Miscarriage at 10 weeks, held my baby in my hands

[RussianD0ll]

I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks a couple of days ago, and my whole world has fallen apart. I was in hospital, the pain was unbearable and I was completely alone. I passed my baby in the A&E toilet. The nurse said it would be “just tissue” but I held my perfect tiny baby in my hands and they had the most beautiful little hands and feet with perfect fingers and toes. I loved them so much.

I can’t get the image out of my head. I want my baby back so, so much. I can’t bear it.

Does the pain fade? Will the memory of seeing and feeling my perfect little baby in my hands ever stop haunting me?

I feel so, so alone.

Didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you lost your baby OP. I lost one of mine at a similar stage, at home. All I held was the sac, and I desperately wanted to find my baby but couldn't. The pain is obliterating and while it doesn't go completely, it does fade slowly to a manageable level. My miscarriage was 9 years ago and the first few months were intense grief, then 2-3 years of keen loss - but everyone is so different. Do you have someone you can talk to?

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry for your loss. It does get easier. You never forget, but things do get easier. With all 3 of my losses, I found it went in milestones- not thinking about the loss for a whole hour, not thinking about the loss for a whole day, a whole week etc. It doesn't mean you no longer care, but quite the opposite. It shows you are healing mentally.

You may get comfort from having a memory box, lighting a special candle, writing a poem or your thoughts down or having a special ceremony with your partner.

The miscarriage association have a great deal of advice, along with a phone line if you need to speak to someone

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Thank you @OneMoreForExtra ❤️ I’m so sorry you went through a miscarriage too. Thank you for sharing your experience, it gives me hope though it feels impossible right now. I have my partner who didn’t want the baby so it’s complicated, but my mum is very supportive.

@Hairyfriend I feel that, the grief comes in waves. I feel worst at night when I’m alone with my thoughts, I can’t turn the lights off and I have only slept for 6 hours in the last two days. A memory box is a good idea. I’ve been thinking of naming them but it feels silly. I called them Baby Olive because it felt so cute when my app said that’s how big they were.

A miscarriage is such an abrupt stop to a pregnancy you expected to continue for another 7mths. Many people do find having a ceremony or acknowledgment of some sort as a closure (of sorts) and get comfort from this. It doesn't need to be an actual burial or a formal ceremony- although these are available.

Even planting a tree, lighting a candle and reading a poem or doing something special can be comforting. There is a lady in Australia that write names in the sand and takes a picture. Some are just so beautiful. My cousin keeps her name picture with the rest of her childrens photos. Its something you might like to do for your baby Olive

blessedwithmore.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/names-in-the-sand/

I think this is the lady I was thinking of:
www.roseandherlily.com/2012/01/to-write-their-names-in-sand.html

@RussianD0ll so sorry your going through this. I could have wrote this myself. I miscarried at ten weeks last week. Currently 9 days later and still bleeding so still being reminded of what I lost. I don't think you are prepared to see a tiny fully formed perfect baby. It was hard and a image I will never forget. I also thought it was silly giving them a name but a few days on and IV decided to name him/her and I have some seeds to plant in there memory. Just take it easy and day by day the grief does come in waves sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I break down. You will get through this your not alone 💞 x