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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

A friend has lost her baby at 5 moth gest.- want to send a card or gift- but what????

23 replies

tiredemma · 20/11/2007 10:08

Flowers seen insesitive- what do I write on a card.

Im really flummoxed here

OP posts:
tiredemma · 20/11/2007 10:09

5 month gestation sorry

OP posts:
sparkybabe · 20/11/2007 10:10

Jusr say - thinking of you ?

MerryAnnSinglemas · 20/11/2007 10:12

a nice card to let her know you're thinking of her would be lovely

hayCHingleBells · 20/11/2007 10:12

That is tricky.
Bless her its awful.
Something thoughtful.
Something she can keep.

Did she have to give birth naturally, to the lo still born?

....still thinking.....

OracleInaCoracle · 20/11/2007 10:14

just write: im thinking of you and am here if you want to talk.

i have a plant that i bought to remember my lost babies. its nice to have something to physically remember them by

lulalullabye · 20/11/2007 10:14

just ket her know that you are there, and don't avoid talking about the lo

Charlee · 20/11/2007 10:14

I would just send a card, teling her your sorry and your open for a chat should she need it, also offer to babysit any other children if she has them or do some grocery shopping or something. Anything to make the days easier, just don't avoid her! when i lost my DT's everyone avoided me and it was awful!

tiredemma · 20/11/2007 10:14

she had to give birth, it was stillborn- (we do not know the sex - dp thought it was to insensitive to ask)

I cannot even begin to imagine what they must be feeling right now.

OP posts:
tiredemma · 20/11/2007 10:15

First child.

A plant sounds like a nice idea.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 20/11/2007 10:16

If she has been able to have a photo...perhaps a silver photo frame...? But i think that could be offered later..a sincere card would do now

tiredemma · 20/11/2007 10:17

No photo- they decided not to see the baby after it was born- couldnt face it.

OP posts:
nimnom · 20/11/2007 10:21

My friend had a stillborn baby at full term and I gave her a rose plant with a special name - I can't remember what now. But I felt it was a bit more appropriate than flowers.

Dropdeadfred · 20/11/2007 10:22

Awww bless them

Santasmissyontheside · 20/11/2007 10:23

This is just so sad. I think the plant is nice idea. And a lovely card. One thats for a friend rather than a sympathy one??

goingfor3 · 20/11/2007 10:25

I was sent flowers after I lost my baby at around the same time as your friend and I couldn't bear to look at them was I was touched that my friend sent them and was thinking about us. I would send a card telling her you are thinking about her and when she is feeling better take her out for a nice meal so she feels like she is getting back to normality.

hayCHingleBells · 20/11/2007 10:33

A card now (just simple and thoughtful)
Maybe a voucher in a few weeks for some kind of relaxation/massage therapy?

sugar34plum · 20/11/2007 10:35

A card will be very appreciated. My son was stillborn nearly 19 years ago and i still have my cards. They brought me comfort for a long time after he passed and they still do.

Your time when she needs to talk and cry over her baby is also what she needs.Bless her xx

poppy34 · 21/11/2007 21:39

yes card now and then let her know you're around if you need to talk. I will not forget those people who listened to me rambling on when I lost my son at 21 weeks earlier this year.

agree with goingfor3 re flowers as they just made me cry and made me feel worse when house filled with flowers as wasnt for a happy reason.

massage when she is feeling a little stronger is a good idea too hayching but she may not feel up to it yet.

Habbibu · 21/11/2007 21:55

Tiredemma - everyone is different, and it is so hard to know what to do. I was impossibly angry after my daughter died, and no-one could do anything right, to be honest. Things I did love - a friend of my mum's card said "we know your precious baby will never be forgotten"; a work colleague sent a bit of home-made tablet a few weeks later - don't know why I liked that so much, but I did. I hated flowers, I have to say, but have lots of SANDS friends who liked them.
As for vouchers and stuff I really would ask her first - it's a sweet idea but I didn't WANT to be normal, I didn't want to be treated, I just wanted to cry, for a really long time.

It's really nice of you to ask here.

JenT · 21/11/2007 21:59

I think a card saying thinking of you both (if she is with baby's dad)
perhaps to follow it up with a phone call next week to see if she is open for a coffee or something.
My friend lost her baby at term and as much as she had lots of cards - she felt lonely because people didn't know what to say so they avoided seeing her altogether.
Veryvery sad news. must be upsetting for you too!

gigglewitch · 21/11/2007 22:00

something to keep, but not necessarily a 'baby' thing. I have a little mouse - a very tiny beatrix potter ornament, which reminds me of someone who is an angel

onepieceoflollipop · 21/11/2007 22:00

When I had a difficult m/c 8 years ago, I had a card from a cousin who NEVER wrote or sent things (and rarely does now). I have kept that card because it meant so much. All it inside was "with love, "lollipop's cousin" (her real name obviously).

As others have said it is strange what is a comfort and what isn't, such as flowers.

So for your friends

ValnBen · 21/11/2007 22:19

Oh Tiredemma ? so sorry for your friend.

As Habbibu has said, everyone is different (I agree with everything else she said too) ? especially the bit about not wanting to be ?normal? or ?treated?

For me, when I lost my first born (boy 33 wks gest. sb), the worst thing was when someone gave me a house plant. I am not very good with house plants and when it died I lost my baby all over again.

The best thing you can do for your friend is just be there for her. Talk to her. Listen while she talks about her baby. Hold her whilst she cries for her baby. Just be there.
Hope she finds piece soon.

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