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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

What helped you to feel better

23 replies

LittleBangles · 09/12/2020 22:30

I'm recovering from an early MMC and then ERPC at the weekend after 2 years TTC! Feel exhausted and very sad.
Just wondering what has worked for people to feel a bit better.
Managed to do some stretching earlier which helped.
Hugs to anyone going through this
x

OP posts:
Neolara · 09/12/2020 22:35

Honestly, just time. I had 4 MC. I felt pretty terrible after each one but after a while, things stopped feeling so bleak.By the last one, I knew I just had to wait it out.

I'm sorry that you lost your baby.

NovemberR · 09/12/2020 22:42

I hope this won't make things worse, and I don't want to be insensitive.
I had several early miscarriages (but have since been able to have DC) and I sort of comforted myself by telling myself that it meant that the baby wasn't growing properly and it was nature's way. I would have found it very difficult to cope with a child with really severe disabilities and little quality of life. I hope you feel better soon, OP.

User0ne · 09/12/2020 22:46

Time

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

PEKitInAJaneNormanBag · 09/12/2020 22:47

So sorry OP. I had a mmc four years ago. Thinking back what helped me was little hobbies - I started some cross stitch, bought some new books, just little things like that partly as a treat after a shit time and partly to feel like I was doing something new and different.

jackstini · 09/12/2020 22:50

Talking to others that had gone through similar
Hugs (appreciate that might not be the easiest right now)
Time
Wine

Sorry for your loss Thanks

Original poster
LittleBangles · 09/12/2020 22:50

Thank you everyone above for answering and I am sorry for your losses x
It has made me feel less alone thank you

OP posts:
Labobo · 10/12/2020 08:24

Physically: Floradix - the veggie liquid iron supplement - helped me feel less washed out.
Mentally - we bought a tree and planted it in a big pot in honour of the lost baby. That helped more than you'd think.

Kiflon · 10/12/2020 08:53

@LittleBangles sorry for your loss.
This may not fit for you, but I gave myself permission to feel every inch of sadness and anger about it. Sometimes I went for a drive just to scream at full volume in my car. But I also didn’t go into full mourning and avoid silly chats or jokes with friends, and comedies and the beauty or lighter things in life. It helped me to read lots of other women’s accounts of miscarriage, and take walks at night. The sayings about how things get better with time are kind of trite but I also put my faith in them, and it’s been true for me.
Of course I don’t know your fertility situation, but as I could reliably assume that it was chromosomal problems because of my age, I personally found it helpful to hold on to the idea that rather than losing my imagined healthy child, this was probably me not having to go through an ending later on, which personally I would have found harder to cope with. Anyway warm wishes to you going through this

marplemead · 10/12/2020 09:56

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers
I'm going through my third MC. Agree with what others have said. Time really does help, and finding ways to remember your baby eases the pain in those early days. We all deal with grief in different ways, so do whatever makes you feel better. It can hit you in waves. Yesterday, I was feeling better and went for a short walk. Today, I can't even get out of bed.

Original poster
LittleBangles · 10/12/2020 11:14

I'm so sorry for your losses Flowers
marplemead I am so sorry that you are going through this right now too x if you can stay in bed today then why not.

I had an injury in a fall which may or may not have caused my MC so it's hard not to feel guilty.
I love the idea of planting a tree or plant to remember
It really has helped reading these answers

OP posts:
PEKitInAJaneNormanBag · 10/12/2020 13:48

Again, this might be only my own experiences but I really appreciated my friends who agreed with me how shit and sad my experience was, but chatted about their own lives, sent jokes and funny memes, and articles about stuff I’d find interesting. Just normal, friendly stuff. One of my best friends was almost too (I don’t know how to articulate this) invested in my experience on my behalf. For weeks afterwards she was like ‘Oh 😢 isn’t it awful, I’m so sad for you’ which didn’t help when I was trying to pick myself up. My MC happened on my birthday (ugh) and the next birthday I had she messaged me saying ‘I can’t imagine how hard today is for you, you must be having a hard day, etc etc etc.’ Actually, despite obviously remembering it, I’d been enjoying a lovely day with my DS and DH (and was happily pregnant again with DD) but I was immediately reminded of it all and felt sad all over again. She is a nice person but her reaction was really strange compared to my other friends.

marplemead · 10/12/2020 15:00

Please don't blame yourself. Baby would have been very well protected inside your womb, so a fall is very unlikely to have caused your MC. I really wish they wouldn't keep showing this on TV. A plant or a tree is a lovely idea. A word of caution though. I bought a plant in remembrance after my first mc, but I was rubbish at watering it and it eventually died. I found that quite upsetting. We decided to cremate this time around, and scattered the ashes on our young cherry tree.

