I'm sorry for the circumstances in which you find yourself on this board and I'm so very sorry for the loss of your baby.
Firstly Tommy's is a baby loss charity - they have a telephone line you can call to speak to MW trained in dealing with baby loss. There's also a Tommy's fb group that's private where you can talk to others about baby loss. Incredibly amount of support on there for mums and dads.
I have had all treatments for baby loss sadly. I'm not going to lie naturally can take a while (sometimes months) sometimes the body retains elements which means a d and c is needed anyway. You might want to prepare for this. It is painful, depending on duration and size it can produce a lot of blood. Prepare of night time sweats as the hormones come down, towels on bed are good for this, hot water bottles and lots of comfy clothes. It can be very drawn out or over fairly fast (that sadly is luck of the draw)
The tablets they offer is like being induced. I personally think this is the worse choice for myself as it has all the pain of the natural route and then some and the duration can be the same with not being in hospital
Dc means your body heals faster which sometimes doesn't align with a women's mental anguish which is sometimes something people need to go through to heal. There isn't really any right way or wrong way in this game.
I'm sure your feeling pretty helpless right now right ? Remember partners will grieve at different ways and times. I have been raging with anger and my partner was stoic and then I was sad and he was angry ect . It feels unbalanced. Take it from someone who's been there, you guys need to keep talking (both of you) don't keep up appearances for her sake, it won't do either of you any good. Me and my ex split up because we had faced so many losses we just became some how in our grief too far away. Grief has no time line, don't rush her or yourself to get passed it.
Weather the storm together, this means talking, participating in rituals to grieve your baby together. I planted a rose for each of my babies, he bought elephants. This is a death, mark it and don't let anyone tell you how or what you should do. It's your choices.
Hot baths and I hate to say it sex can help speed things along (which is why recurrent mc like myself when pregnant has to go on pelvic rest aka no sex) - I really hesitantly suggest this as it will be the last thing on both of your minds but the rules that apply to bring on labour also apply here. Sadly.
Be gentle with yourself and her .Try not to loose each other in the waves of grief. Remember you can't ignore the storm in the sea, you just have to sometimes go with it and learn how to tread water. Your head will go under, you will come up again, it will get easier but there will be days where you just keep going down and your drowning and the sea is rough. There will be days that you couldn't imagine a prettier view. You cannot avoid grief you have to move through it.
In a sad way I would argue that grief is just love in its many forms, and the love you had for this baby isn't something you would wish away. Even though it hurts. Move through it, not away.
The hole in your hearts may not heal completely but in time your heart will grow space for another to love. One doesn't replace the hole, that's now there for life but it will get more manageable. You will learn to swim.
One day you maybe in a position to help another person in the pits of hell, carrying water to help put out flames that you were once consumed with.
Sending you and your partner all the strength to get through this.
Sorry about the essay. I realise how alone you may feel. But you aren't alone. You really aren't xxx