Missed miscarriage experiences

[Shanos]

Hi all, sorry in advance if this is TMI and for the long story. I’m just wondering if there is anyone else who has experienced anything similar to me as I had been trawling through threads hoping to find some comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one.

After trying for a baby for a year, I finally became pregnant. Had a private scan at just under 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat and went back at week 10 to be told that there was no longer a heartbeat and that baby was measuring around 7 weeks. I had spent the last few weeks starting to relax and looking forward to the baby arriving this year. I honestly thought everything was okay. To fast forward... Saw EPU, had an NHS scan to confirm missed miscarriage. I was given options and decided to let it happen naturally.

I had heard of missed miscarriages after the anxious side of me started googling at the start of my pregnancy. But nothing could have prepared me for the next part, as if the whole situation couldn’t have already been bad enough. Two days after seeing EPU, I had crippling pain so went for a bath and the miscarriage had started. I had a total meltdown as there was so much blood and clots etc. I felt something wasn’t right. Soaked through 2 maxi pads in 30 minutes and had blood running down my legs and soaking my trousers. Phoned EPU who asked me to go straight in to them as I was losing too much blood.

On the way, I had what they would call contractions which were every few minutes. By the time I arrived at the hospital, the pain was constant and I was crying and begging for pain relief, I couldn’t stand/sit/lie down and it honestly felt like I was going to explode from the pain. I had never felt anything like this ever before, it was horrendous. Finally given pain relief 30 mins later which really didn’t help the pain at all. I just couldn’t stop thinking that I would never want to try and get pregnant again as this was too much to deal with. A doctor had to pull tissue and clots out, and the blood was pouring out. The procedure took 10-15 mins and it was so painful. They didn’t seem convinced at whatever they could see so brought in another doctor who did the same procedure and more was pulled out. After the second round, the pain massively subsided and left me with mild cramps and feeling like I had totally imagined the pain I had endured only 10 minutes before. I was kept in for a few hours to ensure the pain and bleeding has lessened, and they advised more might have to be done if not. Thankfully both subsided and I was allowed to go home a few hours later. I felt physically and mentally exhausted but was glad not to be in excruciating pain any longer.

The next day, everything suddenly hit me and I found myself feeling a bit lost and lonely as i feel like nobody could ever understand what I have been through. My partner has been absolutely amazing and held my hand the whole time, and has been making sure I have everything I need. We have become stronger as a couple. I just wanted to know if anyone has had anything similar to my experience... . Reading that missed miscarriages aren’t that common was one blow but having to go through this was another. Despite not feeling like it at the time, I think that after we recover from this experience as a couple, we will try again. I won’t give up hope yet.

Thank you x

I'm so sorry you had to go through this and for your loss

Sadly it is quite common for women to not be prepared for the physical reality of a 'natural' miscarriage. I've had three losses and each one was different. I started bleeding a few days after a scan to confirm my MMC, and the contractions and the size of the tissue was unexpected and traumatic.

Take time to recover from what you have gone through, and keep posting on here if it helps. Time does make things easier ❤️

I had a MMC last July. We'd had two previous, normal scans, and then at 10 and a half weeks we had a scan and there was no heartbeat. Because of Covid, we couldn't do medical management (D&C) so we elected for management at home, with pessaries.

I put the pessaries in on Saturday morning and by Saturday afternoon the pain was excruciating. It was on a par with labour. I was begging for an ambulance and absolutely floored by the sheer agony. After a few hours the pain subsided and I started bleeding. But the whole experience was hugely traumatic.

I had another miscarriage last week (not missed - miscarried naturally at 8 weeks) and that had no pain at all.

Hope you're doing ok. Take it easy and look after yourself.

Yes, I had a missed miscarriage in early February with the same dates as you OP. Although I hadn't previously seen a heartbeat and was awaiting my dating scan so didn't have that added level of distress to deal with.

Mine started naturally whilst I was trying to decide how to proceed, having been informed the day before. The bleeding and clots were horrific and I was barely conscious at times. I was admitted but staff couldn't stop the bleeding so I ended up with emergency ERPC under general anaesthesia. I was unwell afterwards with low BP whenever I stood so was kept overnight. I was alone throughout as we had nobody to be with our child.

I had nightmares in the following weeks and was paranoid about my bleeding. I was in no way prepared for how brutal miscarriage can be. For me, the physical vulnerability of it all coupled with being alone and afraid was the worst part. Worse than the loss itself in many ways.

Unfortunately I still had retained tissue so needed another procedure three weeks later, under local anesthesia this time. Again, alone throughout due to Covid restrictions and nobody to care for our child. Thankfully I've settled now and have had a period (about 5 weeks after the miscarriage and 9 days after the second procedure). I am anaemic now though unsurprisingly.

