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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Feeling lost.

15 replies

Skl2021 · 22/10/2021 09:17

So I'm currently going through a MMC. Should be nearly 13 weeks but found out baby died at 10. I feel as if I have just been left on my own to deal with it. Epu explained what will happen and to test 2 weeks later. Apart from that I feel so alone. No one prepares you for the heartbreak and the pain. I don't know who to turn to or speak too how can you get over this?! I just feel so low and empty. just to say my oh is fully supportive I just have so many questions and need a hand hold 💔 how do u move on from this hell.

OP posts:

Miracle29 · 22/10/2021 09:24

I'm so sorry for your loss I suffered mms years ago I was 14 weeks baby died at 10 weeks. I was actually put on a ward with some other people and it was visiting time and one ladies husband brought there baby in. I asked the nurse I'd I could be moved and she actually rolled her eyes and shut the curtains so I couldn't see. I was then given leaflets and my options and sent home until my d&c date. I felt like they just shoved me out and had no support at all so I know how you feel. It's so hard to get passed the loss and you never truly do. I went on to lose another and found that even harder. As time passed ot did get easier and I have 2 little angel baby orniments too. I'll never forget the babies I lost and its great you have the support from your husband. It doesn't feel like it now but honest it will get easier. Just take good care of yourself

Original poster

Skl2021 · 22/10/2021 09:33

@Miracle29 that must of been horrible I don't think I could face being around a baby this early. Yes it feels as if your just left to it and get over it sort of thing. I had natural management as I was already bleeding. They don't prepare you for seeing a tiny fully formed baby. It was horrific especially when you don't know what to do and are at home. I keep thinking I also need to do something to remember baby. I just feel like I'm so consumed now in wanting another baby or like I'm replacing the one IV lost 😭 it's all I can think about. Who are you meant to turn to for help now? I'm scared to get pregnant again and go through this again but it's all I think about. I don't know how i would get through this again. X

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Miracle29 · 22/10/2021 09:53

That must have been so horrible for you and I can't imagine going through it naturally. Its so hard it really is. With my first miscarriage I actually fell pregnant 2 months later. I was actually on the pill to regulate my periods after the mmc and for whatever reason it failed and I was a nervous wreck until 16 weeks but I did go on to have a healthy baby so it can and does happen but only when you are ready. It doesn't mean your replacing your angel baby. Do something to remember your baby and something you can always see and look at when you want to. You will get there. You could always ask your gp to refer you for counselling sessions if that helps. I didn't think it would help me as I'm not someone who can talk face to face with a stranger and let my feelings out but I did really help me see things from different views and I felt at ease in some way

KeepSmiling89 · 22/10/2021 10:03

Hi OP. So sorry to hear about your loss. I had a MMC last year and it's such a cruel thing to have to experience.
The only thing I can suggest is to be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. I accessed counselling over the phone through my works occupational health service...do you have access to this at all? It was handy for me to talk to a stranger (with counselling experience) about how I was feeling etc.
I fell pregnant 4-5 months after my MMC and am due my rainbowbaby in 4 weeks. It's been a nerve-wracking roller coaster but there's nothing to suggest you won't have your rainbow baby too. As a PP said, nothing will replace your angel baby...I like to think about him/her being looked after by my late dad somewhere looking down on us.
I also wrote a wee letter/poem after my MMC to my angel baby to help me a bit.
There's no right or wrong way to feel, but know that you are absolutely NOT alone in this.

