Sleeping and crying

[Yutes]

I had a missed miscarriage at the beginning of the month.

I’m off sick from my work at the moment but need to look at going back.
I’m not currently sleeping very well - I can’t get to sleep - I spend my time missing what I’ve lost and trying to find reasons why it was my fault and I keep having nightmares of miscarriages (strangely enough not my current miscarriage but future miscarriages iyswim)

I was also thinking that maybe I needed to allow myself some time to cry. Has anyone done it and/or found it useful?

Any help at all would be great.

Oh I’m so sorry to read your thread OP; sending you a hug. I have no experience to offer but I certainly think you should take time to yourself as you feel you need & I’m not surprised you aren’t sleeping- I don’t think you are alone in suffering this I expect that’s very common 💖 be kind to yourself & if you feel you need more time to heal I’d try and find a way to stay off longer or perhaps go back part time when you feel ready. Do you have any friends who have been through similar? A lot of women have been through this and I’m sure other MN’s will have lots of advice to offer too Xox

Thanks for not reading and running!

Some days I really think I’m back to being me. And then I realise I’m not.
Thanks for your lovely words.

I'm sorry for your loss. I think everyone grieves differently.

I've had 3 losses and personally I've found getting back to normal helps. It helps me to put things behind me and look to the positive future. I do have days where I just want to curl up and cry but keeping things going and a normal routine helps. I had time off after my last MC and found I was up til the early hours googling and stuff which made me more tired during the day.

Although I've put it behind me I don't stop thinking about the babies I've lost but I know I can't spent my life thinking about them and if I want a baby I need to be positive that it will happen in the future.

Do you think going back to a normal routine might help?

A normal routine would probably most definitely help.

I’m looking at keeping normal hours this week, I have things to focus my mind on and have done these last few weeks too. But I’m still not particularly feeling rested due to letting myself feel guilty and then nightmares.

@Yutes this was me four years ago. I'd had a scan at 8 weeks and all was perfect, then at the 12 week scan there was no heartbeat. I felt completely broken. I now have two beautiful DDs (one just turned 3, and another who is 7 months). Allow yourself time to grieve. Don't let people hurry you. Do nice things for yourself. What helped me was booking a trip away with DH (where I ended up conceiving DD1 funnily enough haha!). I can highly recommend Zoe Clark Coates (look her up). Take care, and I'm sorry for your loss. Xxx

Thank you.
I think I want a night away, so I might look into sorting that out. A change of scene would do me good, I think.

Yes, I was thinking of buying a Zoe Clarke Coates book. So I will get on that.
Most days I am my silly humorous self thinking positively about ttc again. But some nights, I just can’t think of anything else.

It's hard going back to a normal routine as it feels like you are forgetting about the baby. Or it did for me.

Does your work know what happened? Mine did and they were very understanding about me taking additional time off and strangely because they said that I felt like I didn't need to.

It's been 9 weeks for me and I still have wobbly days but if I let myself wallow I would just spiral and spiral.

You might find the nightmares ease up a bit.

But only you know what's best in terms of going back to work. Have you had any counselling?

Haven’t had any counselling. Was thinking about possibly pursing it. But at the same time, I feel it’s only been a few weeks. I’ll see after going back to work and back to normality (and hopefully back to ttc) how I’m doing.