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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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How do I heal emotionally

3 replies

Ter2021 · 19/07/2021 19:20

It’s been 3 weeks since my miscarriage and surgical procedure. Physically I feel fine, emotionally - I’m struggling. Anytime someone asks if I’m ok I find it hard not to breakdown. I work in a baby unit of a day nursery so work isn’t the best distraction.
I’ve tried to be ‘kind’ to myself but just don’t know how to feel better 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’ve been invited to a baby shower in the next couple of weeks, today I walked down the baby isle in a supermarket looking for a gift which was a real struggle. My 4year old son was with at the time and said ‘I’m not having my baby brother or sister anymore and I’m sad here.’ - That broke me.
(He’s coped so well with everything and appears to understand- I told him that the baby wasn’t strong enough to grow bigger and so couldn’t come out of my tummy like he did.)

Any advice on how to heal after loss. When I’m not crying I’m just numb.

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
TheBrokenMothership · 19/07/2021 20:10

Hi OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish it was different, but I think the only thing that makes any difference is time.

You need to grieve and allow yourself to go through those emotions, and maybe get some counselling if you feel it would help.

Look after yourself, and know you're not alone.

💐

newomums · 21/07/2021 09:39

Firstly Tommy's is a baby loss charity - they have a telephone line you can call to speak to MW trained in dealing with baby loss. There's also a Tommy's fb group that's private where you can talk to others about baby loss. Incredibly amount of support on there

Dc means your body heals faster which sometimes doesn't align with a women's mental anguish which is sometimes something people need to go through to heal. There isn't really any right way or wrong way in this game.

Weather the storm needs to be joint effort, this means talking, participating in rituals to grieve your baby together. I planted a rose for each of my babies, he bought elephants. This is a death, mark it and don't let anyone tell you how or what you should do. It's your choice.

Remember you can't ignore the storm in the sea, you just have to sometimes go with it and learn how to tread water. Your head will go under, you will come up again, it will get easier but there will be days where you just keep going down and your drowning and the sea is rough. There will be days that you couldn't imagine a prettier view. You cannot avoid grief you have to move through it.

In a sad way I would argue that grief is just love in its many forms, and the love you had for this baby isn't something you would wish away. Even though it hurts. Move through it, not away.

The hole in your hearts may not heal completely but in time your heart will grow space for another to love. One doesn't replace the hole, that's now there for life but it will get more manageable. You will learn to swim.One day you maybe in a position to help another person in the pits of hell, carrying water to help put out flames that you were once consumed with.
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Thinking of you. Please give your head space to grieve the loss

Ter2021 · 21/07/2021 22:16

Thank you @TheBrokenMothership and @newomums for your kind replies 💐

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