At a loss after a MMC

[Tamalama]

I had my 13 week scan on Monday to find out that my twins had both stopped growing 3 weeks ago. I had a D&C on Wednesday, so I know it's only been two days but I feel at such a loss. I had an early scan at 6 weeks 2 days and I saw a heartbeat for both twins, so I'm in complete shock by what happened on Monday.

I had bad morning sickness, my tummy was growing, I didn't have any bleeding, so I just can't get my head around it.

I had a MC two years ago at 5.5 weeks which was a natural MC. I do have a DD who is 4, and of course I'm so blessed to have her, but I'm absolutely devastated. My DH is being supportive but no one really understands.

@Tamalamam I’m so sorry, mmc is so cruel especially when you feel like you’ve already been through so much in those 3 months and before.

I’m 5 weeks post erpc - my baby died at 9weeks and I found out at 10.5 weeks. I think the fact that your body doesn’t recognise the mc means it takes even longer for your brain to process and except it. I felt so sad but also angry that I was still having pregnancy symptoms even after erpc.

I have 2 sons but it doesn’t make the miscarriage any easier to accept so don’t feel like it should you’re mourning for those little lives you were so excited about.

No one understands and everyone seems to deal with it differently but I found these chat threads so helpful as it’s people going through it right now and we understand your pain.

The support thread is great lots of women at the same stage

I hope things start to process and get easier for you xxx

@Tamalama I had a D&C 2 weeks ago. I found out at an scan nearly 8 weeks that I was measuring behind by over a week and couldn’t see HB yet. Then rescanned at 9 weeks and had the operation later that week. I also had a MMC in 2018 at 11 weeks so this was my second one :(
Have had a son in between but I feel very betrayed that my body hasn’t told me with either of the miscarriages. Thinking of you, I have defo found time is helpful in dealing with these situations xxx

I should have been 9+4 today. Had a private early scan at 7 weeks was dated 7+1 and saw a heartbeat which she said was perfect at 144bpm (I think). I've been very sick with HG, even to the point last week was prob my worst week I even called my GP to try me on different meds as my current were doing nothing I was still throwing up 6-15 times a day on them. Anyway this weekend it's just disappeared and I felt normal, no nausea or anything so today I freaked out, called midwife unit, called round all the early scan places and finally managed to get a private scan this afternoon. They were rubbish, didn't let my DP in, she did abdominal for ages said nothing, told me she needed to do internal and I had to go pee, then ages into an internal she said there was no HB and it was only measuring 7+1. She kept scanning me for ages even as I'm lying there hysterically crying when I just wanted to leave and get to my DP. It was honestly the most awful experience of my life. I immediately phoned my midwife unit and they've got me in for a scan on Wednesday to confirm. But in my heart I know there's no hope as there was no HB. I just keep thinking HOW has my baby died the same day I got a scan and saw a HB (that scan was abdominal and clear as day!! Different private clinic from today's). How can this be happening, after seeing a HB and an exact measurement I really thought it would be ok. This was my first ever pregnancy. And I've been so so so sick the last 9 weeks. It just seems so cruel. So cruel of my body that last week I was practically in bed the whole week and constant throwing up and my baby was dead? How can it be? It was awful and I want a baby so badly, but now I have to put myself through all that again from the start. We always wanted two but I was so sick I said to DP would you be sad if we just had the one - i was that unwell. I just don't know how I can do it. Can my body even do it? Was it because I was so sick and couldn't eat? I lost over 9lbs since falling pregnant and I was a healthy bmi before anyways so I'm quite small. Can anyone help with what to expect? I don't want to go to work - can I call in sick? My manager and the office manager both know I was pregnant I told them after 1st scan as I was so sick. Snuck downstairs to be on my own, crying into the born in 2021 baby grow I bought knowing that there will now never be a little one in it and I won't be a mum in 2021. Baby was due on my birthday too. Part of me just wishes I would die with my baby.

@Tamalama ohhh I’m sooooo sorry for you !!!!! I know exactly how you feel and it’s heart breaking !!! I had many losses and know exactly how you feel ! My first loss I had a scan at 6+4 days And saw heart beat and all was okay , went back at 11 weeks to find out I was still Measuring at 6+ 4 so it was a missed misscarrige and I didn’t even know for 4 weeks that my baby had died and my body wouldn’t get rid of it until 4 weeks later , soo horrible !! It was a shock for me too xxxx

@Tamalama I am sure this is you who used to private message me ? I am so so so sorry for your loss I cannot begin to comprehend what you are going/gone through. Try to let your husband look after you and take each day as it comes.
Life really can be so cruel I am seeing it more and more x
So sorry to all you other ladies who have lost babies, unfair just isn't the word x

@Tamalama I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I was told there was no heartbeat at 9.5 weeks on 26 March after seeing a heartbeat at 7 weeks. I did medical management over Easter weekend, which was horrendous.

I'm just taking each hour as it comes, some are darker than others, some I'm ok. Just let your OH look after you, don't put any pressure on yourself. Lots of love. Xx

@Tamalama I'm very sorry about your loss. I had a similar situation (MMC discovered at 13wks, perfect heartbeat seen at 10wks, baby died at 11wks) and had ERPC surgery also. I would say it took 1 month to function properly again, about 3 months to feel okay again. It takes time, be gentle with yourself.

I would consider asking your healthboard if they will test for APS given the later loss time and that you have had a miscarriage before. Mine is now offering this for MC where the baby died after 10 weeks (not when the MC happened, when the fetus passed away is the important time point here). It is one (rare) cause of end of first trimester or into 2nd trimester fetal death. Unfortunately, lots of healthboards dont offer it until 3 losses.

