So unfair

[Solomon1212]

So i had a miscarriage last month at 7 weeks this was my 3rd early miscarriage but the furthest along.

Problem is i cant get past it, everywhere i look there are babies or friends getting pregnant. I want to be happy for them but inside im just so miserable. I should be looking forward to having my own and instead watching everyone else celebrate which completely sucks.
My partner has decided to have the snip now as doesnt want to try anymore. So im left wanting but i know thats not going to happen which makes it even worse.
Has anyone been through this and what is your advice?

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I feel exactly the same. I've had 4 miscarriages altogether but also have been so lucky to have 2 girls. I also wanted another baby but my husband didn't, we got pregnant by accident November time and that has just ended last week in another missed miscarriage. I'm feeling devastated, I see pregnant woman and yearn for that feeling of being pregnant again. I get really mad, quite easily over nothing because my emotions are going nuts. After my last miscarriage I was referred to a charity called Cradle, and they have put me forward for a grief workshop which after reading about it I think will really help me cope, grieve properly for all my losses so this feeling of anger, guilt, inadequacy will go away or I can learn to process it properly. It may be worth construing them yourself, even just for a chat to their team who may be able to help you process this? These feelings are totally normal, and it's ok to feel like this. But you, like me, sound like you need some guidance in being able to process things in a healthy way :)

Thankyou so much for your reply. It means alot to know im not alone in feeling this way and im so sorry you have had to go through it to.
I will check that out and try to get some help to process it all.
How do you feel towards your partner? Im struggling as i feel quite incomplete, he wont consider any testing which i think if i knew why, i could move on alot easier and maybe its something they can help with. I suppose im not ready to give up yet.

I absolutely understand, it's that kind of blank feeling inside, almost like there's a piece which isn't complete. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand how lucky I am having my girls, and I love them more than anything else in the world, they are my life and my purpose.... but there's something inside me that feels incomplete. My husband doesn't want anymore, and obviously after 4 losses I don't think the universe wants us to either. But I too feel that frustration with him. Not to put them down, but they don't have the same feeling/emotion, even connection to pregnancy or babies like we do. Yes they feel it, but growing someone and the mother's instinct is much more. Maybe try expressing this to him, as deeply as you feel it so he can understand the impacts his decision is having on you. It's not an easy thing, and the aftermath of these awful situations can be pushed down but somewhere along the line it'll all come out, so best to do it while it's fresh and you can be calm.

Thats exactly it. Its an inbuilt instinct and its horrible that sometimes things dont work as they should. As a woman its a feeling of failure, not to be able to do what we should which is by far the hardest pill to swallow.
Thankyou so much for your reply, youve really helped me to make sense of these emotions, a way forward and more importantly given me relief that im not alone in feeling this way. X

You are totally not alone. I don't know why we find it so hard to open up publicly about this sort of thing, it's awful how common this is but no one ever talks about it so it's like we must go through it alone... at a time we need to talk the most. I hope you find a way, I hope you get your baby, but if stopping is what is best, I just hope you are able to come to terms with it in a healthy way. All the best, take care x

It all seems very taboo doesnt it. No one speaks openly about it even though so many women experience it. We are left to suffer alone really as no matter how supportive a partner is they dont understand that bond we develop from the moment we get that positive. The grief of it is awful, even worse when it keeps happening.
I hope the same for you also, take care of yourself x

I agree OP and struggle with this too. I have worked in child protection and came across mothers who popped kids out at the drop of a hat, treated them like shit, had them taken off them, abused them, hurt them, all the while I would give anything to have what they have. I know it did me no good to compare but its almost impossible whe n you're faced with it.
My MMC was early December and I was and am completely devastated. Now my friends are starting to give birth or announce pregnancies and it does hurt.
I'm so sorry for your losses

@RapunzelHadExtensions

I agree OP and struggle with this too. I have worked in child protection and came across mothers who popped kids out at the drop of a hat, treated them like shit, had them taken off them, abused them, hurt them, all the while I would give anything to have what they have. I know it did me no good to compare but its almost impossible whe n you're faced with it. My MMC was early December and I was and am completely devastated. Now my friends are starting to give birth or announce pregnancies and it does hurt. I'm so sorry for your losses

So sorry you're going through this, and of course you would compare. It's frustrating, it always seems those who don't appreciate it get it the easiest but that's probably quite a selfish way to look at things. All you can do is keep going, we have no other choice right?

God I can relate so much. I hated pregnant women with a passion. I would avoid aisles in the supermarket just so I didn't have to see them. I would go shopping, get back and I would be able to tell hubby how many pregnant women I'd seen. It ate away at me for years and it still does a bit. My hubby has had the snip but even now just out of habit I check the toilet paper for the state of my CM.

You aren't alone in feeling like this at all

I openly told people I don't want to come to your baby shower, I'm not interested. I was a complete bitch to everyone with a baby. Christenings I avoided like the plague. We planned elaborate 'get outs' for when we went to visit people with babies.

Have you tried taking vit d and b12? Some progesterone might not go a miss either??

Really glad this is normal. Thought i was going a bit potty (well more than usual).
I cant be around babies or anything right now, its so strange how the mind works and the emotions of which some just are not rational.
Im having the injection today as i cant risk it again as and my thinking is it may suppress the need to procreate so hopefully i can get back a bit of normality and repair my relationship.

Gosh i'm so glad I found this post. I'm a few weeks on from losing my pregnancy at 14 weeks and it's just awful.
The worse thing is being constantly (virtually) surrounded by pregnant people. And even though pregnancy loss is such a common thing you still keep asking why me?? Feeling so jealous of other people's joyous and exciting experience. I can totally relate to all your feelings.
I even have a pregnant work colleague who is constantly complaining to me about her morning sickness bearing in mind she knows what happened to me!

@Solomon1212

Really glad this is normal. Thought i was going a bit potty (well more than usual). I cant be around babies or anything right now, its so strange how the mind works and the emotions of which some just are not rational. Im having the injection today as i cant risk it again as and my thinking is it may suppress the need to procreate so hopefully i can get back a bit of normality and repair my relationship.

I'm sure your relationship is strong enough and who knows what the future holds.
One step at a time x

Ladies I really want to stress I don't want to cause any upset by this but hopefully some hope in my journey to parenthood

M/C triplets at 8 weeks
Chemical
DS
M/C singleton at 7 weeks
DD1 & DD2 Twins

I've lost more than I've had and I could cry sitting here as I love them so much although I didn't know them. But they are mine and no one can take that away from me ever. I promise though that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is worth it

Really hope that hasn't upset anyone x

@hoppityintobed. Im sure it is but last one was the 3rd and its really taken its toll. We arent as close as we were so a break knowing i cant get preggers is probablyvthe best thing for it.
Its such a rollercoaster for all of us but obviously we are not alone and im pretty glad i started this thread given how many of us feel the same. Hopefully it gives us some comfort, i know it has me. X