Me and my partner have been together about a year and a half. We dont live together. We have talked about the possibility of having a baby together at some point in the future but we're not trying. I have 2 children. He doesn't have any.
My kids were with their Dad for the weekend so I was home alone. Me and my partner would usually spend these weekends together but we'd had an argument the night before so hadn't met up. I wasn't feeling well and told him this when he called. I told him not to come over.
He called me later in the day and I said I was in a lot of pain and something was wrong. He came over and I didn't answer the door. He asked the neighbour if they had a spare key but they didn't. He decided to smash the window to get inside. He found me passed out and called an ambulance. I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. At the hospital they told him I could have died if he hadn't found me.
I feel like I was ill, went to hospital, had an operation and now I'm better. We weren't trying for a baby. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I have had a miscarriage before and was devastated. This is nothing like that.
My partner is a mess. He's freaked out that they said I could have died and doesn't want me out of his sight. I get it was traumatic for him and I'm trying to see things from his point of view but he is smothering me. It's too much.
He is absolutely gutted about the pregnancy. I can understand this. But he expects me to have the same feelings as him and I just dont. He says I'm not opening up to him and I'm not being honest about my feelings. He doesn't believe me when I tell him the truth. He gets frustrated with me and we argue. I feel guilty that I don't feel the way he does.
We spoke to someone but after seeing him breakdown the way he did, I just couldn't admit how I really feel.
What's wrong with me? He is completely broken. He says it was a part of the both of us that has died. Maybe I'm a completely heartless, cold monster of a person or my brain isn't processing it properly or something but to me it was not a baby. With my miscarriage with my ex, we were trying for a baby, I knew I was pregnant, I was imagining our future with the baby growing inside me. But this is not the same. I don't have those same feelings. I dont know why it doesn't feel the same, but it doesn't.