two miscarriages and family bereavement

[jonbec]

I have suffered two miscarriages this year, 1 in april and 1 in september. The first baby should have been born this week and I am finding it so difficult to cope with. I have also recently, very suddenly and traumatically lost my mother in law. We found out in August that she was terminally ill, but she could have 18mnths to live. I september I discovered that I had had a missed miscarriage. The day after my operation my m-in-l took to her bed, and sadly ended up back in hospital and never recovered. I had promised her that she would not die in hospital, but she did. My job is also quite demanding at the moment, and is taking alot out of me emotionally. everything is so hard. My husband is wonderful, but he has suffered so much too, I feel so alone. I also have two children, who are both fantastic. How do I cope with how I am feeling now though, I so wanted another child

Jonbec, so sorry for all you're going through. I had a miscarriage and found out that my Dad was terminally ill on the same day and he died a month or so after. So I have some understanding of what you're going through. For me, I was so numb that two of the most traumatic things that could have happened to me at the same time, I felt like I was walking round watching my life from the outside IYSWIM. I also understand the feeling alone comment, even with a supportive DH. Grief is very personal no matter how much you share it with others. I don't think I have any magic answers other than the "time will heal" one, but that isn't really very helpful. You will get lots of support on here, but can't help but thinking it might be good for you to speak to a counsellor?

thanks for your msg, just cant really bring myself to let my dh know how sad/low im really feeling, i try to hide it from him, he has lost so much as well but seems to be coping so much better.

That's so considerate of you. If he IS truly coping well, then he'll have the capacity to understand how you're feeling and want to support you. If it's a front (sometimes, people appear to be coping and they aren't ) by talking about your losses might upset him, but that might help him grieve too. I really do see where you're coming from, but in your position, I would be to try to talk to him about it and see how it goes. Your DH, I don't know him so can't really tell you what to do!! Really sorry, got to go to bed now. Computer in bedroom and DH insisting we put the lights out.

Hi Jonbec
Very sorry to hear about difficult time you have been having. I have had two miscarriages in the past year so now how that can take its toll.
You said to your mother in law what you thought was right at the time. Any chance you could decrease work hours/ take some time off? You need to be kind to yourself now and go with the rollercoaster of grieving?