Trying again after 2nd miscarriage

[RdEmTTC]

I have just returned home from the EPAU for the second time in the last week and then have confirmed I am definitely having my second miscarriage. This is the 2nd miscarriage I have had in the last 10 months and have had no pregnancys previous to this.

I am trying to stay positive but I am wanting some advice on how you got the courage to continue trying after multiple losses? I am so scared about the thought that this will just happen again but I know that if we wait it won't change anything if there is something wrong 😥

Any words of support or positive story's after multiple losses would be much appreciated ❤❤

Hi. I'm sorry to hear about your losses. It's such a difficult time ❤️

I have had 2 miscarriages since February and just starting to TTC in this next cycle. I have found that I went through a stage of spending hours on the internet Googling 2 miscarriages in a row and it just got me so down. I have felt a bit better since trying to take a more relaxed approach and getting in the mind frame of accepting that the next pregnancy will be out of my control. I'm not saying that it's easy, it's taken me about 8 weeks to get to this point. But I believe to get what I want, throwing myself into continuing is the only way I'm going to get it.

I've also been trying to busy myself by getting back into exercising 5 times a week which I think helps me mentally and makes me feel like I'm doing something positive.

Hopefully we've just been really unlucky twice and that next time will be successful. 🤞

Hello - I'm in the same rubbish club. Two miscarriages this year, in April and July (both at 6-7 weeks).

I can't answer your question about trying again since^^ we're not at that point and I change my mind about it almost daily, but have agreed with my husband that we won't put too much pressure on ourselves straight away (ie no obsessive ovulation tests for the first few months). If it happens again soon then great, but we don't want it to feel like we are forcing anything.

One thing I have done which helped me feel more in control is have some private blood tests looking at vitamin and hormone levels etc - it may not give me the right answers, but being able to rule certain things in or out has helped me feel like I can maybe do something to improve our chances next time, without spending hundreds of pounds to see a specialist privately (the tests I did cost about £80).

My tests showed some issues with my thyroid which my GP has luckily agreed to treat. Of course it may make absolutely no difference next time (if there is a next time), but at least I feel like I'm doing something rather than just hoping for a different outcome or waiting for another miscarriage so I can be tested on the NHS.

Thinking of you both and hope it works out for all of us when we're ready! X

@nellyinthegarden I'm so sorry to hear you're in the same boat! Sounds like you are moving forward and it's nice to feel like you've done all you can.

Having 2 miscarriages is so horrible to go through and I feel like I think about it everyday. I think stuff like, what if I can never have children and it gets me down. I think I'm just eager to try again so that if it does happen again I can move on to tests. 2 miscarriages just feels like limbo.

@RdEmTTC so sorry that you're going through this. I don't have a positive story to share (yet) as my story is almost identical to yours.

I’ve really wanted to feel like I have some control over the situation so I’ve had some testing done which has helped, though it hasn’t led to any obvious answers. I've also overhauled my diet and I'm trying to exercise regularly. I’m finding that the hardest aspect is trying to get a balance between doing everything I can to get pregnant and sustain a pregnancy and having other things to focus on in my life. I’m certainly a work in progress on this.

Do take time to talk through and reflect on things, I’ve had counselling which has been really beneficial. I’m not sure if it helps but it does seem like having two miscarriages is actually more common than is realised. I’ve been amazed by how many people we’ve spoken to who’ve had one or more and it’s made me feel a little less alone. I hope everything works out for you.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar position, 2 MC in 12 months. After the 2nd, it took a year for me to fall pregnant again, but that resulted in DS, who is now almost 3.

Its shit, and heartbreaking, and frustrating.

@CookieMumsters glad to hear that you have had a successful pregnancy after going through 2 losses. Thanks for sharing your success and giving us a bit of comfort and hope ❤️

[quote chasingtherainbow1]@nellyinthegarden I'm so sorry to hear you're in the same boat! Sounds like you are moving forward and it's nice to feel like you've done all you can.

