It’s all over, Christmas miscarriage

[Lbiddis]

Sorry to message such a sad message on Christmas Day but feeling very lost and lonely and can’t reach out to my family as it will ruin their day.

After 2 days of bleeding and clots at 6 weeks I have just done a pregnancy test and it’s negative. What an end to 2020. I’m so sad, we were so happy and it was this lovely light at the end of the tunnel and now I just feel empty and lost.

I’m a teacher and this year has been so difficult, stress levels through the roof and worrying the stress was affecting my chances to conceive so it was wonderful when we found out (and did like 9 tests to check). I don’t even know how I can face the stress of school year again in January.

Although I’m tier 2 my family all live in tier 4 so my plans just ended on Saturday and so just me and my partner, I just really want a hug from my mum and sister. Feel so lonely, no one knows except my partner who is lovely but finds it all very different to talk about and wants me to wait til my appointment on 4th just in case but I can just tell it’s ended, the feelings have changed and I don’t have the need to pee constantly and the negative test just confirmed it.

Sorry for just moaning, this is supposed to be a lovely day but I’m just broken x

@Lbiddis I wish I had seen your post on Christmas Day - I miscarried that day too 😞 Merry bloody Christmas to us 🤦🏼‍♀️ I was only 5 weeks but it's my 2nd miscarriage this year (last one was Sept at 9weeks). Totally understand the bleakness you're now facing in Jan. I'm trying to be positive. At least we've successfully got pregnant, that's a huge thing in itself. Just need to get ourselves a sticky bean now, and we WILL. 2020 has been diabolical. 2021 will be better and each new cycle brings new hope. Good luck, and sending huge virtual hugs xx

@AMS19 I'm so sorry to read your post. So devastating and I know exactly what you're going through. I know it's the weirdest thing to do with a bloated pregnancy tummy but I had a huge drink when I found out back in September - before my procedure so still technically pregnant, so don't feel you can't if you need one. For me, it had to be super strong cocktails. I don't know why but I just felt I needed strong liquor and sugar. It helped me psychologically to reclaim my body too I think. It was no longer a protective home, and I needed to take the control back and make it mine to do what I wanted with again.
I know it isn't what you want to think about but the procedure is very quick and pretty painless physically - even after, I only had very mild cramping and light bleeding. You can start trying again in a couple of weeks if you feel up to it. It's absolutely shit, but slowly you start to heal and you will get pregnant again. Keep the faith. And absolutely do NOT feel guilty. Something was wrong, your body is amazing and knew that. Soon you'll be pregnant again and things will be different. Sending strength and huge virtual hugs xxxx

So sorry to everyone, especially those currently going through it.

I had my third miscarriage at the beginning of the month and it is tough at this time of year.

@BubsNumber2inTheMaking thanks so much. I had actually meant to say I was upset at being able to drink! I did drink because I could but it made me feel sad I wasn't pretending to drink.

I'm so so sorry to read what has happened to you. How are you? I know it is a ridiculous question but are you coping? I'm off to get my covid test today ready for surgery Wednesday so at least now it feels like things are moving. I'm trying SO hard to stay positive but my mind always ends up in the dark place maybe we will never get our baby. My body has held on now for weeks and won't let go even though there is no baby anymore. So sad! Sending you lots of love xx

So sorry for your loss. We found out our 10week old lost his heartbeat on the 23rd and it has broken me. We were going to announce Christmas Day but obviously didn't. I kept my ivf meds going so I didn't start the miscarriage Christmas Day or yesterday but will start soon I expect now I've stopped the medication.

It's hard seeing everyone happy and them not knowing when you're so broken inside. I couldn't ruin their Christmas though like ours was. We were surrounded by children on Christmas Day and I sat and played with my youngest niece/goddaughter all day which was lovely and actually a comfort to hold a baby that was still mine in some way.

Cillín will always be my son though. He was part of me, I saw his heart beating, I saw him move, I felt his love and I know he felt mine. He'll be my baby I will just have to wait longer to hold properly.