I change my mind back and forth between wanting to try again and being terrified. I went into pregnancy anxious because I had a difficult time with our first child. I waited 8 years to try for our second. But, I'm late thirties now so don't have years to get 'ready' this time around.

The rawness of it all has abated a little now but it's something that will stay with me forever.

Take as much time as you need to recover, physically and mentally. It's a bumpy road even if the process itself is 'straightforward'.

I wish you all the best OP

We had a MMC at 12 weeks, having seen a perfect waving baby w heartbeat at 10 weeks (baby died at 11 weeks). Its heartbreaking.

I was much more fortunate than you in terms of the physical process - had a planned ERPC so didnt have to experience natural miscarriage, which sounds brutal.

Be gentle with yourself, this is a traumatic experience you have had x

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and for your kind words, it means a lot and has brought some comfort to me in such a difficult time 💖 It seems everyone has a different experience but painful all the same. Nothing can prepare you for miacarriage I hope you are all well and happiness comes your way, you all deserve it 💖 x

Firstly sorry for your loss, MMCs are so cruel! I had an MMC last July at 16 wks with twin daughters. Due to their size and my body not recognising it I was given medical management to induce labour and had the babies in the hospital. Unfortunately the placenta didn't want to come out so like you had a dr physically removing it. They thought that worked but a month later I was admitted by ambulance due to blood lose from infected retained products, I had an MVA so was under for it.
At the time being pregnant again felt so far away but it's amazing how you can recover both physically and mentally. I am now 17 wks with a single baby and so far all is going to plan. I am having a planned c-section this time as the consultant agrees it will help me have a positive birth experience and not relive what happened.

@Shanos Firstly sorry for your loss and having to go through all the trauma and complications your are not alone as i went through very similar. We found out at our 12 week scan baby had past away, was advised due to shock i may start to miscarry naturally, which was correct it started off ok a few days later just very upsetting then the nightmare just got worse and worse, same as you i was having painful contractions, bleeding through everything, was on hands and knees for pain and projectile vomiting and eventually passed out from the pain (luckily my fiance was home and he called ambulance immediately) by time paramedics turned up i was awake again but unable to leave the toilet due to clots and blood, they immediately put a cannula in and was given morphine for pain (all whilst sitting on toilet was very dignified)..not, contractions were coming every few minutes and they gave me gas & air to help me breathe through them, i felt a pop and my water broke and i passed a massive clot once got myself together they got me in the ambulance, bleed through my trousers and pads on way and when got to hospital was immediately examined and they removed huge clots there and then (my god that hurt) after i felt some relief and was admitted unfortunately the relief was short lived and following day had a further scan (which was already booked in) confirming i had lost my baby at 11 weeks but showed my sac was still growing so was 12-13 weeks in size and help would be needed to pass everything, i had another lot of painful contractions shortly after and bleeding and ended up having a emergency d&c. Once i got to back to the ward the emotional side hit me and i just sobbed. im 9 weeks post now and doing much better just waiting on my period to make its appearance now. Honestly was the most traumatic experience and there is no warning or advice just the typical its like a bad period well i can say from my experience it definitely wasnt.

So sorry you are going through this, I had a mmc last year, it was such an awful experience. I was lucky with the pain that wasn’t too strong but the grief and the sense of loneliness was horrendous. I couldn’t imagine it at the time but you do get through it, I found the grief came in waves, I could be fine then in floods of tears a few minutes later. I’ve just had a second misscarraige, this time an early loss with no bleeding and I’ve been reading “the baby loss guide” and “saying goodbye” I really recommend them

I am sorry you have been through this Shanos, and wish you very good luck for the future.

I recently had an MMC too. I went to my 12 week scan feeling nauseous and generally pregnant, only to be told the baby had stopped growing at nine weeks, and there was no heartbeat. It was devastating.

I actually opted for medical management, as I just wanted it over at that stage. I had the pessaries about ten hours after receiving the news and stayed in hospital (luckily). Within a couple of hours I felt something huge pass and that was the first of a number of huge, doughnut sized clots, all accompanied by deluges of blood. After nearly two hours of that, the SHO came and attempted to remove debris that was stuck in the cervix, but it didn’t help. An hour later he tried again, and an hour after that, the registrar came. She got most of the ‘pregnancy materials’ and I had injection and a drip to slow the bleeding, which seemed to stop everything. They scanned me the following morning, but there was still bits there, so I had to book in for surgery the following week.

It was all quite traumatic, and it is taking a long time to process everything. I am starting to have ‘normal days’, but other days are still a challenge.