Surgery for MMC tomorrow - advice please

[VenusStarr]

I found out yesterday that our baby has died and I'm booked in for surgery under general anesthetic tomorrow. This pregnancy was an ivf baby and is my 6th loss. I've only miscarried at home before so don't know what to expect. I did do medical management at home for my 4th baby and they said I'd need the pessaries about an hour before surgery which I'm dreading.
We will be getting this baby tested as well. I had my 4th baby tested and he was normal. This baby stopped growing at the same time but I have been on a lot of meds (steroids etc) as I've been diagnosed with overactive nk cells, I'm so sad that the treatment didn't work and we lost another baby 💔

I need to sort my bag and clothes out but I'm just numb. Any guidance or advice would be appreciated.

Oh love, I'm so so sorry.

Why are you dreading the surgery? Or is it the pessaries that you're not looking forward to?

I had my ERPC under general anaesthetic in September. In terms of hospital bag - you shouldn't need to stay in overnight unless there's a complication, so I'd just take sanitary pads, spare knickers, ensure you wear comfy clothes, thick socks and maybe a dressing gown if you have space, then phone charger, snacks and a good book.

You can bring in ibuprofen or paracetamol too, but if you're in any pain after surgery then they'll prescribe you painkillers. After my surgery I didn't have much pain, if that helps.

Do you have someone or someones lined up to look after you when you're discharged?

Sending you virtual hugs - you're having to deal with a lot, and it's not fair. 🌺

Thank you for replying. I think it is the pessaries that I'm most scared of. It was very traumatic last year (the nurse did them for me) and I've been having flashbacks to it over the last year, everytime I have a procedure I just disassociate.

My husband is dropping me off and then he'll pick me up, I don't want him to stay as I don't think he'll cope well just waiting, plus his work aren't that empathetic, so think it's better for him to be busy. I've just sat on the sofa all day, so it'll just be the same tomorrow but on a hospital bed.

I'm getting crampy and worried it'll start before the morning 😢

Thank you for the advice on what to take, I stocked up on painkillers and sanitary towels. That's good to hear about the pain after ❤️ it's just so shit. X

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you're going through I had a suspected molar pregnancy last year and had a D&C under general anaesthetic. Luckily, the tissue was tested and confirmed to be a 'normal product of conception' so just a normal miscarriage and was able to start TTC right away. I actually started bleeding naturally the morning of the procedure which actually made me feel a tiny bit better as it made the procedure feel a bit more like it was ok to be having it (I hope that makes sense, it's hard to explain). Try not to worry about the cramping, it could just be your bodies way of responding to what is going on. Revivers wise, was just like a bad period in terms of cramps and blood loss. I hope everything goes ok and sending you lots of wishes. Have any other tests/ investigations been carried out to try and identify the cause of the recurring miscarriages? That was my second loss and I was advised that a third loss would have resulted in some tests/ investigations.x

• recovery wise that was supposed to say!

Thank you @ECarmel ❤️ I'm sorry for your losses too.
We've had a lot of tests and found my body goes into overdrive and attacks the pregnancies, always at 6 weeks. So I was on a full immune protocol with steroids and lots of other medication to help my immune system calm down. So we need the tests on the baby - if it was chromosomal then nothing would have saved them but if the baby was normal it means my plan didn't work but I don't know what else they can try.
We only started ivf because of my age and I haven't conceived naturally in over a year now.

When I had my medical management last year I'd started bleeding on the morning, so I know what you mean about it being OK to let go xx

@VenusStarr, it sounds like you have a good plan. I totally understand feeling worried it'll start before the surgery - I was the same. You're very close now though, and if bleeding does start, it's unlikely to disrupt the surgery.

I had to put the pessaries in myself and found it ok - similar to a tampon but if you've had a traumatic time of it previously, let the staff know and maybe they can help you through it. Not sure if doing it yourself would be easier or not.

My anaesthetists were really kind, as was the surgeon, so I hope you are equally well looked after.

I'm not sure if this is useful or not, but one of the hosts of a podcast called The Worst Girl Gang Ever has had a similar sounding experience to you - perhaps check it out if you want to listen to someone who understands.

Sending you as much peace and calm possible for tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you ❤

Thank you so much @Shortmamashortcycles ❤️ I'm finding it really overwhelming when people are kind to me so I think I'll be a mess tomorrow. You've helped reassure me though. I'm sorry you've been through it, it's helped me with you sharing xx

I am so sorry about your loss and will be thinking of you

I had the surgery too and because I got a last minute slot I didn’t have anything with me. Definitely wished I had gone with loose clothing, warm comfortable cardigan. A book or something to read. Something to eat after coming round - crackers / crisps/ chocolate. Lots of painkillers with you and at home, bottled water.

I can’t bear cervical smears and have had counselling for that in the past. I didn’t find the pessary insertion too bad for some reason.

Just in case it helps to be prepared I found the anaesthesia can have its own effects. I’m sure you are prepared for feeling a bit out of it and probably quite emotional when you come round. You will definitely need someone with you to look after you for at least 2 days and I had a week off work. In hindsight I should have had longer off.

Will be thinking of you and hope you let at least some sleep

@VenusStarr, honestly just cry if you need to - I did several times! (And I hate crying in public or in front of others but I was just too tired not to.)