We are all here for you and virtually hugging you to get you through this hard time xx

@magpiecounter I'm so so sorry 😞 I know exactly how you feel, we were going to tell our family Christmas day and instead had to hide the pain. Luckily (weird saying that now) we are in lockdown so wasn't allowed to see any family F2F which helped a bit. Sending you lots of love xx

@AMS19 ah I see! Yes I know what you mean about sad to be drinking - I think that's another reason why I like super strong cocktails - the sugar perks me up and the alcohol knocks my socks off 🤣 somehow that seems better than just sipping on a glass of wine I don't really want as what I ACTUALLY want is a baby 🤦🏼‍♀️
Thanks for checking in. I'm doing ok, just sad. This time round is much easier than the last as so much earlier, so more similar to a heavy period. The bleeding is already getting much lighter so should be over in a day or two...then on to the next! Really hoping I ovulate next month so we can just get cracking again. Something's got to stick EVENTUALLY...so I keep telling myself. 🙄
How are you coping?? It's so so hard when bubs is still inside and you're waiting for the procedure. I remember the feeling all too clearly and my heart goes out to you 😔 I found it easier once it was over and done with...the thing with hitting rock bottom is there is only one way left to go and that is UP. You will get your baby. I'm sure of it. You've managed to conceive and I really think that's the hardest bit. Something was off chromosomally (making up words?) this time but there is no reason that will happen next time. Let yourself be sad and grieve the loss but know that this is not the end. Keep the faith 😘xxx

@BubsNumber2inTheMaking thanks so much they were really great words and definitely what I needed to hear. We fell pregnant first cycle trying so felt so lucky. And now feel so unlucky. I'm praying that now my body has had 3 months off the pill, even if most of that has been pregnant, it will be in better shape. I'm definitely just wanting it out now, I still feel sick and have nausea which makes me mad! I cannot wait to see a negative pregnancy test and get cracking again. I'm reading It Starts With The Egg and on a mission to do everything I can to give myself the best possible chance. The likelyhood is nothing I'm doing will help, because as you say like was a chromosome issue, but I have to feel like I'm doing SOMETHING. This TTC stuff literally drives you insane! Fingers crossed this is just a bump in the road and next Xmas we both have our rainbow babies xx

@dinglethedragon

It's a really shitty thing to happen any time of year - but you have the triple whammy of Covid and Christmas - be kind to yourself today, do what you need to do to get through it.

I know you don't want to spoil your family's Christmas - but if you are close, and they are good people, they will want to support you right now. X

What's worse is when you have to go into hospital alone to miscarry because your husband isn't allowed to come. I did the ivf alone so I guess I can do the end alone too!

@AMS19 yes, I'm the same - feeling like I'm doing SOMETHING definitely makes it feel better. Be warned that it took me a full 2 weeks to get a negative pregnancy test after d&c, although could well be quicker for you. Mine still had a heartbeat at the time of procedure which could account for higher hcg readings.
Anyway, all will be fine and recovery is quick. Sending positive vibes your way, and yes as you say - we'll have our rainbows by this time next year! 🤞🤞🤞xxxx

@BubsNumber2inTheMaking to be honest I would be happy with 2 weeks. I was expecting it to take 4-5 weeks for a negative test. 2 is definitely good. I think the first month we are going to do NTNP and avoid the OPKs/BBT tracking. Then after my first proper period I'll get back on it properly. Praying it won't have messed up my cycles which were a lovely 28 days before the MMC!!
Please keep me updated on how you're getting on! Xx

Hello everyone. So sorry for your losses.

I had an early scan on the 16th and found out the baby had died in the past few days. It took forever for the early pregnancy unit to get back to me following my referral but on Christmas Eve I had a scan and was then booked in for surgery on the 31st. I started miscarrying naturally yesterday, on Boxing Day, and it's still ongoing so now I'm not sure whether I still have surgery or not. I'll ring tomorrow and find out.

Either way it's all been pretty awful and I'm dreading going back to work in a week, as most of my holiday has been taken up with dealing with the loss and miscarriage. I am completely wiped out, physically and emotionally. It had been a really stressful year at work which left me feeling close to burn out at the end of the year.

Are any of you planning to take extra time at the beginning of January before going back? I want to but also think it will make the rest of the month that much more stressful if I don't get started on the things I need doing.

Hi @ginandtonic80 so sorry. I'm booked in for surgery on Wednesday. I havent had any bleeding at all, but looks like I lost the baby 3 weeks ago, so don't think my body is going to let go. I asked at EPU what to do if I had bleeding and they said to still come in as usual and they will scan me first and decide if they should still go ahead with the surgery. Luckily I'm not working next week then back on 6th so have a little bit of time to deal with it. So glad NYE is basically cancelled this year so I don't have to brave face anything. It is so bloody tough isn't it?! This was our first (please God let it be our last) miscarriage. We fell pregnant first cycle trying and felt so lucky. Are you planning to try again?

Thank you @AMS19

It was my first too. Pregnant month three after coming off the pill and like you felt very lucky. I'm 40 so we'd expected it to take much longer.

