Recovering after an ectopic

[NigellasMicrowave]

I am a week on after being diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. It was my first pregnancy and I’m ever so disappointed and sad. I miss being pregnant and the way I felt, of such hope for the future.

I was treated with methotrexate and my hcg levels are going down, just very slowly, so I am waiting to hear if I need to go back for round two, on Christmas Eve.

In the meantime, I feel constantly tearful and lethargic. I am normally the type of person who will get up, and have another go, so having to wait several months before TTC again feels like torture. I am not sure how I will get through it.

Ten of our friends and family are expecting babies at the moment, most of whom live very close by and with whom we see often. The prospect of seeing pregnant bellies and new babies so close in age to what ours would have been is the most painful thing. I just want to hide away forever. I am so angry that they get to have a baby, and my arms will be so empty. I keep trying to find meaning as to why we were chosen for this experience, but I can’t find any answers. I saw a baby in a shop today and nearly burst into tears.

I’ve been referred to the psychological support unit at the early pregnancy unit but I have no idea when I might get help from it. I just can’t face the prospect of months and months of feeling this way.

I’ve seen you on another thread over on the conception board so hello again. It’s a horrible thing that’s happened and you would be heartless to not feel the hurt you do now.

I totally feel you on people around you being pregnant, all of my friends who started trying after me were pregnant and I was happy when I thought I had finally joined the club! And then you have the crushing blow of learning it wasn’t meant to be. Most of my friends have had their babies now and here I am with nothing. It’s difficult, the happier I am for someone the sadder it is for me still, it’s very bittersweet and strange.

Take the support and therapy, busy yourself with work or a hobby. I promise you will start feeling better. I’m 10 and a half weeks on and I feel way more normal now but progress was stagnant for a while, but you will get there. You will have very down days still like I do on my period, but on the flip side you will find yourself having days where it isn’t what has occupied your mind all day and isn’t the end of the world. Some days I do feel so down it’s like a physical pain but I try and tell myself tomorrow won’t be as bad and I’m right.

I’m still waiting to understand how this fits into my story but I hope we both understand one day. I am wishing you all the best, I remember where I was a week after and it’s was so hard to get my head around and didn’t understand how everything around me was carrying on as normal. I wish I could make it better for you. Please take time to indulge and relax over Xmas and be nice to yourself, you deserve it ❤️