How long is too long off work?

[mumsneedtochat]

Hi I recently had my second miscarriage, I found out on Sunday and so I took this week off work. I am a nhs nurse and have worked the whole way through covid and it has been seriously hard on me mentally at times. I found out I was pregnant and it was like a light at the end of the tunnel for us after previously having an ectopic.

Sadly it was taken away from us so quickly. I am just wondering how long is ok to have off work? I was thinking I might take two weeks, time to just recover, adjust and try get myself back to normal again however I fear people may think this is too long a time to have off.

What are your thoughts please?

So very sorry for your loss OP. Not at ALL too long to take off, goodness me. Take the time you need and put yourself first after an incredibly tough year.

You take as long as you need OP I’m sorry you’re going through this

I am so sorry, OP. That is a lot to deal with. I think you should take the time you need and two weeks seems perfectly reasonable to me. You can self certify and get a doctor’s note for the rest. Your body has been through a lot and your mind.

As a line manager, I’d have no issue supporting a colleague who would ask for that time in such circumstances. I’d rather she was able to recover and come back when she was ready, than be forced into too much, too soon. In your profession, that’s really important.

Through a combination of sick leave and Christmas I had three weeks off after my ectopic and I couldn’t have gone back sooner. When I did go back, I did a phased return as I was still recovering. You do what you need to.

Definitely take as long as you need, I'm so sorry OP. I work in the NHS too (also clinical frontline) and there's such a culture of not taking time off when you need to, that it can be easy to feel guilty - even when you absolutely shouldn't! If you were my colleague I'd fully support it

I only have males in my team. It is kind of expect if I had a female 2 weeks is absolutely reasonable. Especially in your job! I have one guy that reports to me and his wife lost a baby and I just sent him home for about 8/9 days. He just checked his emails. It's a tough time and needs to be recognised by employers. I'm sorry for your loss OP x

I had an early miscarriage. When it was diagnosed at the epu the first thing the nurse did after telling me was to write me a sick note for 2 weeks. It seemed the standard length of time they recommended at that clinic. I was very grateful for it as well. Having the time helped. You should definitely take it. Give yourself some time to recover physically and mentally.

@MsMMarple

I had an early miscarriage. When it was diagnosed at the epu the first thing the nurse did after telling me was to write me a sick note for 2 weeks. It seemed the standard length of time they recommended at that clinic. I was very grateful for it as well. Having the time helped. You should definitely take it. Give yourself some time to recover physically and mentally.

Thank you so much for your message. I thought I should at least give myself the week off but now the week is half way through, I'm thinking I haven't even had time to come to terms with what's happened and I just don't feel ready to go to work and put a straight face on at this stage. x

@glitterbubbles

Definitely take as long as you need, I'm so sorry OP. I work in the NHS too (also clinical frontline) and there's such a culture of not taking time off when you need to, that it can be easy to feel guilty - even when you absolutely shouldn't! If you were my colleague I'd fully support it

You are so right. With being so short staffed all the time, I almost feel responsible to show up at work no matter what is going on at home and sometimes that just isn't okay and affects us in a bad way. I know I need to be selfish here and put myself first for once.

@NigellasMicrowave

I am so sorry, OP. That is a lot to deal with. I think you should take the time you need and two weeks seems perfectly reasonable to me. You can self certify and get a doctor’s note for the rest. Your body has been through a lot and your mind.

As a line manager, I’d have no issue supporting a colleague who would ask for that time in such circumstances. I’d rather she was able to recover and come back when she was ready, than be forced into too much, too soon. In your profession, that’s really important.

Through a combination of sick leave and Christmas I had three weeks off after my ectopic and I couldn’t have gone back sooner. When I did go back, I did a phased return as I was still recovering. You do what you need to.

Thank you so much for your message.

I was only going to take the week off but now I've been thinking I should maybe have two weeks and just have a little more time to mull over everything that has happened and how I have been feeling. I'm not ready to pretend and don't feel myself yet. I don't want to end up going back too soon and not being able to do my job as I should.

At 7weeks took 1 week off after loss.
But you should take what you feel would help and 2weeks seems reasonable since you're body will be recovering still. So sorry.

I had nearly 4 weeks off working as a nursery nurse, then a phased return after that. I was still bleeding for over 2 weeks after the medical management so there was no way I was even physically ready to go back before then, let only mentally.