I will try again after this, but I don't think I have it in me to go through this numerous times.

@ginandtonic80 have you read It Starts with the Egg? Would highly recommend doing so if not. I'm using that to try and put myself in the best position for next time

Hi all, so sad to read all of these posts. I found out on 3rd December I'd had a mmc at what should have been 7w. Baby had a heartbeat just a few days prior. I had an ERCP on the 7th. I have a post-op scan on Tuesday where I'm hoping (praying) my womb is clear (feels awful writing that). I haven't done a test yet. I'm too frightened that it might be still positive. This was my third pregnancy but first miscarriage. It's crushed me and I feel totally heartbroken for the many women who sadly have to endure this shitstorm repeatedly. We won't be actively ttc again, I feel blessed to have my two girls, but we'll go with a "what will be, will be" approach. It's been 20 days since the op so I'm on period watch now (assuming no more retained tissue). Just really hope my body remembers my regular cycle.

@dippyegg32 very similar situation here to you. Have 2dc, this was surprise 3rd pregnancy, miscarried in the first week of December at 10 weeks, discovered it had stopped growing just a few days after a scan at 6+5 where heartbeat and good size were seen. Miscarried naturally but an incomplete miscarriage, back on January 4th to see if it's finished now, but as the last appointment just showed womb lining was too thick and I have my period now bang on my normal cycle I'm hopeful. We also will be taking a what will be will be approach, even though I really don't want to risk going through this mess again.

I'm so sorry I thought I was replying to a different thread and don't me to sound so selfish posting twice telling my whole story!

I'm sorry for everyone experiencing this. We lost our son the first week of December at 16 weeks and Christmas day was 3 weeks to the day that I delivered him.

We buried him two weeks ago. Christmas has been very hard but having other children has given me a reason to try and get through it.

We dont know what happened and I have more tests in January to try and figure out what happened.

Take care everyone

Sorry for all the losses on here. Spending NYE in bed alone reading about miscarriage has to be an all time low right...

The whole Xmas/NY period has been awful. I miscarried on Boxing Day, (5 weeks) it has almost finished now and been awful. Thinking back Christmas Day was the first moment my symptoms disappeared since finding out. The only day I didn't have morning sickness but I thought I was just distracted by the lovely day. We had such a nice time and because I now know things inside me were gearing up for a miscarriage I feel weird about Christmas all round, like it's tainted now.

@BubsNumber2inTheMaking similar to you this was my second (mc in July) and this is TTC #2. I'm currently torn between carrying straight on in the hope of an immediate happy ending or having a massive break from TTC because I can't take a massive disappointment again.

@ginandtonic80 I am the same dilemma in terms of work. I worked up to Xmas Eve, and the miscarriage started on Boxing Day. All the time off will have been absorbed by the miscarriage and immediate recovery. I feel by Monday I'll only just be in a position where the bleeding has stopped, I'm moving around / doing normal stuff and hopefully don't look deathly pale. However, I'll be nowhere near 100% or raring to go. Similarly if I take the 1st week off or something my work will be all thrown up in the air, will have to action some stuff to send others instructions etc so am I better just going in..?! I work in a very specialist role so no one can cover in full. I'm not particularly important but just have specialist knowledge which isn't easy to pass on.

I also feel silly taking time off for a 5 week miscarriage, when it would have already been a week since. However I am emotionally and physically broken. Have you decided what you will do about work?

@lamby12 I think I've decided to take an extra two days and return to work on Thursday rather than Tuesday. I figure there's a solid four days of my holiday that I've spent in hospital / physically ill, not taking into account the emotional toll. And an extra two days will make a real difference to me, without totally screwing my workload when I return.

Like you, noone is going to do my job while I'm away, it will just wait until I'm back!

Happy new year everyone! Wishing you all a much happier, baby-filled 2021 ❤️

@Maybe83 my heart goes out to you. That must have been utterly horrific, I'm so sorry for your loss 😞

@lamby12 I'm sorry you're in the same boat as me. It's so rubbish. You must do whatever you feel you need to. No one will judge you. Just look after yourself 💕

25 days post ERPC and I still have retained tissue I've got three weeks of expectant management before they'd do medical management. I want this shitstorm over.

I'm so sorry :( I started to miscarry at 5 weeks 2 days on Christmas Eve too and finally stopped bleeding yesterday. I had a 4-5 week miscarriage in November too, so two in a row.
I hope you are doing ok. It's a very lonely experience. x