Feel like I'm losing myself after mc, how do I get myself back

[Lizzyblue]

I miscarried at 6 weeks 3 days, it was my first pregnancy and planned. I'm absolutely devastated as we were so happy, started planning ahead, and now it's all gone and I'm struggling.

It's not been long, it will be two weeks in two days since I mc and I've been consumed with wanting to ttc again as soon as possible, despite being heartbroken I've lost this one and having mixed feelings of guilt and wanting to be pregnant again as soon as possible, even though that may not be the case and I'm just going to upset myself again.

It took us a year to get pregnant this time and the idea of waiting each month again, starting again just pains me.

I also just feel like I've lost myself. And I don't know how to get myself back. I have a great husband, good job and life and my life now feels consumed with wanting a baby. Am I really odd? I want to just enjoy life in general again and stop but don't know how.

Hi,

Sorry I don't have any experience of mc but just wanted to send some love and say I'm really sorry for your loss.

You're absolutely not odd for being consumed by TTC, especially after a loss. It's still so soon after your mc, be kind to yourself and let yourself have time to process and be sad.

Is there anything else you could possibly focus on to take the pressure off TTC? I was the same as you and became obsessed with it, every single month, but things such as redecorating rooms in the house helped me to focus on something else (with TTC there, but taking a back seat).

How does your partner feel about TTC again? Sometimes just knowing you're both in the same page with regards to trying again can help.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

I understand your feelings. I had a mmc after I'd been ttc for 8 months. The time somehow made it harder for me to accept. It took another 8 months to conceive and that was emotionally, very challenging. However, I now have a 9 month old dd who is my world.

Good luck

Lots of gentle self care is my recommendation - shower, do face masks, mild exercise, healthy but tasty food. That and time, give yourself time.

Sorry for your loss. It can be hard, especially when friends/family sometimes have no experience of this- especially being your 1st pregnancy. We all grieve in our own way and there is no set time to 'get over' it. After my 2nd, I was back at the work the next day. Not for everyone, but there is no time limit.

If you are finding it all consuming, is there someone you can talk to? Close family member or friend? The miscarriage association have some great advice and also a help line. best of luck

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

This is exactly how I feel OP. I'm only one week post MMC but I feel so numb and empty. I'm usually the strong one, I just get on with whatever life throws at me, always there for everyone else but now I'm the one needing support but I don't want to let anyone in and I don't know what to say to anyone.
I'm also already thinking about TTC again, it was also our first pregnancy after 16months and I really really want to get going with it but not sure I can deal with the BFNs every month yet.

Sending you lots of love 💕

Hi OP, I miscarried earlier this year and I know the heartbreak. It still makes me sad even though it happened in march. Pls don't put pressure on yourself to get back into it immediately. You will get your chance again. I would take a couple of months to work on your physical and mental health. MC takes so much out of you, you will be depleted. Give yourself the best chance for next time by nourishing yourself, give yourself time to heal. This is a big thing and you're allowed to feel it.

@Lizzyblue I am exactly in the same boat as you. I miscarried 2 days ago at 6+5, after a year of trying. Year where I had Covid and was in bed for 2 weeks. This was the miracle and joy I thought would turn my year around and now I feel numb that it's been taken away from me.
I understand exactly how you feel as I am the same. Great husband, great job yet I am also all consumed by this desire to be a Mother, it aches. I am due to have a scan tomorrow to check everything has been expelled and I feel so strange. Know that you're not alone OP and I'm so very sorry that you went through the same x

Hi, just checking in with you all. Hope you're all doing as well as you can be x

@Tiredandobsessed

Hi, just checking in with you all. Hope you're all doing as well as you can be x

Heya Tiredandobsessed, doing okay but still very sad and randomly having moments where I get very emotional. How are you doing?

Sorry for your loss OP and other posters. I had a MC 9 years ago and it took me a long time to “get back to normal”. For me, talking about my baby helped a lot, actually acknowledging that there was a big loss. Give yourself time to grieve, it’s a horrible feeling but you’ll learn to live again.

@lizzyblue I'm the same, cried in the shop the other day over something so little and I'm not usually a crier. The hormones are rife!! I'm still a little tender too after my MVA last week and I feel like that's a constant reminder of what's happened

@pinkchocolate Thank you. I do feel like I want to talk about it (I'm an over sharer) and I've a couple of really good friends who let me talk and I know will listen to me forever but I do feel let down by some of my other friends, I don't know if they think I want space or think I should be over it but they've been very distant. I think initially I really underestimated how I would feel and the grief and I know I need to deal with it to move forward x

So sorry for everyone's losses.

My miscarriage started one week ago. Was 6 weeks on paper but I know I ovulated a bit later so I believe I was actually more like 5+3.

Had a good cry for a few days when it started but now I feel a bit numb and I don't really know what to do with myself. Not sure if I am ok or not. I've taken time off work this week as a precaution and to allow my self to rest a bit more.

@Lizzyblue I am also struggling not to be consumed by ttc. So hard. I'm getting married in 2 months and I am struggling to get excited about it due to my loss. Feel so ungrateful.