Miscarriage…

[Colourfulflowers]

Hi everyone,
My husband and I very recently had a miscarriage… our second in the space of 7months where both required a surgical procedure. It’s been very hard, uncomfortable, draining, very sad and very lonely. Emotionally I’m really struggling, and I don’t know where to go. I’ve tried the miscarriage association but I didn’t really know what to say when they answered, I think it was just difficult and therefore I didn’t really get much help. Maybe I should try again and be abit more open. I’ve thought about a private therapist to talk to but unsure. Perhaps connecting with others who have been through miscarriage may help. It’s a very lonely and sad place to be and I have no idea if anyone I know has been through it as I haven’t spoken about it. It seems it’s something not many people talk about. I’m wondering how others may have coped emotionally and if there are any small groups, meetings, chats etc that you might recommend?
Thank you x

Hello OP- didn't want to read and run. I've just had a MMC, picked up on (private) 10 week scan but pregnancy dated at only 5 weeks gestation. I've been patiently waiting for my body to naturally miscarry, but it didn't seem to want to let go, so opted for medical management after 3 weeks. I'm now recovering, but think I have retained products, so just waiting to hear a plan- I suspect ERPC next 😔

MC is such a long, heartbreaking journey- nothing prepared me for that. However, I've found as I gradually tell people, more and more women tell me they have been through the same. Someone at work said to me today "I'm not sure I know anyone with children who hasn't had at least one miscarriage". In a way, that has made me feel better- less lonely.

So, I think perhaps just keep being honest with people if you can and you may find a village of support xx

@Colourfulflowers @FleasAndKeef - so sorry for your loss. It makes it even more difficult having two in such a short period of time...

I had mine in March at nearly 12weeks. I think only about a month ago or so I started feeling better. I think speaking to miscarriage association might be the best way forward. I tried therapist phone consultation but didn't find it very helpful. I tried keeping myself busy with thing that I really enjoyed, or planning something to look forward to. Watched loads of rubbish TV. Concentrated on my health, started saving money on IVF (don't recommend that, haha) I doubt the pain of the loss will ever go away, it's just gets easier with time. At the end of the day I just needed to go through the period of grieving.

Some women have babies easily which is great. We are just less lucky. but things will be fine. My friend recently had twins on IVF after 3 years of trying. Very complicated pregnancy with risk to herself and babies but at the end everything was fine. Her story inspired me. I wish us all hope

Hi @Colourfulflowers,
I didn't want to read and run but wanted to say that I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

I had a missed miscarriage five weeks ago, I was 11.5weeks but we lost our baby at 7weeks. I opted for the surgical route, I didn’t feel strong enough to pass the baby at home 😔 I cried every time I went to the loo and saw bleeding.
Physically I’ve recovered well, emotionally Im struggling. It is getting easier however I’m in constant fear of trying again as I don’t know if I could go through this again.
I’m blessed to have a four year old son.

Ive realised that loosing a baby is traumatic, we not only deal with the grief and agonising loss but also trauma.
I personally didn’t realise how common miscarriages are and the long/heartbreaking journey that women go through. 😔
This forum has helped me in talking to people who understand.
Be kind to yourself OP, give yourself as much time as you need to heal and talk when your ready, your not alone. Sending mumsnet hugs.

So sorry for your loss. I have had 4 losses now and no living babies. After my first miscarriage last year I found a Spotify podcast called ‘the worst girl gang ever’. I go for walks in the morning before work a couple times a week and put them on & I find these help me to not feel alone. I also made a playlist of uplifting music which I listen to in the bath & remind myself of everything I DO have. Although of course sometimes it’s easier said than done and there are lots of sad days.

People say the cruelest things without meaning to. After my first miscarriage someone said to me ‘maybe you should use a surrogate’ and even my own mum said to me ‘I don’t know why you’re having problems, I had 4 healthy children and no miscarriages’

Thank you for your kind messages and sharing your stories too. In a way it’s nice to feel a little connected and understood. I’m so sorry for all of your losses and pain xx

It’s something I didn’t know was so common until it happened to me the first time and I read up on it. And I hadn’t realised the process and the time taken to physically heal let alone the emotional side.

I was surprised to find out how common it is as well. I was aware it is an option when pregnant with my baby but would have never thought this what's going to happen to me. There's always more pragmatic attitude to this. That it's simply nature. But it doesn't reduce the pain much.

I had a MC of my first pregnancy a week ago. I just wanted to give you a virtual hug as it's one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. I've found this board really helpful and talking to other women who've been through it.

I'm just about getting to a point where I can feel vaguely normal with DH and seeing my Mum but I don't want to see any of my friends or anyone else. I've had to leave my whatsapp groups as just can't deal with the thought of going back to my normal life but not pregnant and things just carrying on. Never thought I'd react this way but it's had a very deep impact on me.

Sending lots of love and solidarity xx

I've had 5 miscarriages 3 of which happened within 8 months. My second one happened on Christmas Day 2018 but it was my 4th one that hit us both especially me the hardest. During that Pregnancy I was able to have scans at 7 weeks and although I was measuring behind. Once I'd gotten past my previous loss stages I actually thought we would finally get to bring a Baby Home. Then at one of my scans I found out I had a sub chronic haematoma and started bleeding a few days later. Miscarriage confirmed not long after. Because I was further along this time I wanted to try for a natural miscarriage in the hopes we would be able to bury our Baby in a potted plant. 5 weeks later though although a previous scan had confirmed the sac had completely collapsed I was still showing faint positives on pregnancy tests and a scan confirmed that there was still pregnancy tissue in there. I was given 3 options carry on and wait, tablets or D&C by this point I was mentally, emotionally and physically drained so I knew waiting wasn't an option, I'd tried for 15 years in the first place to fall Pregnant so when they told me a D&C could affect my fertility if it went wrong I also knew I couldn't go through with that so I chose medical and passed our Baby a few days later. We don't know if I was Pregnant with twins or if the sac had collapsed but I hadn't passed Baby when I had the first massive bleed. Our Little ones remains are now sewn inside a Peter Rabbit teddy and the fireplace is dedicated to all 5 Babies