Struggling, emotionally, physically, mentally after miscarriage (surgical assistance)

[Ter2021]

Hey guys,
I’m just looking for a little advice I think.
I’m struggling to process things 😔 I started bleeding and cramping last Wednesday. Had a scan Monday which confirmed the worst, we lost our baby. I was 11.5 weeks pregnant and the baby measured at 7weeks. (My husband couldn’t be there for the scan so it was difficult on my own)
Since then everything happened so fast, the doctor saw me 30mins later to discuss my options.
My husband came into the ward and we decided the surgical route would be easier for me. (every-time I saw bleeding I cried, I don’t think I could deal with watching our baby come naturally)
They did the operation a few hours later, I stayed in hospital overnight and was discharged yesterday.
Now I’m in limbo, everything happened so fast and nowI know my baby is gone. I used to talk to the baby when I was cramping/bleeding willing the baby to hang in there which was a comfort.
I feel numb when I’m not crying. My tummy feels so empty 😔 my boobs are still very sore and hard like I’m trying to lose milk 🤷🏻‍♀️
Im tired all the time I just feel lost. How long did it take you guys to physically and emotionally recover?

I’m very lucky I have a 4 year old son, caring husband and support system- but I’m not ready to talk about it. I’m still trying to process things.

Any words of wisdom or personal experience would be so appreciated 💕 thank goodness I found this site.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can empathise, I lost my baby at 11+6, 5 years ago and had surgical management also.
Its very hard emotionally but also with the hormone changes.
I can't offer advise as such other than it does get easier and the pain won't always be as strong as it is right now.
I honestly felt like my heart was shattering and the emotional pain was almost physical.
Again my heart goes out to you am so sorry you are experiencing this x

Thank you @Nowgimmeagin for your kind words.
I’m sorry that you’ve had an experience like mine 💐
I just need to give myself time and hope that time is a healer. x

If you need to talk or have any questions please feel free to contact me, I think the one of the worst parts was the sheer shock of it all and having to accept that everything I had wanted, was no longer going to happen. Its a really hard thing to come to terms with and my heart goes out to you x

I saw this thread and I hope you don't mind me adding to it, maybe will help you to know you're not alone..?? I know I could use some advice as well though.
My story's pretty tragic...me and my partner found out we were pregnant at 4 weeks and thrilled. Week 8 & my partner broke up with me and threw me out the house. I had a private scan at week 9 due to concerns over pain following the fall-out. At this scan I found out I'd had a missed MC & my baby was gone. I informed the father and with that, he outright cut me off and I've not heard nor seen anything since. We were very much in love which made that all the more difficult to process.
I then had to have a second scan that confirmed my baby was either gone or developing so badly it would need aborting anyway, however I was told legally they could not give me any treatment to get things moving for at least seven days. One long week later I had a third scan that confirmed what I already knew..my baby was gone and I'd been carrying it knowing this for frankly, too long. Sadly at this point I hear about my ex having a great time out in the pubs with god knows who while I'm trying to cope with this.
Finally I'm given medication to induce MC at home (home is a mattress on the floor of my parents house). The first dose failed and apart from cramping, nothing happened. As advised, I took a second dose two days later. What followed was the most traumatic and worse experience I've ever had in my life. Basically the tablets failed again but sent me into extreme pain and haemorrhaging. After a few hours of excessive bleeding and pain so bad I was literally crying out and crawling on the floor like an animal, I managed to wake my mum and phone for help. An ambulance took me straight into hospital alone due to Covid. In hospital, straight onto morphine and monitors etc. I've never been in hospital before, I was terrified of what was happening and so so distressed. After a few hours, I'm still bleeding and still haven't passed any pregnancy tissue just huge blood clots, and specialist tells me about a procedure that needed doing although at the time I was so exhausted and scared I just agreed. What followed has messed me up. I had to have surgical intervention, and it was excruciatingly painful and terrifying and I was awake the whole time. I was completely alone with a stranger holding my hand. I cannot even write this without welling up. I don't even know if the father knows how bad it got and that I ended up in hospital. I am so so distressed and sad from this. I feel like no one understands nor wants to understand just how traumatising these situations are. I've since found out two very close friends are expecting, which although I'm of corse so thrilled for them, it hurts so deeply. I can't sleep much because I dream of that procedure and I think about it all the time. A week later and I'm still sore. I burst into tears all the time and am having suicidal thoughts on a daily basis. I am long over the relationship break up but I cannot understand how someone could leave anybody to deal with all that alone. I am struggling with my grief and trying very very hard not to give up. I am surrounded by an army of supportive people but I feel completely alone and lost. I was going to be a mum and now I'm nothing again. I have no children and at my age I feel like that was my only shot at it.
Your pain is well understood and know that you are not alone, I guess I'm just reaching out as well.

Awww huni, I am so sorry that you had to go through any of this 😔
sending love and healing vibes your way
Life really can be so cruel, your ex sounds like the absolute worst! 😡 I honestly cannot believe he could kick you out whilst your carrying his child and then leave you to deal with the trauma and upset alone. He’s not even good enough to be called a man- what a weasel!
No miscarriage is easy, but with the experience you’ve had I’m not surprised your feeling the strain. It must have been so difficult for you😔
Your totally right, people don’t understand how completely traumatising and heart wrenching miscarriages are. I don’t really believe that many people can fully understand unless they’ve been unfortunate enough to experience it themselves- thats why this forum can be so helpful. 💕
I’m glad that you have a great support system around you, I’m sure they’ll be a huge comfort when your ready to talk. Give yourself time x

I am honestly so sorry your feeling this way. You’ve gone through so much in such a short amount of time, it’s enough to make anyone struggle.
Please be kind to yourself, reach out if your feeling low and struggling to cope- your stronger than you think 💐 someone kindly recommended Tommys and the miscarriage association to talk to someone and said it helped them.

I get the feeling alone and struggling with the realisation that one minute your preparing for a baby and just like that it’s done.
My tummy suddenly feels so empty it’s a difficult concept 😔

Please don’t give up hope, now a days women are having children much later in life, try not to feel the pressure of society’s expectations.

Be kind to yourself, you are not alone 💐 x x

@Mic21