Miscarriage at 10 weeks, held my baby in my hands
RussianD0ll · 28/10/2021 23:13
I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks a couple of days ago, and my whole world has fallen apart. I was in hospital, the pain was unbearable and I was completely alone. I passed my baby in the A&E toilet. The nurse said it would be “just tissue” but I held my perfect tiny baby in my hands and they had the most beautiful little hands and feet with perfect fingers and toes. I loved them so much.
I can’t get the image out of my head. I want my baby back so, so much. I can’t bear it.
Does the pain fade? Will the memory of seeing and feeling my perfect little baby in my hands ever stop haunting me?
I feel so, so alone.
OneMoreForExtra · 28/10/2021 23:22
Didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you lost your baby OP. I lost one of mine at a similar stage, at home. All I held was the sac, and I desperately wanted to find my baby but couldn't. The pain is obliterating and while it doesn't go completely, it does fade slowly to a manageable level. My miscarriage was 9 years ago and the first few months were intense grief, then 2-3 years of keen loss - but everyone is so different. Do you have someone you can talk to?
lynntheyresexpeople · 28/10/2021 23:29
I'm so sorry
Hairyfriend · 28/10/2021 23:29
I'm so sorry for your loss. It does get easier. You never forget, but things do get easier. With all 3 of my losses, I found it went in milestones- not thinking about the loss for a whole hour, not thinking about the loss for a whole day, a whole week etc. It doesn't mean you no longer care, but quite the opposite. It shows you are healing mentally.
You may get comfort from having a memory box, lighting a special candle, writing a poem or your thoughts down or having a special ceremony with your partner.
The miscarriage association have a great deal of advice, along with a phone line if you need to speak to someone
RussianD0ll · 28/10/2021 23:31
Thank you @OneMoreForExtra ❤️ I’m so sorry you went through a miscarriage too. Thank you for sharing your experience, it gives me hope though it feels impossible right now. I have my partner who didn’t want the baby so it’s complicated, but my mum is very supportive.
RussianD0ll · 28/10/2021 23:34
@Hairyfriend I feel that, the grief comes in waves. I feel worst at night when I’m alone with my thoughts, I can’t turn the lights off and I have only slept for 6 hours in the last two days. A memory box is a good idea. I’ve been thinking of naming them but it feels silly. I called them Baby Olive because it felt so cute when my app said that’s how big they were.
Hairyfriend · 28/10/2021 23:55
A miscarriage is such an abrupt stop to a pregnancy you expected to continue for another 7mths. Many people do find having a ceremony or acknowledgment of some sort as a closure (of sorts) and get comfort from this. It doesn't need to be an actual burial or a formal ceremony- although these are available.
Even planting a tree, lighting a candle and reading a poem or doing something special can be comforting. There is a lady in Australia that write names in the sand and takes a picture. Some are just so beautiful. My cousin keeps her name picture with the rest of her childrens photos. Its something you might like to do for your baby Olive
Hairyfriend · 29/10/2021 00:01
I think this is the lady I was thinking of:
Skl2021 · 29/10/2021 09:19
@RussianD0ll so sorry your going through this. I could have wrote this myself. I miscarried at ten weeks last week. Currently 9 days later and still bleeding so still being reminded of what I lost. I don't think you are prepared to see a tiny fully formed perfect baby. It was hard and a image I will never forget. I also thought it was silly giving them a name but a few days on and IV decided to name him/her and I have some seeds to plant in there memory. Just take it easy and day by day the grief does come in waves sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I break down. You will get through this your not alone 💞 x
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