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How were you sure to try again?
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dippyegg32 · 22/01/2021 17:41

Last month I had a mmc. After ERCP I also needed medical management after retained products. It's taken 7 weeks from finding out that the heartbeat had stopped to being told the "good news" that my scan is clear and I've had a negative test. It's been insanely stressful on top of the heartache.

I haven't even had a period yet. I swing from being adamant I'm never ever letting myself get pregnant again as I cannot possibly endure this again to "what if", "I should be x number of weeks now".

This is my first miscarriage. It was troubled from the start having been diagnosed with a haematoma. I have two daughters 6 and 10, healthy pregnancies. All three pregnancies I've been fortunate to conceive first time. I feel I should be grateful for what I have, I am, I'm so blessed but I'm worried I'll never shake off the want for a third.

I'm 32, dh is 40. Dd1 is starting secondary school in September, dd2 is starting KS2. It'd mean yet another academic year between them, less in common etc. See, I'm trying to talk myself out of it.

How did you know? How could you be sure either way? I appreciate I've "only" had one miscarriage so maybe I'm blinkered.

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dippyegg32 · 31/01/2021 10:30

Anyone?!

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twinklespells · 31/01/2021 10:47

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage OP.

I haven't been in your situation so I can't say how you would know really. I am a data geek so I would probably look at the fact you've had two healthy pregnancies and reassure myself that the odds of another miscarriage are really low. I have a 6 month old baby after two chemical pregnancies and she is a result of clomid. I'm already torn over wanting a second (I had convinced myself I would never even manage to have one) and being afraid of it all going wrong and having to grieve the loss of the second child I may never have.

As time goes on I feel more able to entertain the idea. Given you get pregnant quickly, can you wait a couple of months, live life and see how you feel then? With your other DC at 10 and 6, an extra year isn't that big a deal in age terms I don't think. If you get pregnant tomorrow you'd be due in the 2021/22 academic year, and if you got pregnant in six months you'd still be due in the 2021/22 year. I understand people wanting specific age gaps, but I guess having had fertility treatment I am acutely aware how things rarely pan out as planned..! Smile

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Daffodil21 · 31/01/2021 10:47

I'm sorry to hear of your MMC, particularly how drawn out it was.

After my first mc we decided to try again straight away. I remember saying 'maybe we should wait a bit' but it was too late by then, we had already conceived again. We decided to try again straight away because we didn't want to waste anymore time (it had taken about 9 months to conceive the first time). Unfortunately that also ended in a mc, and this time we decided to wait for my periods to return to 'normal' (they're not really normal) which took 4 months, just to give my body a break because 2 failed pregnancies in a row felt like enough to be putting my body through, without adding a third.

Anyway, it took another 5 months or so to conceive again, which again failed. We decided to try again straight away, and lo and behold, conceived again right away. This time I was taking meds to hopefully help things progress (and so far so good).

However after the first loss, each pregnancy was approached as just that, a pregnancy. Not a baby. We have been very guarded and each time have been realistic and prepared for it to fail. We have definitely been detached and I can't think of actually having a baby yet (although it is getting harder not to think of it as a baby as it is now starting to look like one!). I've also already had 4 scans and I'm only just approaching 12 weeks, because I'm just constantly worried that it's stopped.

I guess if you feel you're able to potentially put yourself through it again, and be prepared for things to go either way, then as long as medically it's ok for you to start thing again, then it's ok to do so.

Also, please don't let my experience out you off TTC again, I've had 3 and don't have any children, so it is likely there is something else going on, hence the meds I'm on. It is rare to have 3 or more MCs, and most people who have one go on to having a successful pregnancy the next time

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Marty13 · 03/02/2021 00:21

I had an early loss and tried immediately again. The fact that it didn't work out didn't change my reasons for wanting another one in the first place. To be fair the loss wasn't devastating to me as it was early (6wk something) and I just saw it as a bunch of cells. I was more upset about the age gap getting bigger and having to get pregnant again (as doing so required medical help).

My next pregnancy worked out fine.

Everyone's different but the real question is, do you want a third ? If you do I'd go for it. If you're not sure then you should explore that feeling and get to the bottom of it.

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