Miscarried alone - a&e

[SunAndSea37]

I miscarried yesterday, started bleeding on sat morning and by Sunday evening was essentially haemorrhaging so we went to a&e

The worst part was I was forced to leave my husband in the lobby and miscarry alone in a room because of covid. Seeing him sobbing uncontrollably as I walked away was one of the worst moments of my life and I can’t believe that a hospital could treat someone this way? By that point the blood loss was so bad I couldn’t stand or walk by myself and it was really frightening. What’s worse is that I could overhear an (accompanied) elderly lady in the cubicle next to me saying “yes she’s my next door neighbour, she’s with me all the time”.

It was just all so cruel and I feel totally traumatised today.

I'm so, so sorry. Yes, that sounds brutal.

Take care of yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss xx

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I had similar 5 years ago, I was alone at home when I started to bleed heavily and was blue lighted in and had to have emergency surgery under a general, then a big blood transfusion several hours later as I was almost in cardiac arrest. It took me a long time to process it. I have no idea how DH coped, I think him feeling helpless was just as bad as my experience of actually going through it physically. I’m sorry I can’t offer any pearls of wisdom, just solidarity. It will feel better eventually, and we now have 2 yo dd, which was our first pregnancy after the miscarriage. I’d anything, I wish I’d talked more about it, even spoken to the hospital afterwards for some kind of debrief. It still feels very unreal and I can’t really talk about it irl. For now, rest as much as you can, I was wiped out for months afterwards, recovery took much longer than I expected

Hi so sorry for what you have been through and for your loss xx
I also had a MC by myself in A&E- husband left to look after kids as we didn’t know what would happen (no experience of MC and it was the middle of the night), I haemorrhaged and had to stagger into corridor to get help as blood pressure was dangerously low.. had stuff pulled out of me without pain relief- t was horrible xx recovering took a long time both physical and emotional sides. Even now 6 years later I can have flashbacks.. miscarriage association are brilliant- get in touch with them. Take iron if you need and eat well. Rest. Take care xxx

Thank you so much for these messages. I really just wanted to hear from others who understand.

@Namechange600 the bleeding is so scary isn’t it. I feel like I need to process the physical trauma before I can start the emotional side.

@YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie I’m so pleased you have a DD…did you find it ok managing your anxiety in your pregnancy?

@SunAndSea37 I won’t lie, I found the pregnancy with dd enormously difficult. We have older dc and I realise looking back just how wonderfully naive I was in those pregnancies, I never worried about miscarriage for a second. Once you’ve been through it though, you just can’t take a pregnancy for granted and it was a shock. We didn’t try again for a couple of years as it took such a mental and physical toll on me, the physical side of it I feel is massively downplayed. I had no idea a miscarriage would be so shockingly brutal, I’d honestly only ever assumed them to be like a period, and in fact we’d had 2 early losses in the years beforehand that really were like that. With this one, I lost more than half my blood volume. Mentally, as soon as I got that positive test I worried, not helped by several very mild episodes of bleeding. I found having private scans helped, I had an early one and one at 16 weeks to find out her sex, and tbh I’d have had lots more just for the reassurance if DH wasn’t there to rein me in. Even knowing her sex, I found it very hard to accept that there would be a baby at the end of it all, I really think it contributed to the PND I developed (that, and she was a VERY difficult baby).

I don't know any hospitals still enforcing no accompaniments in A&E or visitors, sorry yours still is, it's truly savage.

@YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie I can imagine. And thank you for being so honest. This was my first pregnancy so I want to try again but the thought of going through that again is very frightening. I was lucky I didn’t lose enough blood to affect my vitals but yeah it’s shocking to witness and odd to feel so afraid of what your own body is going to do next. I had to get DH to come into the loo with me as was too scared to see the blood and clots on my own by the evening.

@Trampolean I know and I’m thinking of complaining to the hospital as it was just inhumane. After an hour and twenty he just wouldn’t take no for an answer and pleaded with security and found me and the nurse let him stay.

Yes I would, complain to PALS its outrageous that this is still going on. Glad he finally got to stay, sorry it was such a battle.

I’m so sorry to hear this and can relate as although it was a long time ago, I miscarried alone as my husband worked away, it was absolute agony as well as the misery of coming to terms with it/ what’s wrong with me and being stuck on a ward with old women farting did not help the situation, although looking back I was probably like get me out of here at least that bit made me laugh; you should have been allowed someone else in with you. It’s very sad for both people in the couple.. you should go to the PALS service at the hospital and complain: I send healing and give compassion in this upsetting time for you x

Hi @Lolabray, thanks for your kind words and I'm so sorry you've been through that. I have complained to my MP and will to PALs too. Yes it was funny in a sort of gallows humour way!

I am slowly getting back to myself physically at least, think the emotional side will take a lot longer x