How do i get through this?

[KJE3112]

So, at 6w1d i had pains and spotting, i went in for early scans and blood tests and between then and 8w5d no baby was found on my scans, i had a total of 4 scans and 7 blood tests and in the end they could only find pregnancy cysts filled with liquid and i was diagnosed with a non-viable pregnancy and possible molar pregnancy.
I went in to hospital on the day i should have turned 9w for a evacuation sweep, during which they noticed an abnormality on my cervix and i bled out, causing me to need oxytocin, bimanual compression and 30ml balloon in my uterus (foleys catheter as tamponade) and a night in the hospital where i wasnt allowed to leave my bed, had my blood pressure checked every 2 hours anong alot of other care.
Im back home, in a lot of pain and extremely emotional.
Now, due to everything, and the complications i have to:
Take a pregnancy test in 3 weeks, which if it comes back positive i have to have the procedure done again (which i think is normal?)

Waiting for the results of a histology to tell me if it was a molar pregnancy, if it is i have to take part in extra aftercare to ensure they got all of the molar cells as it can turn cancerous and therefore need treating using chemotherapy. As well as any future pregnancies being monitored closely.

Also referred for a Colposcopy in 6 weeks time due to the abnormality on my cervix and then will need to wait for results for that as they will probably want to test a sample. This could be literally anything.

So my question is:
How do i do this? How do i make it through all of this? Even with all of my tests coming back positively it is a minimum of 3 months before im allowed to even start trying to concieve again. And then i have to think about what could happen if a result shows another complication?
How do i get through this, i just want a baby.

I just want a baby.

Hi @KJE3112
I'm so so sorry for your loss and the experience you've had.
It's hard and it REALLY REALLY sucks. No one knows how unfair it feels till they've been through it.
My experience is two MMC in six months.

The first time I really lost my faith.
The second I almost did but I've surrendered... I have no control over this and THAT is probably what I found the hardest of all. So I completely get where you're coming from.

You want what you're want but there are hurdles upon hurdles and you can't control any of the variable outcomes.
Im sorry that I prob seem negative but it's more to show you I get where you're coming from.

The way I've gotten through is making lists of what I can do personally.
Self care, appointments, stuff to stay distracted... anything for me daily. The way I handle each day is try not to think too far ahead. I can only deal with that hour ... those few hours and maybe a day.
I cry when I need to and don't stop it and I think about what I need to ( about what's happened thus far) but I try hard not to think 'but this was supposed to happen' because that's when I spiral.

I sought private therapy which helped me immensely- what's sad is this second time I've know what to expect- the motions il go through....

But you know what?
You're here. You're still here and you'll get through this. Broken, with a bit missing or changed, you'll get through it and if given the chance you'll try again, if chances are different you're going to try another way.

I wish you all the best OP. One day at a time x