Hi,
I thought I would share my experiences as I found threads invaluable when I was going through my miscarriages, particularly with the lack of information. Warning there will be TMI, and I suffer from panic disorders so it forms part of my experiences. I have had 2 MMC this year, and here were my experiences:
- We found out we were pregnant with our first child in February this year. It wasn't planned to the extent that we thought it would take ages to become pregnant, but not unexpected as it was our first month with no contraception.We were so nervous but over the moon.
At 11weeks +2 (1st April) I started getting light brown spotting when I wiped. There was stomach discomfort but not painful. I called 111, and spoke to a GP who cruelly told me miscarriages are common and if I could try not to bother them by having it at home then I should. As it was the Easter weekend, the soonest they could scan would be the 6th April so they brought forward my scan to 12 weeks. My husband was still optimistic, but I knew something was wrong. It was the worst 5 days filled with Panic attacks and Anxiety, but will forever be grateful to Taskmaster for getting me through it.
On the 6th April we went to the EPU, and due to Covid my husband wasn't allowed in to the scan with me. They first tried an ultrasound, but I knew something was up when I was asked to go empty my bladder for a transvaginal scan. My worst fear was confirmed, my baby had died at 9weeks and 4 days and I had to go out to break my husband heart. After a short wait, in an area with other happily pregnant women, we were taken in to speak to the nurse about our options. Surgical, medical or expectant (natural) management. We decided due to my panic and the age of the baby, we would have Surgical managment and it was booked for 2 days later.
On the 8th April I had the surgery. I was told to stop eating after 8am and stop drinking after 11am. What I found difficult was that my husband wasn't allowed in with me, managing my panic attacks before, the long wait and some of the language the medical professionals used (like elective surgery like I chose this, and the surgeon calling it his bread and butter). I went in to the day unit at 1pm, had blood tests (also had tests for covid and MRSI tests 2 days before). Then at 2.45pm was taken to the ward. After processing, two pessaries were inserted to open the cervix. You have to lie down for an hour after that and they can cause cramps and slight bleeding. I had to take some paracetamol, which managed the cramps. Turns out I was last on the list and didn't go into surgery until after 7.20pm. Surgery was short and was out of recovery and awake by 8.37pm. I was a bit nauseous but no pain. I was told I had to wee and eat before being released, but if I was longer then 9.30pm they would have to keep me overnight. That was enough to get this agoraphobic eating and out of there. I was home in bed by 10.10pm.
My recovery was easy. Very little, to no pain. I bled lightly for about a week, then it stopped. I had to wear the hospital socks for 2 days, and only showers and none product baths for a week. And I got my period back after 4 weeks. Emotionally, that's a different story.
- Which brings me to MMC number 2. I waited one normal period as recommended before trying. Again we got pregnant quickly, but this time we were not excited. We decided to have an early private scan at 6 weeks (best decision) to ease anxiety. We had the scan on the 19th June and they said that there was a gestational sac in the right place but it was potentially too early. So we were booked in for 2 weeks for a rescan. On the 3rd July we went back, and again our worse fears were confirmed. The sac was empty so likely anembroyntic pregnancy (blighted ovum). The Sonographer worked for the NHS so called the EPU to arrange an appointment. We were due to attend a wedding that day and it was my husbands birthday on the 5th which I didn't want to ruin, so we decided to go in for the 6th July. I was rescanned on the 6th, again alone due to Covid and we were presented with the same three options. This time because of how early it was, and how tough surgery was for panic without my husband pregnant we opted for a natural miscarriage.
I started spotting when I wiped after two weeks, but this stopped after a few days. To cut a long story short, fast forward to the 31st August and I still haven't miscarriaged. 2 months and the sac had grown and wasn't letting go. I had to go in for scans every 2 weeks, and had some unpleasant experiences feeling bullied into options/having my mental health questioned. This time was filled with on and off panic, due to the unexpected when and how bad it could be. Anyway, enough was enough so we were given advice by the midwives at Tommy's (life savers and eternally grateful) to ask for either the surgery or medical miscarriage with my husband at the hospital. I was told the surgery would definitely be a no because of Covid, but the ward approved staying over with my husband until it was done.
So on Tuesday we were booked in for the medical management. We had our own private room with a toilet. I was in for 9.30am. At 11.55am the 4 pessaries were inserted. Again I had to lie down for an hour. I started getting stomach discomfort and by 1.34pm I was cold and shivery. Light bleeding started at 2.44pm and I had to ask for pain killers (paracetamol)10 minutes later. By 3.12pm the bleeding increased and I had more painkillers (Ibuprofen) by 4pm. At 5pm massive clots came out, one the size of my hand. I thought surely the sac had passed. All material was collected for the nurses to inspect, and they said it had not. By the next day I had a few more giant clots, with heavily bleeding and I thought I must be done. I had a scan to confirm, and it turned out that the sac was still there, although lower lower the uterus and there was retained product. As a result they asked why we didn't have surgery, and we explained that I needed my husband there. They felt this could be facilitated (so I had in effect gone through my least favourite option unnecessarily). So I was told not to eat and they would try to get me I surgery that day. By 5pm the surgeon came to see me and said due to emergencies they wouldn't be able to do it that day, but they would book me in for Monday the 6th September. The nurses then suggested that as it was the weekend, if they got emergencies then they may need the room so my husband may have to leave. Ineffect guilting us into going home for the weekend, my worst case scenario of medical management at home.
But we did. My anxiety was through the roof but the bleeding was not too heavy and didn't need painkillers. I got a call on Saturday saying that there were no anesthetists on Monday so the surgery was now Tuesday, but I still needed to go in for a scan Monday. The scan on Monday showed no sac, but retained tissue with a blood supply that they didn't know would come out anytime soon.
So we went ahead with surgery, but this time my husband was allowed to wait with me in a private room (same one as the medical managment). We were in for 1pm again, same tests as before. 2 pessaries were inserted. Except this time it got to 6pm, with no water in a hot room and they said they didn't know when I would be taken to surgery. By 8pm they gave me some water, after putting a canula in and not using it (a story for another day). And at 10pm I was told no surgery that day, and I couldn't go home so would have to stay over night. I was given 2 hours to eat and drink before having to stop again. After an uncomfortable night, I was in for surgery first thing on Wednesday. I was back in with my husband by 10am, but wasn't released until 5pm due to heavy bleeding.
My recovery this time has been longer. I needed pain killers after surgery, and even had two doses of the liquid morphine. At home, I didn't really need painkillers but was very tired. Probably had alot to do with the anxiety and difficult few days. I had period like bleeding for 2 weeks. I also had a variety of different stomach pains, at times shooting or in one location, or pressure in my lower abdomen. I also bled and spotted on and off for 2 more weeks (a month after surgery), with some of the spotting being black and even grey blobs in a translucent mucus. I spoke to my GP, and went for a scan (which showed no retained "product"). They felt infection was unlikely, and my 3 week pregnancy test was negative. Its now been two weeks with no spotting and am now waiting for my period.
Sorry that it's a long read, but its also cathartic to get it out. And I really hope it helps someone. My take homes are the pain and physical side was not as bad as a thought it would be. Painkillers helped me. However expectant miscarriage can take longer then expected (2 months and nothing) which has its own emotional toil in that I was in limbo for so long. Surgery really is quick and easy, but not for everyone. But stand your ground if you know you need something to make it easier for you, they should accommodate. And the language used can sometimes be insensitive, so you need to be kind to yourself.