I had a MMC with twins at 16 wks last July, like you I had scans that saw heathy heartbeats. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I unfortunately had retained products so after a month I was back in hospital.
We started trying again in November and we're very fortunate to get pregnant on the 2nd cycle. I am now 19 wks, the anxiety doesn't go away or the loss but I think you get better at managing it

Hi all for your lovely messages and advice. I'm sorry to hear you've all been through the same thing. I'm currently in my TWW and all I'm thinking is here we go again...

@mrssunshinexxx yep, I am the one who used to private message you. How are you doing and how is your DD? X

@Tamalama hey I am also in my TWW 😄

@Tamalama can I ask what dpo are you ? When do you test ? 😍

Hi @Sadgirl28 I think I'm 8dpo and I already tested today 😂🤦‍♀️ obviously BFN.
When I was pregnant with my twins I got a BFP at 10dpo so I'm trying to hold out until then. With that pregnancy I just knew I was pregnant, my symptoms were different and around 7/8dpo I felt a popping sensation, which I guess was implantation. I don't really have any pregnancy feelings yet so I'm not too hopeful, even though it's early days anyway.

How many dpo are you? When will you be testing?

Hi @Tamalama I tried to PM you but couldn't work out how ! How are you feeling? I'm ok thanks it's coming up to a year since my mum died just trying to cope as best I can. My little one is a brillIiant distraction that's for sure xx

@Tamalama I know I hate this tww ! I am 6dpo so very nervous and exited ! I feel like I did everything right this cycle , so fingers crossed for both of us !!! I tested as well today hahahah obviously negative 😂😂 I thought just maybe maybe I’ll see a shadow or something , but I knew it was too early , so still have a good chance ! I will be testing probably in 2 days and onwards , at 8 dpo and so on . My luteal phase is only 11-12 days so I can test earlier 😆 last time when I was pregnant I tested very faint positive at 9 dpo xxx

@Crazylemon86 sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my baby 16+1 weeks on Tuesday 27th April, so all very fresh.

I had to deliver baby and placenta and the midwife seemed very confident that my placenta seemed intact as much as she could. What symptoms did you have for retained material? I've called the delivery suit twice this week with discomfort not cramps, and passing large bits of tissue not clots, they don't want to see me.

@babybumpfor2021 I am so sorry for your loss my situation was quite similar to yours. I was recovering well and the bleeding slowed after about 10 days but then it started again gradually getting worse. In the end the tissue that was left became infected so my body went from coping to not coping very suddenly. I had to call an ambulance as I was losing so much blood, I was then admitted and was put on antibiotics and had an MVA. Once that was done I had no bleeding. They think in the few days where my body stopped coping I lost about 1/3 of my blood overall. I didn't at any point feel unwell or have any pain. If you are worried could you contact your bereavement midwife and ask for a scan to check all is ok?

@Crazylemon86 thank you for your reply, I've hardly had any bleeding just a light period. The whole experience has been so traumatic, but I feel so guilty that I want to try again ASAP, it took us 2.5ys for this little one with fertility support.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

@babybumpfor2021 Thank you, please don't feel guilty for wanting to try again. I was 100% the same but my body just wasn't ready and maybe in hindsight that was a good thing. Our twins were girls and we now know that this baby is a girl too, I try and see it that they are looking out for her and keeping her safe (I realise for some that's rubbish but it helps me), The twins have names and we talk about them etc and this baby will know about her big sisters. Is there a midwife or gp you can talk to about what support you need going forward?

@Crazylemon86 our baby was too small for them to tell us the sex, we will wait for the post-mortem report to know. We will do a funeral and have a memory box.

Do you know why you lost your girls? I'm desperate for a baby but so worried this will happen again.

I am fortunate (probably wrong word) that my hospital had a bereavement delivery unit and 2 dedicated bereavement midwives, I have also booked myself in for a counselling season next week. I hope to be able to return to work then, my hubby is going back to work then and I don't want to sit at home alone.

X

@babybumpfor2021 so we were the same, they think the twins passed at somewhere between 13/14 wks. The post-mortem told us they were girls. I had continuous light bleeding from around 8/9 wks (basically when the placenta took over) so they think they it never implanted properly and as the twins grew it couldn't support them any further. They drew that conclusion from nothing else coming up from the post-mortem. It did make trying again easier as their was no genetic problems but it is still a very scary time. I had a bleed during this pregnancy near the beginning which I thought it was happening again, it turned out I had a hematoma and that resolved by 12 wks.
I have been offered lots more scans and check through this pregnancy due to second trimester loss so hopefully you will be offered the same

@Crazylemon86
The ttc part was a nightmare, my pregnancy was text book, with symptoms no bleeding or cramps, I even felt implantation. It was a MMC no heart beat on a private scan.

Did you wait for your postmortem results before trying again?

Thank you for sharing your story, it's really helped me

@babybumpfor2021 we did wait until after the post-mortem to start trying again but it wasn't really because of that. Both my husband and I said give it 3 months and we would talk about it, this removed the pressure from either of us and gave time to process etc. Then we decided we both felt ready to go again, I'm sorry I can't offer any advice on TTC we are beyond lucky to have got pregnant again so quickly. Hopefully your post-mortem will be able to give you some answers so you can feel prepared and ready to try again. I don't think there is an answer on when it's best, it's just when you both feel ready. What happened has definitely taken any innocence out of pregnancy and I don't think I will fully relax until I'm holding my baby, it does get easier though. I'm not consumed by anxiety I just have to keep thinking statistically it won't happen again and focus on the positives.