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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

My miscarriage story

3 replies

sweetacidrain050517 · 21/11/2020 14:24

Me and my husband started our ttc journey in June 2019. We naively assumed we would get pregnant right away since my son (different father btw) was conceived in one month without trying. As the months went on, we became more and more worried because it just wasn't happening. In September I had totally gave up ttc and decided to try next year and focus on losing weight to see if that would increase my odds. I deleted all of my pregnancy apps and focused on exercise and dieting. Fast forward to October, my period was due and I notice it was a little late. I redownloaded my apps to see how late I was and the app said I was 5 days late...the next day, I took a test and the lines showed up dark and fast...I took another and the same thing. We were so happy. Finally! A pregnancy after so many months. Me and my husband were so happy. We told our moms and siblings and everyone was happy for us.

Then came the storm. November 15, early morning...I felt a gush if fluid and I rushed to the bathroom and I began to spot. I was so scared, I told my husband this isn't normal we need to go to the ER. My pelvis began to cramp and I felt myself losing my pregnancy symptoms. I was crying and when we got there, they did a transvag ultrasound. I could tell by the look on the techs face, it wasn't good. We could see the baby on the ultrasound but it wasn't much there. After the ultrasound the bleeding picked up and the doctor labeled it as a Threatened abortion. When I read the paper my heart sank! The baby only measured 6 weeks and 2 days when I should have been measuring at 8 weeks. I felt in my gut the baby had stopped progressing long before I realized. Later that night, we went back to the ER Because now, my whole stomach was cramped like I was in labor and my back was hurting excruciatingly. When we got there, the doctor told me my body was most likely getting nready to miscarry. I cried so hard in the hospital, the nurse was almost in tears...I got home and cried more. I prayed and cried so hard my fave and eyes hurt. I was almost sick from all the crying. The next day was full of sadness mmthe bleeding picked up and I was hurting. Both physically and emotionally. My OBGYN told me to go have another ultrasound done to see if the baby was progressing and if not they would force my body to miscarry...two days ago, I went back to the hospital because I was starting to feel light-headed from all the bleeding. They told me that they would give me another ultrasound and a urine test. The ultrasound tech showed me the screen and there was nothing there anymore. My body had completely miscarried, but by the hat time. I had come to peace with it I've cried and cried and I don't think I can anymore. This is the most painful thing I have ever gone through in life! I would not even wish this on my worst enemy. We had so many plans for this baby!! even now me and my husband are talking about trying again for a baby but I'm very very scared. I don't think I'm equipped emotionally to handle another miscarriage.. I really hope that it does not take as long to get pregnant again and that is never happens again

OP posts:
Krazynights34 · 21/11/2020 14:32

I’m sorry to hear this OP.
It’s obviously distressed you greatly.
Perhaps seeking counselling (perhaps bereavement counselling?) could help.
As many women on here will tell you, it’s dreadful losing a pregnancy.
Personally I had two early miscarriages (at 6 weeks and 9 weeks) and a stillborn baby at full term. The latter experience destroyed me for a very long time.
Don’t rush into anything just yet but give yourself time to heal and be kind to yourself.
I wish you luck.

sweetacidrain050517 · 21/11/2020 14:37

Thanks so much! Yes, I was getting therapy right before the pregnancy due to low seratonin (however you spell it) levels..I stopped taking the pills when I was pregnant but I will continue to do so now that I'm no longer pregnant. (I was prescribed in October). I'm also going to go to therapy again. I could use it! Sorry for your loss as well!

OP posts:
Krazynights34 · 21/11/2020 18:49

Ah bless. I was the same. After my first miscarriage I was on antidepressants. Came off them when I accidentally fell pregnant. When I had the stillbirth I almost died too so it took an awful lot to get over. I reluctantly went back on antidepressants after six months when I started feeling suicidal. Were it not for my bereavement counselling I wouldn’t be here!
I didn’t want another pregnancy but somehow fell pregnant again. The embryo stopped growing at 6 weeks but I didn’t miscarry so I had to have medical assistance. Honestly, it’s awful to say but I felt nothing for that pregnancy.
I tried ivf a couple of years later but it didn’t work (I was 41 then).
3 months after ivf I was accidentally pregnant again- I have my daughter now. However she has several severe disabilities (it’s not genetic, so just my bad luck!).
I adore her but I must be honest and say at 45 with a 3 year old who can’t walk or talk (but can make lots of noise and babbling and is wonderful) it’s tough going!
I’m hoping things work out for you. It’s hard being a woman sometimes

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