Cheering up dh? Tips to start again..

[kbg1991]

Hello dear ladies,
I just suffered a miscarriage on Wednesday.
Started bleeding and went to ER and was told there was nothing there. I was 5 weeks.
I spend the day crying from the bottom of my soul. Feeling guilty, feeling a failure, asking God why me.
Today I am trying to put my head up and setting things up to start again as soon as I ovulate, despite the huge fear to go through this again.

My dh is suffering very bad. He is almost three days without talking and just wanting to be alone, I see he is in profound grief (as I am) and hold everything to him. He was so happy when I announced, we made plans and the baby was really desired.
Only god knows how heartbroken I am but it hurts me even more to see him going through such a hard time. I don't know what else to say or to do to help him.

I am still bleeding from the miscarriage and when I expressed my wish to start trying all over again once I ovulate (in my heart there is a feeling that only a successful pregnancy can fill this void), he expressed his fear as "why? So we can have such a hard moment again?". I want so much to comfort him but I don't know what else can I do or say.

Have some of you went to something similar? I would love to hear your stories, and also if were you lucky in conceiving a successful pregnancy short after a miscarriage.

Much love for all the women who went through this terrible moment 🌈.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can't imagine your pain.

Sounds like DH would benefit from speaking to someone other than you, someone impartial. Counselling? It doesn't sound like it has been long since this happened so try not to rush things, you're both grieving and heeling will come with time. Remember to look after yourself and heel your own pain whilst also dealing with DH, just being he is suffering doesn't take away from your hurt.

@kbg1991 I’m so sorry you’re going through this lovely. It was honestly the most heartbreaking time of my life.

I was more open with my grief following my mc in December. DH not so much and I think it affected him much deeper than he was willing to admit at the time. We discussed trying again, we discussed miscarrying again and how we would cope and unfortunately it is such a common thing to happen there is always a chance that it could happen again. We both wanted children so badly that we just had to accept it really. It takes time to heal, and with time we did start to feel better. I was really emotional the first couple of times we were intimate, I made a conscious effort to remind myself that intimacy isn’t just about TTC. So I would try to cook nice meals with a bottle of wine, anything to just get us to relax and it really did help. Its really important to talk to each other about how you’re feeling too. As PP suggested you may find counselling helpful? We then conceived the second cycle after my mc in February, and we are now 20 weeks :) it’s by no means been easy, and hopefully we will have a positive outcome! It can absolutely happen. You just have to force yourself to keep positive xxxx

I lost my first very early on start of Spetember, by mid October I was pregnant again.

It was a real struggle, especially when I had a bleed at 6 weeks and then again at 8 and a half weeks. There was no reason for the bleeds, and I'm now 37 weeks .

I did try get counselling, they told me the wait list was 3 months , they phoned back 8 months later!

@loves2plan Thank you very very much for your support. I am sorry for the late response, I had to take a couple days off the internet to breath and look after myself. It is very hard in this early beginning because when no one knows, we don't feel like telling them just the bad part of it.
I was able to talk to a dear friend of mine who is a psycologist and just by the fact someone hugs us - it means a million.

Latter we sat and talked a lot (dh and I) and ended up trusting that the things that must happen (in mc regards), happen and there wasn't really nothing we could do. We could by the end of a couple days support each other and just hope for the best next time we are able to conceive.

@Overtherainbow2021

First of all, congratulations!!

@toto23

Thank you very very much for sharing!! first of all, yupii - your baby will be in your arms any moment soon!
I do really hope we will be able to conceive again this fast