Late miscarriage/overwhelmed

[emanco6]

Hello guys,

I have literally just joined this group looking for a bit of advice/support/reassurance.

Myself and my partner had a late miscarriage a few days ago & im questioning whether I am doing something wrong.

We are both beyond heartbroken, but I’m finding myself looking for things to do, extra shifts to pick up, returning to hobbies, desperately.

I just feel such a need to be busy and distracted, and whilst I know that physically and mentally I am really not okay and I am overdoing it, I can’t help but wonder if anyone else has been in similar shoes.

I know myself that as soon as I slow down and have time alone with all these overwhelming thoughts and feelings that everything that is building up is going to come flooding out. But is this okay? I feel like I am coming across to others that I’m completely unaffected by the loss of our beautiful girl, but i find myself questioning whether this is normal or not.

If anyone is able to share experiences/just a bit of reassurance - TIA x

Hi @emanco6,
So sorry for your loss.
I think this sounds like exactly what I would do in your situation - try to find something to pour myself into so I don't go crazy thinking about something so painful.

I can't compare my situation to yours but I've already got a list of things in my head that I'm going to do (ie run a half marathon) that I wouldn't have done if my latest pregnancy worked out - almost as if to somehow have something to show for the loss - like "I don't have my baby but at least I have "

I've also questioned whether this is the "right" way to do things but I think it's just how I cope. Obviously the grief comes out at times, particularly when I'm on my own.

If you are worried about what other people are thinking you might want to consider telling them exactly what you've said here - "I'm trying to keep myself busy so I'm not totally overwhelmed by my loss" etc. I think people will understand.

@emanco6 so sorry about your loss.

I too have just had a late miscarriage, baby born 10 days ago at 16+1weeks. I cant wait to getting back to work and abit of normality, we are focusing on the house renovation and I went out and brought a car today.

Take each day as it comes, let your emotions come, cry if you need to cry. Talk to your partner but also maybe look into counselling or bereavement support. No matter what you do or feel that is right for you, there is no right way to be

Xx

emanco6

I am so sorry for your loss.

I experienced a late miscarriage 6 years ago and looking back now, that is how I handled things for quite a while by just trying to keep busy...sort of carrying on with things as if unaffected (but in actual fact was completely devastated).

Grief affects people differently and there is no right way or wrong way. I actually spoke to a terrible counsellor not long after my loss who agreed with me that my reaction wasn't normal - I believe she has since been struck off. In these circumstances there isn't a 'normal' way to react, it isn't that you are unaffected, you are trying to cope with a huge shock and I think we sort of shut down a bit to get through.

You might find you benefit from counselling in a few months time. After my initial encounter, I found a lovely counsellor and this helped me tremendously.

@Daphnesmate05 thank you for sharing! That’s always reassuring to know that this is a perfectly normal reaction.

@babybumpfor2021 so sorry for your loss, I can only empathise! ❤️ This must be a really challenging time for you too, so I do appreciate your response - it is reassuring to know I’m not alone right now. X

@coconutlatte44 thank you so much for sharing!! I was really needing to see these messages tonight! ❤️ X

Hi @emanco6 sorry for your late loss 💔 I’ve not had a late miscarriage but 3 of them ranging between 5-8 weeks. Each miscarriage I have coped differently, with my first I was ok at first and decorating the house, but my grieving started when I found out my friend was pregnant and due a week after my ‘would be due date’. With my second again my first reaction was to start painting 🙈 a few weeks after it hit me when it was my ‘would be due date’ for my first. I’ve just had another one and despite being devastated about it, I’m coping quite well. I’m well aware the real sadness will start in a few weeks though.

Basically as others have said above, people grieve in different ways, but if you find in a few weeks time you have some sad days then take some time to yourself and I promise although you think of it everyday, it does get a bit easier x

Sorry for your loss, I just gave birth to my boy at 16 weeks also. It’s so painful. I’m trying to keep busy too and even trying to be somewhat normal. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it. Good luck and so sorry.

@emanco6 your grief is yours and yours only. You don't have to adopt or project one image. It is not about how the others see you but about how you feel.
There is not one right way to grief. Some find solace in talking, crying , other in doing stuff, and avoiding thinking about it.

If keeping busy helps, go for it.

I had two late miscarriages, at 22 and 16 weeks.

so so sorry for your loss, sending so much love ):