I would 100% agree with MissHavershamReturns - if you have work to go back to, the hospital or your GP should sign you off for at least a week.

We're all here if you need to talk, will keep an eye out for your posts tomorrow.

Thank you @MissHavershamReturns ❤️ I've washed some of my comfy clothes today. I'm sorry yours was rushed. I'm going to charge my headphones, I'll take a book but struggling to read at the moment. Snacks is a good idea too, thank you.

I'm definitely not going back to work for a while, if the hospital don't give me a note I'm sure my GP will.

Thank you @Shortmamashortcycles too, I'll update tomorrow. Need to be there early but expecting I'll not be on the list until later so I'll update you xx

I am so sorry for your loss

Firstly I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

I had surgical management with mine, and actually the process was quite straightforward and I was relieved to be in a hospital with experts looking after me.

With surgical they'll ask you to put in the pessaires yourself, which may be less traumatic than your last experience (hopefully). Usually quite a few hours before - so might be an early start.

I would say, take incontinence pants (like this www.boots.com/tena-pants-super-medium-12-pants-10146994) and not pads.

I found pads totally useless for my surgical management. They just didn't contain it at all, and I was bleeding through them every five minutes. The pants things were a godsend, and I think I wore them for a week afterwards.

I'd also say take a book / music / iPad or similar. My surgical management was delayed for ages due to emergency ops, so I was stuck there for a while. Thankfully I had a book to distract me. Would have been awful to just be sitting there thinking about it all. So definitely take something.

That's the main things I wish I'd known / brought for mine. X

Thinking of you today @VenusStarr. I hope you will not have to wait too long and the operation runs smoothly. I found having the physical side of things sorted helped me at least a little.

Thank you @MissHavershamReturns I was second on the list, so I'm being discharged soon. Thank you for thinking of me. Everyone was really kind. I woke up crying and shaking 😢 I've had some codeine too but still a bit sore ❤️

Thank you @dutchessmom @OnceUponAThread I asked the nurse to do the pessaries and she was much more gentle, still found it hard but not as traumatic as the last time.
I have a book and my headphones - glad I did as the woman opposite (in a 2 bed side room) is here to be sterilised and proceeded to moan about not bring able to have a cigarette, the wait for her surgery and then facetimed her kids while they ate breakfast. Really inconsiderate. So I needed to block her out. She must've overheard the doctors talking to me though as she's been quiet for ages now. I've just asked my curtains to be closed the whole time.

Hopefully my husband is on his way soon. Xx

@VenusStarr, so pleased you're through the procedure and close to getting home. Well done for making it through - apologies for language but it's just an utterly shit day all round.

Hopefully the codeine helps and the soreness eases soon. ❤🌺

@VenusStarr really glad it is done and that you have codeine. I woke up in floods of tears too and the loss just hit me, so I can really imagine how you felt.

I am so sorry about the person opposite you. Some people have no clue at all and are really really selfish

Hey, thank you for the support yesterday, was a really shit day. I'm still groggy today but did manage to sleep, although still woke at 3am and my mind just started turning everything over. But I did drop off eventually.

I'm barely bleeding today at all, I think they said it was normal but I feel like I should maybe have more? Do you think I should be worried @MissHavershamReturns @Shortmamashortcycles?
I'm a bit crampy but not too bad. Just feel numb really.

I didn’t bleed hardly at all either, so please don’t worry. Iirc it’s pain, fever and flu like symptoms that are the worry

It’s such a hard time I know and sending you some virtual hugs if they help. Is there anything you can do to try to occupy your mind like a film on Netflix.

Exactly what MissHavershamReturns said, @VenusStarr - severe pain, fever / flu is the concern.

Additionally, if you're still bleeding on and off in two-three weeks, then ask your EPU for a scan. I had a very minor infection causing irritation which needed a few antibiotics to sort. I wasn't in pain, I just kept spotting for 3 weeks.

Finally, and I'm so sorry to say it - it's a good idea to take a pregnancy test in about 3 weeks to check your HCG levels have dropped. That will help prove there's no retained tissue. It's yet another shit thing about the whole shit experience, so I understand if the idea of it is upsetting.

I felt this period was a strange limbo - I was also quite numb. My advice is to let yourself be numb, or if you have waves of emotion, just lean into them. You won't feel like this forever, so don't rush yourself or judge yourself.

Sending you a huge virtual hug. ❤

Thank you @MissHavershamReturns I was getting shooting cramps yesterday but it's been fairly light cramping today and I don't need painkillers. Thank you for reassuring me. I'll look out for those signs, but feel generally well, just tired.

Thank you @Shortmamashortcycles I was told to test in 3 weeks, I haven't even tested at all with this pregnancy, just got blood tests to confirm it worked, so it will be hard I think but I will test. I did have retained tissue after my 4th loss when I did medical management, but strangely negative tests. But I had weird discomfort pain and black spotting, so my GP prescribed antibiotics and I passed the tissue and then got my period. Epau wouldn't see me as if had a negative tests, so my GP referred me for a normal scan and they checked me over.

I've just been resting and managed to read today, which I haven't done for months. I'm going to have a shower and try a short walk around the block. Feel like I need some fresh air.

Thanks for the hugs ❤️