucket.
I didn’t know I had a choice. It was a very traumatic time.
I would have loved to have been able to do something special for him, I didn’t you could.

MaskingForIt · 11/12/2021 14:47

I passed mine on the toilet (11 weeks) and flushed it away. There was so much blood and poo that I really didn’t fancy fishing it out.

It was also 2 months after it had died so was sort of mummified.

I think I’d feel differently if it had been a longer gestation. As PP said, if you’re early days there might not be an awful lot to see.

Some hospitals will let you take it in for cremation.

MrsColon · 11/12/2021 14:49

If it's very early on there might not even be a baby, just an empty sac (called a blighted ovum). And if it's early than about 9 weeks' gestation, you likely won't be able to identify it amongst the clots. Sorry

Garman · 11/12/2021 14:55

Totally depends how far along it is. I was nearly 11 weeks but it had stopped growing at about 6+5, there was nothing there, an empty confused sac, I flushed it after about 30 seconds of... I dunno what, thinking, saying goodbye to the "baby", etc.

Blue4YOU · 11/12/2021 15:02

I had a MMC at 7 weeks- it came out when I went to the toilet in the hospital (had to have a managed NC in the end). There wasn’t anything I could do - I flushed it because I couldn’t go in there with poo etc.
Also I had one at 6 weeks (not MMC just MC). I couldn’t tell where it was tbh.
I know I might sound callous about these pregnancies but I didn’t see them as babies really- probably because I had a full term stillbirth.
I hope you can manage to bury your baby somewhere lovely

Ogwen · 11/12/2021 15:03

I had a mmc at 12 weeks. Baby measured 6 weeks. I passed so many clots, over the course of 3 days, I have no idea which one was the baby. Some went in the toilet at my sister’s house, some in the toilet of the services on the M5, some in a plastic bag in the bin along with my pyjamas. I was in so much distress and pain that was all I could do.

MNHQ

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 11/12/2021 15:07

Hello OP - we're sorry for your loss.

We've moved your thread over to the pregnancy loss board.

Original poster

Bloomers58 · 11/12/2021 15:12

Thank you everyone who has replied so far and sorry for your losses. I am prepared for the fact I may not find it, but I am going to try. It once had a heartbeat so as far as I'm concerned, it had life and I'd like to find a way to mark that. If I can't find it, then I'll maybe do something to signify it anyway. I like the idea of the planter I can move around with me. Thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bloomers58 · 11/12/2021 15:12

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet thank you. Sorry for posting in the wrong place x

OP posts:

RedRobin100 · 11/12/2021 15:13

I miscarried at 5/6 weeks and couldn’t really tell what I was passing due to clotting and tissue / embryo being so small.
I thought towards the end there was a harder bit that might have been it but I kind of panicked and it was already in the toilet by then.
So I guess it depends how evenly you are whether you’ll know.

But the outdoor planter idea is good. Long term but portable.

RedRobin100 · 11/12/2021 15:14

Sorry that should say how early it happened..

EmberElftree · 11/12/2021 15:15

So sorry for your loss @Bloomers58

I was 12 weeks and the baby had died at 5 weeks 6 days. I started to bleed at 2pm and passed the sac at 7pm. It was perfectly white.

I bought a rose quartz bracelet to remember him by and my husband bought me a necklace with 2 hearts on it. One for me and one for our baby we would never meet. They brought me comfort through the grief and I felt closer to my baby wearing them.

Look after yourself

Original poster

Bloomers58 · 11/12/2021 15:21

@EmberElftree lovely ideas and encouraging to hear a story from someone who did find the sac. If you feel comfortable sharing what you did with it I'd appreciate it. X

OP posts:

VenusStarr · 11/12/2021 15:25

I'm sorry for your loss ❤️ I've had 4 MMCs. With my first, I know when I passed them but I couldn't see anything. With my second I saw the sac and stood there for a few minutes wondering what to do and eventually flushed 😢 with my 3rd I had medical management and we were sending the baby for testing. I was at home and used a sieve and bowl to catch them - it was very obvious this time. I was surprised with the size as it was very different to my second one, even though it was the same gestation. We asked the hospital to sensitively dispose of them (sorry that's the wording on the form).

My most recent one I had surgery under general anesthetic, again they have been sent for testing, so the hospital is dealing with them.

All my MMCs were around 6 week gestation but I found out later around 8/9 weeks for all. We have named 2 of them and that has helped me a bit. I also have written letters to them. I'm sorry this is happening xx

SewingBees · 11/12/2021 15:26

Wrapped in hessian in a big outdoor pot we bought specially with a beautiful Japanese Maple plant on top. We will take the pot with us when we move. We chose the plant because they are slow growing and so won't outgrow the pot for many many years (if at all).

changing221 · 11/12/2021 15:30

Flushed down the loo. So much clotted blood, I couldn't really tell what the fuck was what. Just wanted it to be over so I could crack on getting pregnant again.

EmberElftree · 11/12/2021 15:34

I passed the sac in the bathroom and we chose not to keep it. I felt the sac coming personally so i knew and then when I saw it I was surprised by how white it was. We live abroad just now but if I was in a permanent country then I like the idea of having a planter which you would keep with you as mentioned up thread. It's a very personal thing of course but having something tactile to commemorate our first baby felt important to us. I even kept the report from the doctor to confirm the mmc. We found out at our scan on Easter Sunday that there was no heartbeat.

ScoobyWooo · 11/12/2021 15:50

My MMC was at 12 weeks, but baby had stopped growing at around 10 weeks.

I passed it at home on the toilet, placed into a tub and took it to the hospital.
From there, they were cremated along with any other losses from that month and they scattered the ashes in the 'garden of remembrance' at the local cemetery.

I had no idea it was a service our local hospital offered, and I don't know if it's the same everywhere, but I was really thankful for it.

Original poster

Bloomers58 · 11/12/2021 16:04

Oh I love the idea of a Japanese Maple in a lovely outdoor planter. I'm so glad I started this thread. Thank you to everyone who has posted and again, sorry for all the losses x

OP posts:

Concestor · 11/12/2021 16:11

I was only able to identify the sac with the baby I lost at 13 weeks but I didn't know what to do so I flushed it away. I felt ok about it, all my others ended up in the toilet as well and i was ok with it.
I'm sorry for your loss

EssentialHummus · 11/12/2021 16:13

I’m sorry for your loss OP. It was similar to scooby for me. I then had a piece of jewellery made, a ring, inscribed with the initial of the name the baby would’ve had. That was last year. Things are much better now, though I still wear the ring and find it a source of comfort.

I’m very sorry. It’s shit and heartbreaking .

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