Really struggling after miscarriage

[Jr9901]

I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant on Sunday. I felt ‘ok’ about it, well obviously devastated but I was coping ok up until today and I just feel like it’s all hit me like a bus.

I think it most be hormones as it’s gotten rapidly much much worse. I feel really really low like I don’t care about anything, can’t feel positive about anything..including my 10 month old daughter I feel awful to say :( I’ve never had any bonding issues with her and never had any post partum depression but I feel like this is what they describe as PPD as I feel so distant from her and like I just feel overwhelmed with looking after her.

I’ve never felt this bad before and I didn’t feel this bad when I found out the baby had stopped developing last week or even directly after the miscarriage so I’m guessing it’s hormones messing me up.

I’m self employed so couldn’t get time off and tried to go back to work on Monday but completely fell to pieces today. I had to tell my client what had happened who fortunately has been fantastic and we’ve agreed I’ll pick things back up next week as long as I’m feeling ok to. I feel like a total failure at work and at home as I’m not coping with anything. My husband is trying but he’s very pragmatic and I get the impression doesn’t think it’s too big a deal because it’s an early loss.

Is it normal to feel this awful afterwards? I’m worried it’s given me some sort of chemical PPD and messed my head up as I feel like I’m a bloody hole at the moment :( just want to be on my own and feel overwhelmed by work or parenting duties but I know I have to sort myself out quickly.

I'm sorry for your loss ❤️ in my experience it is normal to have delayed emotions. I did feel like I could feel my hormone levels dropping and that made me very emotional.

I understand the desire to just get on with things and be normal but you've had a big shock and you're grieving. It's OK that you and your partner are processing the loss differently. But you don't have to be OK just because he seems OK. It is painful and I tried to push the pain down but that meant I got a bit stuck with my grief, I've learnt to accept I'll have bad days. Go gently with yourself xx

Oh lovely, it is so so normal to feel like this. I'm so sorry for your loss too. You need to be kind to yourself and take time to heal. The hormones will be through soon and you will start to feel a bit better soon, but still, take it easy

Thank you for your messages. I feel like a weight has lifted a bit for having a day off work, when I look back I had a really simple task to do at work and had a total meltdown with hysterical crying so was definitely not the right place to be! I usually love my job but just feel like I can’t focus on anything. I’ve been so snappy and horrible to my husband and even my mum when we chatted too and they were definitely not deserving of it, they’re trying their best! I was just alarmed at how quickly my mood went low, it felt scary like I would lose control or something. I usually love spending time with my daughter especially when I’ve not seen her at work but I literally felt like I couldn’t be bothered and I just wanted to be on my own.

I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid but I do feel like with an early loss people expect you to move on quite quickly, my husband and mum have both been a bit like that. I know they don’t mean it to be hurtful but I almost feel like I’m being a drama queen or something for being so upset.