Having 2 miscarriages is so horrible to go through and I feel like I think about it everyday. I think stuff like, what if I can never have children and it gets me down. I think I'm just eager to try again so that if it does happen again I can move on to tests. 2 miscarriages just feels like limbo. [/quote]
Totally get the limbo feeling! It feels like more than bad luck, but not bad enough to get help, and the next one feels like a horrible hurdle we've got to get over.

I think in a few parts of the country you can be referred for testing after two miscarriages (Birmingham and Coventry?) so worth double checking in your area just in case (I got a resounding no when I asked my EPU but you never know)

I do know of a few people who have had two miscarriages and gone on to have perfectly normal pregnancies, so just really hope that's us!

@nellyinthegarden yeah I asked at my EPU as well and they said it had to be three. I find it really unfair that it varies across the UK 😒

I know it sounds bad but I just really want to be pregnant for the third time now so that I can just move forward with tests if it's going to be another loss.

I'm hoping if I do get pregnant again though, they will offer me early scans at the EPU. My last pregnancy I kept telling people it wasn't right after an early private scan as it was 2 weeks behind and no one would listen to me and told me my dates were wrong when I knew they weren't. Then after another private scanty 9/10 weeks I was told the heartbeat had stopped at 6 weeks. I find it so frustrating that I had to spend a month worried sick about it and I was right all along.

Currently waiting for my period which is due on Friday I think (unless I am lucky enough to be pregnant again) 🤞

@chasingtherainbow1 I think you should be offered an early scan next time - I was told I would be at 6/7 weeks (so if they don't offer you should definitely ask!).

It's so weird that they won't really consider private scans consistently - I had a bit of everything with my first miscarriage, private scan at 7 weeks showed an empty sac (and EPU were too busy to see me so were happy to use the private scan then to confirm the loss), but was still getting positive tests 3 weeks later (after lots of heavy bleeding), so went to EPU in person for the first time. I then got a bit of a telling off from the sonographer for not getting a scan from them in the first place, since it meant they couldn't reliably compare what they were seeing then to three weeks before! The sac was still there so they were convinced it was a new pregnancy, despite the fact I told them it was a biological impossibility (no immaculate conception here...). It all just ended up with much more waiting and uncertainty for the same outcome - my miscarriage lasted longer than that pregnancy 🤦🏼‍♀️

Anyway, onwards and maybe / hopefully upwards? Hope this week doesn't drag on too much for you!

@nellyinthegarden aww sounds like you had it rubbish too. It would be better if the nhs gave scans at 7 weeks for all people but I understand this would cost a lot of money! But missed miscarriages are just so cruel, it would be easier to accept the earlier you find out.

Yeah hopefully we will have had our share of them now!

Sorry to hear about your losses.

I understand how you start to doubt it will ever happen for you and sadly it takes a lot of joy out of subsequent pregnancies.

I do have a positive story, I had two miscarriages and then went on to have DD 4 years ago.

I then had a further three miscarriages and am now 37 weeks pregnant.

My coping mechanisms were to remove all doubt so followed the guidance religiously, no caffeine, no booze etc. I also had some fertility tests privately.

Obs if you do try again those early days of pregnancy are extremely anxious. In my trust you can self refer for mental health support which might help you in those early weeks when you feel all alone, before midwife supports and for our local EPU who will only help after a week of symptoms.

@needsomesleeppls thanks for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been through many losses. Lovely to hear that you have had a successful pregnancy out of all of it though and another one 37 weeks! Not long now 😬☺️

Thanks for the advice, I may look into self referring in the early weeks as I feel I might need the support.

Hey @RdEmTTC

I had 2 miscarriages I'm now 35 weeks pregnant and all is going well so far!