I'm so sorry for your loss

I had a missed miscarriage and received medical management a Week later. After TTC for nearly 2 years I couldn’t believe it was finally happening for us. When it was taken away I was really in a bad place. I was off for 4 weeks. I still have another appointment with EPU due to thick uterus lining and HCG lingering and may need surgery where id need more time. We’re all different but you take what is right for you and do not go back too soon. You need time physically and mentally to recover xx

I've had 3 and I agonised with the first one how long I'd need off. I took 2 weeks and it was about right (I was 7 weeks pregnant, no medical management but a lot of pain and bleeding). The second one was 5 weeks and I worked through. Felt physically well and mentally ok. 3rd was an ectopic requiring surgery and I was off for a month. In hindsight I needed more that time and rushed back too soon. 6 weeks would have been more like it.

Also remember it's not selfish! If you aren't feeling well yourself you aren't able to take care of your patients to the best of your ability. You need to take care of you to take care of them.

I was off 2 weeks after surgery. Was off for my epu scan on the weds, told them I wouldn't be in wed thurs or Friday. I had my ERPC on the Friday then took 2 weeks off. Only took a week, then went back but was awful so I phoned gp that Monday and got signed off for a second week.

I took one full week off after my MC (only 7 weeks but had really excessive bleeding/haemorrhage which landed me in A&E)
But looking back, I probably should have had 2 weeks. I spent the whole week with the bleeding tailing off and physically not feeling pregnant any more but mentally I wasn't ready, it was such a traumatic experience and a real shock to the system.
I think 2 weeks is completely fine for your circumstances, OP. So sorry you are going through this, it's the worst

Meant to add that the excessive blood loss ended up making me anaemic for a while afterwards, don't think I realised how run down I felt for a good few weeks and some blood tests. Nothing a good iron supplement couldn't sort out but looking back I was exhausted and I look so pale and washed out and just unwell in photos from around that time
So I would definitely lean towards taking more time off rather than less.

I had an ectopic in January and took 7 weeks off. I was physically very unwell with bleeding, headaches and fatigue for at least 3 weeks. After that I slowly got my strength back up but was easily overwhelmed and upset. I have a senior professional job and I just couldn’t go back to it until I was confident in myself and wasn’t going to make mistakes with a fuzzy head. I was signed back to work on a 4 week phased return. Everyone is different but slow and steady was best for me xxx

I had about 10 days off. Went back in, far to soon for me and my circumstances- ended up signed off for a further month and counselling. Definitely don't rush back or you could end up off for longer

I rushed back with misplaced sense of duty. Was a terrible decision and I paid the price emotionally and professionally. Please take the two weeks. Your job is relentless once you're back in. I'm so sorry for your loss.

So sorry you’re going through this OP.

It was so reassuring to read the responses to your post - I’m an NHS nurse too and currently going through a miscarriage over the past few days and just wanted to say, I thought I’d a need week before returning to work but now I’m halfway through that week, the thought of leaving my safe place (just me, OH and the dog!) makes me feel quite overwhelmed. The physical side may be lessening but I still feel in a sad, dark place, there’s many times I’ve just crumpled and cried. There’s no way I could do my job right now. It’s tough.

Take the time you need and deserve. xx

I am on my 3rd month, physical I was fine after a month - however as soon as I see a baby or a pram I get upset and I work outdoors with the public.
So I don't feel ready to put myself out there, my personal opinion is to take as long as you need xx

Take the time off you need. Look after yourself. I didn’t have anytime off and looking back it was a big mistake. If you don’t feel ready to go back , take more time, I’m so sorry for your loss.

I found out on 26 March that our baby's heartbeat had stopped at 9.5 weeks. I was in such emotional distress that I couldn't work last week.

I started medical management on Friday, the doctor backdated the medical cert plus 2 weeks more for recovery, her words were "You’ll need it". I lost a lot of blood and had to go into emergency on Saturday, I'm very weak physically and so nauseous. I'm so glad I have next week too to recover. All in all I'll be off 13 WDs

I'd a MC in January while about 9 weeks along, and was off for 4 weeks - signed off sick for 2 weeks, and then another two. I took the tabs, and then had weekly scans and blood tests to see whether all had passed. I think I needed that time, and I found once back at work - no allowances made, straight back in, so do what's right for YOU.