Hi I’m currently struggling as I’ve got no one to talk to. I starting seeing my I guess ex now a few months ago and things were going great even talking about moving in together. Then unfortunately his uncle died of covid and he had to fly back to India to attend the funeral. He asked if I would wait for him and I am his beacon of light, love and hope in all this darkness. So I waited 20 days he had asked with no communication as requested.
I found out I was pregnant almost a week after he left for India. I did t want o disturb him so I just dropped a single ‘I miss you’ message but received no response. He was due to arrive back in London for quarantine and I got a message saying he was in the hotel and starting quarantine. He had a really emotional trip and was feeling very angry and jaded and sorry for not responding to my message. Because of this I just tried to talk normally to him but I actually was having a miscarriage which the doctor called a chemical pregnancy cause it was under 5 weeks. I didn’t want to tell him as he was stuck in quarantine and I felt it was something to talk about in person.
On day three he stopped answering my good morning and how are you messages and day four and five. On day five I told him I’d give him some space and to get in touch when he was ready.
He finished is quarantine, flew back to Edinburgh and never messaged me for over a week at this point. So we basically had not spoken in almost a month now. I ended up panicking after a further two days of no communication but seeing him online on WhatsApp. So I tried to call him twice and he didn’t answer the phone and so I ended up messaging i had something important to tell him but I can’t keep hoping he’ll read my message and answer me I’ll just deal with the situation myself.
He then sent me this message “ Sorry babe I've had a bad time and I need some space to get over a few things.. You have been nothing but wonderful true and lovely to me, but I'm not able to reciprocate it and get back to the way I was feeling before.. I did try but it's not happening for me.. And the more you try, it makes me feel a bit cramped..
I am okay, but I don't think I can pull you along and waste your time and emotions. There's a lot of doubts in my mind regarding my career, my future and where I want to live and be near my parents etc.. At this time of my life I am not able to think about dates and a new commitment etc..
I know I'm being selfish but I'm not able to fake it or come to terms to those feelings..
And like I said I don't want to waste your time and affection as you have sooooo much to give and I don't know if I'm ready for taking that..
I'm sorry and I would really like to be left alone. Hope you can understand that.”
I told him politely I understood even though I don’t completely and I’d give him space and I would sort everything out at my end he didn’t need to worry. He then demanded to know what I was talking about.
So as I was typing the reply to him, he’s done the same thing as before. Jumped off WhatsApp and left my messages unread but I’m guessing most likely read them through notifications. I just feel so alone and empty. Even if we weren’t going to get back together I just wanted some closure and to say goodbye to the little one together. I’m struggling to sleep and eat and I see him online, not “read” my messages and I wonder should I send him the pictures of the pregnancy tests? Does he not believe me or care? Should I just try and forget him and move on?
I’m so hurt and just looking for some advice and another persons perspective please. Also I’ve not messaged him since that day as I’m trying to respect his wish to be left alone. Many thanks xxx