I'm also 40 which increases the risk of miscarriage so myself and my husband decided to put a time line down and if we hadn't had another by the time I was 40 then we would stop but I must admit I did not have a hard time physically with my miscarriages they were both before the 12 week scan if I had we may have just not kept trying
We have a DD so we're grateful even if we couldn't have anymore so the pressure wasn't really there like someone who has not had a child yet I would imagine

Good luck I hope you manage to have a healthy pregnancy soon

So sorry for your losses ❤. I have had 2 miscarriages, mine were within 4 months (first I measured 5.5 weeks, the yolk sac didn't develop, and the second 9 weeks, a private scan confirmed heart stopped not long before). Both were very different experiences, natural then D&C. It has taken me 4 months to heal and now we are trying to conceive again.

I am so grateful to hear success stories, thank you for sharing 💫 best of luck to you all. I'm trying to switch it up, be less obsessive and 'am I bothered' in hope that it works. Unfortunately last week I was triggered in a spinning class, I felt tugging down there and automatically thought the worse (too soon to say if I'm pregnant) and felt my chest tightening, thought I was going to have a panic attack so left 30m in. Has anyone else experienced this and can share any helpful tactics, or anything that worked for them? Xx

I had four consecutive early miscarriages before my dc2. I have a theory that the data on miscarriage odds based on previous miscarriages is based on a time when pregnancies weren't identified until at least 8 weeks. So the true odds are less bleak.

I'm not sure if this is correct, maybe someone else knows.

to all those who have suffered loss

@Ali52021 Hi. Sorry to hear you have been through this too. Your losses sound like a very similar time frame to mine. We've been trying to conceive again this month. Not obsessively and not been tracking ovulation but just if it happens it happens.

I'd also like advice on how to deal with triggers. My best friend is due to give birth in a month and I'm absolutely dreading it. I know that sounds awful but something that brings one of us so much happiness brings the other so much sadness and it's such an awkward time.

I'm hoping my next time will come soon so it softens the awkwardness. I'm due on in 2 days or so. Hoping to get that BFP!

Thank you @chasingtherainbow1 🌻

I have an awful lot of people around me both in work (while remote thank goodness) and personal life (very close friends). Whilst I'm very happy for them, I see it as little miracles coming true for them, I am anticipating a similar feeling to yours when they're both due in December.

If this helps, I came across an article from Verywellfamily, here's some things I took away - literally a copy and paste jobby:

"Tell someone: Don't keep your feelings a secret, otherwise they fester and grow larger.3 If your pregnant friend or sister is close to you, you can confide in them. If not, talk to someone else who will understand. A counselor can serve in this role as well.

Write out your sorrows: Write in afertility blog; write a letter that you'll never send to your pregnant friend. (Or write one that you will send, expressing how you want to be happy for her but the sadness of your own situation makes that difficult.) Write in aprivate journal. Write out what you cannot say.

Send a blessing or prayer: When your eyes gaze upon a pregnant belly, and you feel the green jealousy monster rising inside, pay attention to that feeling. Take two deep breaths. Then, close your eyes and send blessings, vibes, or prayers to that mother and baby.

The prayer can be very simple, like "May you have a healthy, safe delivery; may you know nothing but love and warmth." Do this when you feel like giving a blessing, and do it when you don't.

Then, after sending the blessing to the pregnant woman, send a blessing to yourself, fertility-related or not. Like, "May I have peace, may I have love," or "May I soon know what it's like to carry a child." Don't be surprised if you feel the jealousy melt away into tears of sadness.

Try to let go of shame and guilt for your feelings: The only thing worse than feeling bad isfeeling badaboutfeeling bad. Pregnancy envy is common. You are not the first, and you won't be the last, to hear about a friend or family member who has conceived and get upset.

When you sense yourself getting angry with yourself for feeling envious, or for not being able to feel joy for your friend, try saying to yourself, "I'm feeling envious. This is normal. I forgive myself."

When you've been struggling to get pregnant, the envy of someone's pregnancy or newborn baby is normal.

You are not a bad person for feeling this way. It's not that you're not happy for your friend or relative. It's that you're feeling sad about your loss. Beating yourself up over your very normal reaction isn't worthwhile."

Xx

@Ali52021 yea this is a very positive attitude to have and I'm glad you have posted those. I'll try and take that advice going forward.

I guess our time will come, just have to be very strong and very patient and keep thinking positively