TTC post natural miscarriage

[careynurse]

Miscarriage has only just happened- missed miscarriage at 6+4 weeks (scan at 8+4) and once my head knew my body took over before surgical intervention was needed, still bleeding but that's easing a bit- and a scan today to see if anything left! God I hope not! But I need to know what to do to try again....

Did you all wait until after your first period post miscarriage? 🌈 (as the early pregnancy unit advise?) or longer?
As she did say some people try before their period comes....or is this too early?
Do I need a negative pregnancy test first?
The advice out there isn't easy to follow and I don't want to put too much strain on my body, if it's not fully recovered. But how do you know when that is?

I think my emotional box has been shut, and put into the future and we'd like to start trying when it's safe. Just need some stories to keep us going!

Firstly, I am so sorry for you loss. I had MMC confirmed 4 weeks ago and had surgical management so I can relate to how you feel. My EPU never gave me any advice about TTC but then again I never asked as my head was everywhere. From what I've endlessly googled, you won't ovulate until you get a negative test which can take anything from 2-8weeks. I think hospitals like you to wait until your first period as it's easier for dating but from what I've read getting pregnant before doesn't increase your chances of another miscarriage. I've not had a period yet but tested negative today, we're dtd without contraception when we want to rather than testing opk and timed sex and if we get caught then hoorah but I've not got the pressure of officially trying if that makes sense. Whether I'll feel differently after AF arrives is another thing.
Sending hugs 💐

@Tiredandobsessed it's heartbreaking isn't it! Thanks for the reply! I hope you're feeling ok now, it's weird wanting a negative test isn't it?! I'm just sat waiting for my scan now to see so I'm hoping for it all to be done and dusted but who knows!

I think you have the right frame of mind in getting on with it without the pressure! I have fingers crossed for you, that you get your rainbow baby soon! Please keep me posted! I think we might do the same and then if aunt flow comes maybe see how we feel!
I feel like it's all been boxed up until we get pregnant again, and that's where my focus is.

@careynurse fingers crossed you get the scan result you wanted. It really is a weird feeling wanting something you desperately wanted to be over. I had to have a scan and unfortunately had a second MVA for retained tissue plus an inpatient stay for IVABx as went unwell afterwards but I think I'm a rare case- Surgical management normally means you don't have retained tissue.
Ha ha, I love that I come across like that. In reality it's all I think about, I don't have any opk tests in and I'm trying not to buy any otherwise I would be using them. I know after my first AF even if I don't opk I'll still be thinking about what day of my cycle I am.
I boxed my feelings up for a while but this week (now all the physical side has settled) I've realised that I can't do that forever so I'm trying to find the courage to speak to someone about what we've been through. I worry that if I do get pregnant again that I'll be too stressed about another MC if I don't do something now but I'm yet to actually go through to it.
Let me know how you get on today x

@Tiredandobsessed it's bloody difficult to know what to do and what to think! Do what fits you as a family, I keep reading that you are no more likely to miscarry again than the next person, but it'll always be a worry! There's always something to worry about! But make sure you have time to rest, and talk! It's just so shit!

I'm fortunate enough to have a 20month old son running around and causing mischief, and I'm not sure how we would have got through it if we didn't. Although speaking about it out loud, there are so many people who go through this- far too many! And so many with their rainbow babies so I have everything crossed for you lovely! 🌈

Scan- tiny bit of retained tissue that's got clots but lining is thinning out. They don't want to do an MVA, as they are worried they wouldn't find it if they routed around. So another scan in 2 weeks time to see if it's come away naturally. She did think I would still progress as normal and have a period at some point, but not to do a pregnancy test in 2 weeks as I still have some tissue left?! I'm more confused now! I just wanted it all to be over 😢 but I've escaped surgery for now! Suppose to go back to work this weekend and I don't know what to do...almost want normality but I'm just worried about answering questions!

@careynurse Talking is definitely helping, I recahed out to someone I hadn't spoken to for 2 years as she was the only person who'd openly said she'd had a MC and just having someone validate my feelings was so reassuring. I've also told my friends so if they ever go through this heartache that they know they can talk to me.
This was would of been our first after 18months of TTC so I'm just worried that my only experience of pregnancy is negative but like you say there is always something to worry about and I'm told the worrying only gets worse once the Baba is here which I'm sure you can relate to with a toddler. I'm glad that you've got a little person to pick you up on the down days :)

Oh I'm sorry that you didn't get a clear cut answer today, just see how you feel over the next week or so and go back if you're in pain or not happy- This is your body and your recovery and I'm sorry that you're going through this. They did my second MVA under USS so they knew they had got the bit that was stuck so it might be worth asking for that if things don't settle. Hopefully the next scan in 2 weeks will be more definitive and you can start to move forward and in the meantime be kind to yourself.

As for work, I've a feeling we're in the same profession looking at your username and I was due back this weekend on nights but I've had them swapped to days next week now where there is more people around if I can't deal with it. I don't really feel ready to go back but like you feel like I need some normality and something else for my brain to think about. My plan is to have a rehearsed line to say if someone asks why I've been off and I don't want to tell them, my immediate team know but not the wider team x

@Tiredandobsessed we tried for our son for almost 18months! I promise you, you'll get your happy ending! It's just heartbreaking getting there sometimes! But it makes them so precious!
A fellow nurse! So I work in neonates so it's almost that, that's making me think twice about going back- but I'm not sure putting it off will help! Take as much time as you need, and just have a friend on shift who you can run to!
I wanted a definite finish date of all of this but I guess I've learnt today there won't be one! I'm just hoping my body doesn't think I'm still pregnant and will carry on healing and resetting itself! X

@careynurse Follow your own advice ;) and have a little longer off. I was going to go back quite quickly but ended up having 5 weeks off in total with needing 2 MVAs and a 3 day inpatient stay and I'm glad that I physically needed to be off as it's given me chance emotionally to recover. I'm a long way off being back to me but I'm so glad I've had that time.

I work in adult nursing, mainly on acute wards but I do sometimes have to go to the maternity wards so I can appreciate the apprehension of returning to work & being faced with triggers, but obviously mines a much less risk than yours. It's going to take some big girl pants to go back to neonates so please make sure you're ready, have another week off especially after not getting the news you wanted/expected today, do some nice things for you. I'm sure you're appreciated in your team as you appreciate them too but we really are just a number and someone else will pick up your shifts whilst you heal. You (& your little family) are what is important x

@Tiredandobsessed you've been through the mill! I'm so sorry you've been through all of this! But it will happen! Give yourself time to recover and then try again! 🌈 I'm really rooting for you!

Thanks for the chat today! So needed! Xx