Original poster

Skl2021 · 22/10/2021 10:07

@Miracle29 thankyou so much for the support 💞 it's a lonely time! I think I was naive and thought it would be the easiest way to go through it but it's been traumatic. Your not prepared for what you see. Yes I didn't know if I had to go gp now. I haven't heard anything from midwife's and feel like I'm constantly nagging epu when there's nothing they can really do now. So your just stuck. How long did it take for your tests to go negative? Epu said I would have to go back in if my tests don't go negative incase I haven't passed everything? And did you start trying straight away? I have read online it's best to wait until after period? So many questions you don't get answers too. Sorry for asking you everything xx

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Original poster

Skl2021 · 22/10/2021 10:08

@KeepSmiling89 I think that's what I'm struggling with not being able to turn to anyone as I don't know who to contact and I'm not coping well with it all. I just feel left to it and to get over it. I don't know if I should try again or when or if it's safe too. I just want someone to listen to me and advise me what to do. It's been so traumatic and I'm just struggling through xx

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Original poster

Skl2021 · 22/10/2021 10:10

@KeepSmiling89 and huge congratulations on your rainbow baby that is such a lovely ending to a horrible time 💕 xx

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KeepSmiling89 · 22/10/2021 10:30

[quote Skl2021]@KeepSmiling89 I think that's what I'm struggling with not being able to turn to anyone as I don't know who to contact and I'm not coping well with it all. I just feel left to it and to get over it. I don't know if I should try again or when or if it's safe too. I just want someone to listen to me and advise me what to do. It's been so traumatic and I'm just struggling through xx[/quote]
Have you looked at the miscarriage association online at all? I think they have an advice line or something. They also have public and private Facebook pages where you can post about your experience and read about others experiences as well.

Original poster

Skl2021 · 22/10/2021 10:44

@KeepSmiling89 no I will take a look at that thankyou. I was thinking of going to gp but don't think they would be interested with it being my first miscarriage. Did u start trying again straight away or did u wait until after first period? The lack of after care for women going through this is shocking. X

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Miracle29 · 22/10/2021 10:54

I didn't actually test again. I went back to the gp after a couple of weeks where he did bloods to check levels ect. I waited for my first period then went on the pill for a while but then found out I was pregnant 2 months later and doctors were unsure as to why the pill didn't work. I went back on the pill because I didn't feel ready to get pregnant again straight away as I was so scared ot would happen again but also to regulate my period as it was quite heavy after the mmc. I would go and see your gp and ask them for advice but normally they say wait for your first period and most importantly when you are ready.

Original poster

Skl2021 · 22/10/2021 11:05

@Miracle29 yes my periods were really heavy and not regular before I got pregnant so don't know when it will come back again. Obviously your baby was meant to be pill or no pill! Such a lovely ending 😍 I am scared to do it again but hearing such positive outcomes gives me hope for when I'm ready! X

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KeepSmiling89 · 22/10/2021 11:07

[quote Skl2021]@KeepSmiling89 no I will take a look at that thankyou. I was thinking of going to gp but don't think they would be interested with it being my first miscarriage. Did u start trying again straight away or did u wait until after first period? The lack of after care for women going through this is shocking. X[/quote]
I waited until after first period then started tracking using ovulation tests to find out if anything had changed.
There's no rush, but I would recommend letting your body rest and get into its natural rhythm before full on TTC again. Again, everyone's different, but that's what I would suggest.

lndnbrdge91 · 22/10/2021 11:12

Sorry to hear you have had to go through this. My MMC has stayed with me and it was almost 11 years ago and I have been lucky to have two children since. I always think about that little baby that might have been.

I had a couple of periods before trying again.

Even if there is just one person to talk to, try and make sure you do talk about it and take time to go through all your feelings as it is a sad and traumatic experience. Xx

Original poster

Skl2021 · 22/10/2021 11:24

@KeepSmiling89 yes I know I need to give it time and process what's happened. It's just hard when your body is screaming for another baby. You have all these hopes and dreams and then they are taken from you cruelly u just want them back. I will see what happens to my periods as they weren't that regular before I got pregnant. X

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Original poster

Skl2021 · 22/10/2021 11:26

@lndnbrdge91 it's such a horrible experience. Something you never think will happen to you and it does! Yes it's the thinking of what ifs. I should be having my 13 week scan now and finally telling people but that's not the case. Yes I guess that why I'm reaching out as I don't know who to turn to now your just left to get over it! Glad there's other women to talk to who know what your going through 💞 xx

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