Original poster
LittleBangles · 10/12/2020 21:32

Thank you. I hope you are feeling a bit better?
I had to go out today so had to get tarted up and that helped, plus listening to other people talking all day and getting me out of my head helped.
x

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 10/12/2020 21:34

I am sorry for your loss
My mc was 16 years ago and the only thing that has helped is time
I’m not over it and never will be but it only hurts sometimes and I forget it even happened occasionally now

Saltycinnamon · 10/12/2020 21:36

I had some counselling through my hospital (I had a few MCs) which really helped. I’d never considered it & only had 3 sessions but it gave me an outlet & a feeling that I was doing something to help myself. Would definitely recommend if it’s available to you.

Original poster
LittleBangles · 12/12/2020 23:13

Hi @marplemead, just wondering how you are doing?

OP posts:
Diorissimo1985 · 12/12/2020 23:33

@LittleBangles I’m sorry that you are going through this. I’ve had two MC and I agree that time is the thing that helps in terms of emotional recovery. Physically however I recommend an iron supplement, lots of hot bubble baths with Badedas, drink lots of water, eat nourishing food and try gentle walks and some easy yoga.
Flowers for you OP

Original poster
LittleBangles · 12/12/2020 23:47

Thanks Diorissimo, I can't wait to have a bath!!! Am off baths for another week as I had an ERPC. But they do seem to make everything better, that and tea!
And thanks re the suggestions of counselling above too!
I feel a bit better about what happened but have now switched to obsesses worried about whether I should have taken the surgical management now I have read about Asherman's. Why is nothing simple?

OP posts:
alphabetti · 13/12/2020 08:31

So sorry for people going through miscarriage especially at this time of year after such a challenging year. Sept 2019 I thought was 11weeks pregnant and had the tiniest bit of bright red bleeding. Had a scan at EPU who saw a heartbeat but on a baby measuring 5weeks4days. They arranged scan for 1 weeks time but I knew things were bad outcome as dates did not match at all. Within the week I had full miscarriage and the scan confirmed every part had left my body.

The following weeks were so difficult but I kept reminding myself that my body had recognised the little baby would probably have difficulties in life if it survived so it was kinder to let it go. We also had couple of weekends away which I wouldn’t have done if still pregnant.

I then fell pregnant 5mth later and have a healthy baby girl who is now 10 days old. I was 36 when had miscarriage and knew was probably my age and felt defeated but gave birth to this baby girl at 37 so even tho miscarriage might seem higher odds it doesn’t mean it will happen again.

Grieve for your baby but also reach out to your friends/family as although I wanted to keep private it did help to speak to those who I knew cared and we found that others had been through same and went on to have healthy pregnancies which gave us hope.

marplemead · 13/12/2020 08:49

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better LittleBangles. I think it's normal to feel anxious about everything right now. It does get easier.

The heavy bleeding has finally stopped after a week, and I am feeling a bit more positive about the future. I'm pretty sure everything is gone now - have a scan tomorrow to confirm.

I think I will seek out some counselling this time too.

Original poster
LittleBangles · 13/12/2020 09:09

Really glad the worst is over for you marplemead and that you feel more positive.
I will do my best now to hold hope, its been a hard few months, I lost my dad too before this happened. I want to protect my relationship with DP, he is my rock.
Alphabetti thank you for your hopeful words!

OP posts:
PumpkinEverything · 13/12/2020 13:33

I’m going through this at the moment as well, I had my surgery on Tuesday. I felt like a weight had lifted afterwards and felt like I could move on, but the last few days I have felt such an overwhelming amount of sadness and keep bursting into tears. I’m wondering if it’s also my hormones contributing to this, and I wish it would stop as it’s making me feel very alone, even though I’m not. What I’ve been trying to do this week is to get outside for some fresh air every day. I’ve also did a little bit of colouring which was nice. Yesterday we went to a few shops and then had a dinner out since our lockdown lifted. This helped distract me a lot which was nice. We’re going to the cinema today for the first time since the start of the year to watch a Christmas film so I’m hoping that helps.
I find keeping busy is probably the best thing to do, and to keep talking about it and letting myself cry instead of trying to hold it in like I normally would do when things upset me.

Original poster
LittleBangles · 13/12/2020 15:35

Hi @PumpkinEverything, I am so sorry for your loss Flowers
It sounds like you are doing nice mix of active/ going out things but also allowing the emotions to come at home. I had a quite similar experience after the surgery last Saturday, the next day I felt good when I woke up for the first time in weeks. 4 days later I woke up crying that day and cried almost all day. I wonder if it was the hormones crashing. After that day I felt a bit better.

I hope the film was good and it was a novelty being in a cinema after so long!

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