Facing that it might never happen & guilt

[weathervane123]

I'm 38 1/2 now, and have racked up three losses in under six months ttc #1. An MMC in April, an ectopic in June, and now, due to declining hcg, am facing an early miscarriage again. I'm at 5+3 today and not bleeding yet, but have lost all symptoms and am getting barely there positives (that deffo aren't the hook effect as I never got a test as dark as the control anyway), so it's just a matter of time.

I'm starting to realise that it might not happen for me. The main thing I'm feeling atm is guilt, and a huge sadness for my partner, who would make a wonderful father. He's 37, and though he's completely supportive and keen to let me know that I'm his only future, kids or no, I'm afraid of what this might mean for our relationship down the line.

We conceive easily together (currently 3 for 3) but it seems that I can't get past the first trimester (I did once, in my mid-twenties and had to terminate so I know I used to be able to). I'm under the care of the recurrent miscarriage clinic and have come back negative for blood clotting and immune disorders. I was thyroid tested a while back and that was fine. I'm currently taking 400mg progesterone nightly and don't really know what more they will do for me given I can get pregnant just fine. It seems like I'm just old.

Has anyone else had to face up to this reality? How did/are you handling it, particularly as it relates to your relationship?

How are you getting on op

I too am 38 and a half and we found out in July that we were expecting- we went for an early reassurance scan at 9 weeks to be told that there was no heartbeat - we were heartbroken- i had surgical management 3 days ago and I dont think i can put myself through this again ! This is my 1st misscarriage so i cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling :(

Hi OP, just wondering how you’re doing?
I’m about the same age, also 3 miscarriages and was coming here to ask/get advice on a similar question: when do we stop trying and accept it’s not likely to happen? My husband really wants to be a dad, but trying and failing is difficult. We haven’t had THE talk yet; last time we decided to take it one miscarriage at a time (which seems awful when you type it out and put it out in the world).
It’s so difficult because I can’t help thinking that maybe next time will be it, but, given the history, the hope is dwindling.
We’re also with a miscarriage clinic (CRP clinic in Epsom), but the last miscarriage was in treatment with them.
Sorry…I’ve rambled and not answered your question/helped at all. I guess my point is you’re not alone. It’s difficult to know how relationships will be impacted, both in the long- and short-term and I wish I had the answer (for both of us :) ). All you can do (I think) is be open and honest with each other
I’m hoping for a miracle for you, that you’re not miscarrying x

Hi all - I’m in a similar position and age. It’s so hard. How are you all? Hope things are working out whatever way that looks like x

Sorry to hear of your losses.

Have you looked at preconception supplements/nutrition?