TTC after miscarriage, feeling so down

[Lizzyblue]

I had an early miscarriage last month, I was 6 weeks 3/4 days and it was my first pregnancy after a year of trying. I'm in my mid thirties.

I desperately wanted to try again as soon as I stopped bleeding as I wanted to get pregnant again, even though if I'm truly honest with myself I wasn't ready emotionally and I'm still grieving. I assumed my period is due now it's over 4 weeks since the miscarriage, but because we've had regular sex I was hoping I'd be pregnant straight away which I know is ridiculous.

I did a test just now and it's negative, and now I feel awful. I had loads of sex when I wasn't ready to, I'm not pregnant and now need to wait for AF to finally arrive.

I'm not really asking anything, just need to write this down and wondering how long it's going to take before I feel normal again and not obsessed with having a child.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you’re going through this. I’ve had two miscarriages and I was desperate after each one to get pregnant again, so I understand how that feels. Do you have someone you can talk to about your loss? My husband really wanted to move on and clearly didn’t like my bringing it up which I found very hard, and for several reasons I couldn’t discuss it with any of my close friends. I ended up blabbing about it to some poor random mum at my son’s toddler group. She probably thought I was a bit nuts but it was a relief to say something to someone. So use the lovely, friendly ‘conception after miscarriage’ support boards here on MN when you feel ready and try to find someone offline that you feel comfortable talking it over with. I think some of the miscarriage organisations (eg miscarriage association) also have support lines, and in hindsight I wish I’d given them a call. It’s a very specific kind of grief and not one our culture is very good at supporting.
The good news, as you start to be able to look forward, is that you know you’re ovulating and able to conceive. Your chances of a successful pregnancy in future and therefore very good. Don’t beat yourself up about trying again before you were ready. I did too, and although it feels rubbish when your period shows up anyway you at least don’t have to worry about all the ‘what ifs’. It will get easier, but I found the onset of each period pretty devastating for a few months, so try to have some treats and distractions (or just evenings in front of distracting tv with nice food) planned for those times. Above all, be gentle with yourself. It’s a horrible, horrible thing to go through and there’s no right way to feel or right time to take to recover. Sending you

@Lizzyblue I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand the feeling of wanting to try straight away. I felt the same way too and we're still trying for our rainbow baby.

I know I shouldn't obsess but I honestly feel like I won't be able to get over my miscarriage until I'm pregnant again and I know that isn't a healthy way of looking at it!

Listening to podcasts helped me massively. My favourite is The Worst Girl Gang Ever xx

@Lizzyblue I’m so sorry for your loss 😔 it really is so difficult- to go through the excitement of having a baby and then there just be nothing, it’s hard, heartbreaking.
It’s been almost 4weeks since my missed miscarriage. My emotions are also all over the place, my husband and I are yet to ‘try’ again I’ve been thinking about TTC but just don’t know if I can go through this again.
A kind lady on here recommended Tommy’s to me for support, they have a website and a contact number.
Be kind to yourself x

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was feeling exactly the same, could not think about anything else except from getting pregnant. used up 15pregnancy tests (cheap ones) in 3 months. You are going through grief and pain. And it's ok to feel like this. It will get better.

I had my mc in March and only now the obsession has calmed down. I went privately and they discovered I had a polyp (removed now) and ureaplasma. Taking antibiotics so can't try getting pregnant for another two month.

I came up with some projects to keep myself busy at the time. Like organizing the garden. Or buying some long delayed stuff. Watching lots of shit TV helped too. Someone recommended buying a present for yourself every time AF arrives. That helped me too at the time

Bigs hugs to you