Hi all. This is my first time posting, and I’m normally just a lurker, but I wanted to share my experience.
Monday this week I had a 10 week private scan. I booked this as I just had a strange feeling, nothing physical at all, but just good old women’s intuition.
The last 10 weeks for me, although I was grateful and excited to be pregnant, have been less than enjoyable if I am honest.
I lost myself totally. I was feeling sick all the time, had no energy and even felt like my personality was different.
Last weekend I started to feel more like myself, but I felt it had happened to quickly.
When at the private scan, the wonderful lady I was with confirmed that sadly the baby was measuring 9 weeks 3 days. Sure enough around about the time I started to feel normal again.
We were naturally very upset and shocked, and the whole of the rest of the day was a blur.
I have never been so terrified. The fact I knew that my baby no longer had a heartbeat was devastating, however the physical part was the worst for me.
It sounds really harsh but as soon as I found out, I wanted everything out of me as soon as physically possible. I was terrified.
I was constantly shaking and felt like I was in a horror film.
I knew 100% that I wasn’t going to be able to cope emotionally if I passed the baby at home. All women are different but this was just my worst nightmare.
I had a call from the EPU at my local hospital that very afternoon where they gave me an appt the day after next. I broke down and asked if they could get me in any sooner (which I do realise now was unreasonable!)
My experience at the EPU the next day was nothing short of amazing. Whilst sad and scary our NHS staff made me feel so safe. I was emotionally supported the whole time.
I was given my options. They were pushing for medical management at home, but when I physically started to shake at the mention of it, they quickly decided that surgical was the way forward for me - despite the additional risks.
I was told it might have been up to a week for an appt, but the amazing lady called through to the surgeon and they agreed to have me in on Friday (yesterday) just two days after my appt.
The experience on the Friday was again, amazing. The staff were incredible. I was first into theatre. They cried with me, they laughed with me, and they made me feel safe.
I’m sat at home now wearing an adult nappy, dare I say it...happy. And grateful.
I have I doubt there will be emotional times ahead, but my overwhelming fear of loss and the physical aspects of miscarriage have gone.
We will try again, and next time instead of being scared of loss, I will know it is something not to fear but something that I can handle. I cannot tell you the relief I feel having that power.
I want to let any women who are scared right now, that you will be fine. Our NHS is incredible.
Push for the treatment you feel is right for you. You are in control. It is normal to be scared, but you don’t need to be.
I wish I had read a post like this 4 days ago, so hopefully it will help someone.
Amy - and her adult nappy x