Struggling after late miscarriage

[lostandlonely20]

I found out at our 19 week scan that our baby had died and gave birth to our son in early September. I live abroad with my husband and we only moved in March so we were in lockdown and then I was pregnant with bad morning sickness so I haven't really made any friends here.

My husband works full time but I don't have a job and so am alone at home every day. I am feeling more and more depressed and isolated and I don't know how to lift myself out of it. I'm trying all the usual things - exercise, meditation etc but nothing has worked this week and I have just cried and cried every day. I also have several friends whose due dates are around now and i can't help but feel intense jealousy and I just feel really bitter that other people get to experience a very different birth to me full of anticipation and joy, and will have happy Christmasses with their babies, when I will be here for christmas, away from my family, with no baby.

I am part of a counselling group here which is now online due to corona but it is all in a foreign language so hard to really say how I feel. Due to corona there are no exercise classes or meetups to go and meet people, I can't fly back to the UK to see my family, I can't find a job and I feel that most people have moved on from the loss now, apart from me, I never hear from any of my friends. The only positive I have is my husband, but even he is struggling with me crying all the time. I went to my GP here and she said I just need to work through it.

I just feel so low and isolated and devastated about losing our baby and I don't know what to do to get through the next few months.

Hey @lostandlonely20, I lost my baby just before 20 weeks back in June, it is such a difficult thing to go through and very difficult not to feel alone as nobody really understands unless they have been through similar themselves. The best thing I can recommend is just to focus on getting through each day and seeing that as an achievement rather than thinking about the next few months, it is still very early days for you.

@lostandlonely20 I am so very sorry for your loss. It is still such early days for you so please don’t expect too much from yourself.

I lost my son at 17 weeks in March and there are still (many) days I just want to stay in bed due to feeling such intense loss. Getting on with life is so tough. I feel like I’m faking it for the best part but for now that’s the best I can do.

There is a charity called petals (based in England) that are currently offering zoom counselling. Maybe you could reach out to them? They helped me enormously. Also, there’s some good books written by Zoe Clark- Coates around grief and baby loss which I found useful too. She’s also on Instagram and shares some comforting words.

I think connecting with people who feel like you do helps to not feel so isolated. Sending you so much love and strength OP. It must be so hard being away from home too.