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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

I have nowhere to go for care. I don’t think what happened to me “counts”.

8 replies

OmicronPersei7 · 19/04/2021 11:07

I found out I was pregnant a couple of days after missed period. I called my GP and had a 90 second chat and was told I’d receive a referral in post for community midwives (which I did)

Today, I should be 6 + 3 but I miscarried yesterday, at home.

I didn’t bother A&E and I didn’t even ring 111 (although I did my symptom checker online). I self managed because I wanted to keep it between us and not be poked and prodded under the glare of hospital lights. Besides, I saw from other people's experiences online that they would probably just send me home to wait it out.

It’s my first pregnancy and there was blood everywhere. I was so terrified. The moment I realised that my pregnancy symptoms had gone, I thought I might faint with shock and anxiety.

I rode it out without any painkillers, because I wasn’t sure what I could take and I didn’t have anyone to ask.

This morning I called my community midwives and they were so kind to me. They thought I needed a referral to EPU and they tried to get me one, but the EPU are unable to see me. They say 6 weeks “isn’t enough” and they are “too busy”. So, just “see how it goes and take another pregnancy test in a few weeks”.

I followed up with a quick call to my GP but the medical secretary said “if the EPU won’t see you, there’s nothing we can do about it. Call us in 2 weeks after another test. Go to A&E if you get another temperature” (I had a temp of 38 overnight).

I am the sort of person that will always “see how it goes”. I don’t ever bother the doctor. I don’t take antibiotics unless I’m at death’s door. I pay for all of my prescriptions. I get my pap done and then I go home and stay healthy like a good little girl. No fuss. No muss. That’s me.

What I went through this weekend was both painful and terrifying. But also heartbreaking. But... to think it wasn’t really “real” in a medical sense. You know? It kind of cuts me up.

I believe I passed my embryo at about 4pm yesterday. I didn’t stop to inspect it too closely. Closed my eyes and hit the turbo flush.

We’re going to try again and, next time, I won’t be telling my GP until I’m 8 weeks. It’s just too much to deal with, if it goes wrong. I guess what I learned this time is that the NHS don’t have any time for miscarriages that happen before 12 weeks. It’s not really a thing. Which is odd. Because it felt like a thing to me...

OP posts:
Mummyme87 · 19/04/2021 11:19

I am so so sorry this has happened to you. I’m a midwife and ashamed that you have been treated this way.
What happened to you is significant. If you had a temperature of 38 last night I would probably rock up to A&E. I don’t think it’s acceptable that EPU just say they’re too busy. Where do you live? My trust EPU is self referral.

Inhale an ectopic last summer at 5weeks, went to A&E in agony, seen in EPU, and went to theatre within a couple of hours. Gestation as far as I’m concerned is irrelevant

OmicronPersei7 · 19/04/2021 11:41

My temp is totally normal now and I am not presenting ectopic symptoms in any way. The community midwife just said to rest as much as possible for next few days and “take good care of myself”. She couldn’t stop apologising that the EPU won’t see me.

I’m in Worcestershire and my EPU appears to be by referral only?

God, I just feel so awful today. It feels like I went through something really enormous and life changing but there’s just nothing in place for women like me.

I definitely didn’t need A&E but some sort of care latterly would be nice.

So sorry to hear about what happened to you @Mummyme87 xx

OP posts:
MorgeMooney · 19/04/2021 11:42

Sorry to hear this op.

Realistically the EPU/GP don't involve themselves much in early miscarriages because there is absolutely nothing they can do, and it's very common.

Welikebeingcosy · 19/04/2021 11:47

I hope you can get some counselling. If you can't get it through the doctor there's always lots of local charity ones which do a sliding scale fee. Sorry for your loss.

Clymene · 19/04/2021 11:51

I would call the miscarriage association for advice and support. To be honest with you though, there is bugger all support even if you're later in your pregnancy.

I'm sorry for your loss.

RosesAndHellebores · 19/04/2021 11:56

It does sound as though they have been kind op even though the EPU isn't available to you.

Miscarriage always hurts emotionally when ever it happens. I recall losing my first at about 7 weeks and going to the GP to have it recorded in my notes. All she said was "did you want it" without looking up. I still remember it more than 27 years on.

I hope you find your peace over this.

NutellaEllaElla · 19/04/2021 11:59

I can feel your sadness in your posts and wanted to acknowledge that it was a thing that you went through. An important thing and I'm really sorry for your loss. Can you talk to someone? A friend, family member or organisation mentioned above? Not because there's anything wrong with how you're feeling but because you deserve to talk about it, to give it the time it deserves. To get some support.

ivfbeenbusy · 19/04/2021 17:48

I'm so sorry - I had 7 losses including 2 ruptured ectopics between 7 and 12 weeks.
Unfortunately your experience is very much the norm and to be fair to a&e and EPU there is literally nothing they can do to prevent a miscarriage once it starts at such an early stage in pregnancy

I'm not a million miles from Worcester and most EPUs are referral only. Pre covid however they would normally see you to ensure that the sac had passed and there was no retained products

I has to fight to be seen when I had what I knew was my second ectopic - EPU fobbed me off - luckily my IVF clinic scanned me very quickly after I rang them and they called an ambulance. EPU apologised profusely - they have to "triage" people over the phone and believe it or not a lot of women will lie about having bleeding to get a reassurance scan so they tend to treat everyone the same no matter the circumstances

Taking care of yourself is important and maybe plan a little way to remember your baby at home x

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