We were recently told at our 12 week scan that they couldn’t find a heartbeat and that the baby had stopped growing around 11 weeks.
We were given our three options and I spent hours looking through mumsnet posts at different people’s experiences. I found reading them really helpful in coming to a decision so I decided to make a post of my experience to hopefully help other people.
When we were first given our options I immediately thought I would want to wait for it to happen naturally. However once I had come to terms with the whole thing I realised I wanted it to all be over and that waiting for what could be weeks, for me, would be quite distressing. The surgery option, whilst I actually read a lot of positive story’s about this option, I felt this would be quite an ordeal having never had surgery before and felt a bit too clinical. Medical management seemed somewhat more ‘natural’. I did doubt my decision though as I read some pretty horrible stories online, especially as I seemed to be further along than a lot of other people and therefore had to stay at hospital whilst it happened (up to a certain point I believe you are able to take the tablets home and manage it at home). However now it is over I am glad I made this decision and it was actually quite a positive experience for me.
We went into hospital to take the first tablet. I was told some people can start to bleed after this but nothing happened for me. 48 hours later we went back, this time onto a ward. My husband was able to stay with me the whole time and we had our own room with our own toilet. I was given three pessarys to start the contractions and also a painkiller and antibiotic suppository. Whilst this bit wasn’t exactly pleasant, it was over quickly and then that was that. They told me that until it was over they would also bring me tablets to take orally every 3 hours.
3 hours later nothing had happened. No pain and no bleeding. They bought me two tablets which I took orally. Half an hour after this I started to get period pain like cramps. They were quite bad but no worse than bad period pain. I had read that it starts like this and gets worse and worse so I was scared at this point about how bad it would get but it actually didn’t really get any worse. I had took a hot water bottle with me which the nurses filled up regularly and I was massively recommend this. I also asked for painkillers as soon as it started, as my husband pointed out, you don’t need to be in pain so take whatever is going!
Although the bleeding had started it wasn’t too heavy, after half an hour I felt my waters go. It was quite a lot and soaked my pad, underwear and trousers. I don’t really think I had been expecting this. The pain then changed from constant period pain to more like contractions, coming and going. After half an hour I went to the toilet, one push and I felt something pass, I looked down and it was the baby. It did look exactly like a little baby. With little arms and all it’s facial features. This is what I had been most worried about but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. With the next contraction the placenta came and there was immediate relief from the pain and I felt so much better.
Me and my husband both looked at the baby. As I said, I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this but am glad I did. In fact, one thing we both said we wish we had done was take a picture. It probably sounds awful but I already worry I am misremembering.
It was actually after this I started to bleed more. I soaked a pad in the first hour. Although i wasn’t in pain anymore and there were no clots. I probably went through another 2 or 3 clots whilst at the hospital. They kept checking my bed pans until they were happy the bleeding had slowed enough for us to go home which was about 4 more hours after it was over.
So although we were at the hospital around 10 hours, once the bleeding and cramping started I’d say that this part only lasted around an hour. All in all i am happy with my decision and it was not as painful or traumatic as I thought it would be.
I hope this helps others and if you are having to make the decision I am sorry that you are going through it. But you will be okay, and we will get there 🙂