Relationship turned sour - time to give up?

[canitbesimple]

So sorry for the rant, I hope someone reads this and can give me some advice.

I’ve recently just gone through my 4th loss (1 loss in 2017 & 3 in the last 5 months) the recent loss was a MMC which by far has been the worst loss we’ve experienced after seeing a healthy heartbeat one week to nothing the next. My partner didn’t attend the scan because he had been nightshift so I went myself only to hear that the hb was gone, granted we didn’t expect bad news I’m still bitter he made me go myself. Finding that out myself was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I had to drive home and tell him that the hb was gone.

I had a D&C on the 9th and my partner was great. He was very supportive and I couldn’t ask for better help but two days later it seems like he’s fed up helping me.

My D&C went well but my recovery is going to be a bit longer than normal as I have a bicornuate uterus meaning I have two wombs so surgery was a little more complex.
Yesterday I asked if my partner could help me down the stairs to get some food as I needed to eat to be able to take my pain relief and I was told I’ve been (excuse the language) an “ungrateful little c*”. He then left me to help myself, made his own dinner and didn’t offer to help with mine and then left me to go back to his work (nightshift). I’ve been in no position to even walk properly without help and 2 days post op he left me to defend for myself. Thankfully my mum came and helped but I feel so let down by him. What have I been ungrateful for? Without sounding heartless, he’s got off lightly. I’ve experienced all 4 losses myself. My body feels beaten from the inside out. I had to see that screen with no hb not him. And I had to get the surgery. Apart from helping me to the bathroom now and again, WHAT ELSE HAS HE DONE.

We’ve been told that starting a family won’t be impossible but this loss probably won’t be the last. I’ve also been told that if we do successfully carry a pregnancy then I’ll have to have a C-section. How can he help me with a C-section and a baby if he can’t even help me to the toilet after a D&C?

Is it time I accept this relationship is over? I don’t think I can take anymore of this.

I'm so sorry for your losses

I hope you are physically a bit better now.

As for your partner I would leave him as he is being abusive. I'm really sorry you have it to deal with all this at the same time. I hope you can go and stay with your mum for a bit. I can't say why he called you ungrateful as there doesn't appear to be any reason he just felt like Being abusive.

Was he upset when you told him the hb had gone?

I can't imagine staying with anyone who called me a c**t. I hope you reach a conclusion that makes you happier in future x

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. You deserve much more kindness, care and consideration. I think you already know that you won't get it from him. Look after yourself.

Oh op what a dick he is! Sending you lots of love ❤️.

Is he normally so cold?! He could be grieving and taking it out on you (not that that's ok!).

Xxx

Thank you all for your replies.

He took this loss harder than the last few, as it was such a shock that things had went badly. He cried more than I have ever seen him cry before but the next day the crying was done and he seemed to be strong.

I understand seeing me in pain and dealing with this is difficult but I feel like he's making it harder for us both by being such a dick

I don't want to act rational and leave him in the heat of the moment but I don't know how much I can take 🥺

Does he need to talk to someone? Is he doing 'stiff upper lip' and expecting you to do the same?

You know him best. Is your instinct saying to wait a while and see whether he is struggling underneath the callousness. Does he have a brother or sensible mate who could try to find out what is going on?

Your partner called you a little cunt?! What the hell? This has no part in a relationship. None.

@Mintjulia I feel like right now I don't know him. He's an only child and I don't think he's spoken about the loss in detail with anyone.

Right now I have no idea what to think, I don't know where his head is at. He isn't very good at expressing himself, sometimes I think he lashes out in the wrong way I just don't know what to do.

I feel like if I leave him I'll regret it as he's struggling to but if I stay I'm putting myself through emotional pain

Can you just go yo your mum's until you are physically better? Then see how you feel afterwards.

I hope you're feeling a bit better, physically op

@EShellstrop

Thank you . I've been in the hospital for the last couple of days because I've got an infection from the D&C. Recovering slowly but it turns out that the few days apart has helped us both. I'm hopeful things will be okay. After all we need each other right now instead of pushing each other away