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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

HI I'M NEW TO THIS - RECENT MISCARRIAGE

20 replies

jules28 · 21/10/2004 11:44

I miscarried our first baby in September. Feeling low due to other things too. Haven't quite come to terms with it - did anyone else miscarry recently? Would love to talk, if anyone is going through the same thing at this time.

OP posts:

pamina3 · 21/10/2004 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

jules28 · 21/10/2004 11:58

Hi, yes first time. I thought 12 weeks but foetus only 5/6 weeks' size wise. Had slight bleeding so went for 12 week scan.

Thanks for replying - you never quite know if there's anyone out there! Seems like a good site to offload and encourage others.

OP posts:

MINNIE1 · 21/10/2004 12:13

Hi Jules28,
Welcome and i am sorry to hear about your m/c, I too had a m/c in june 04'...
I honestly think that the pain never goes away.. I would have been due this xmas...
Its a hard time and you need to give yourself time.
Will you try again jules??

littleweed · 21/10/2004 12:21

just to say I miscarried a few weeks ago at 8 wks. Whole thing was a real shock but teh support I received from Mumsnet made a while world of difference as i hadn't told anyone I was PG. Now teh whole ting is over I don't mind so much telling people but it puts a lot of strain on your emotions so come on here asa much as you want - it can't hurt and might make you fell a bit better to know you have support. big hugs LW

Original poster

jules28 · 21/10/2004 12:25

Thanks guys - yes I want to try again but finding things a bit difficult at the mo - as I don't really understand how I'm feeling - just that I'm low. Lost a job recently just before I knew I was pg and so it's been a difficult time

OP posts:

MINNIE1 · 21/10/2004 12:45

You feel like the whole world is against you, cause i know i did..
Are you lookin for a new one? As soon as you back in work you may feel you life is getting back together.. I had taken a few weeks of cause i had a d&C and was waiting to have it done, could'nt face work.. but waiting around was the hard part.. As soon as i got back in the saddle i felt ok i can get on and do this..
Have you other chrildren??
I'm trying for my first and its proven hard!!

Azure · 21/10/2004 13:55

I had a miscarriage a year ago (to the day) and a second miscarriage a month ago. I've been trying to conceive #2 for two years. With DS (3) I got pregnant really quickly and had a completely trouble-free pregnancy. It took me a long time to come to terms with my m/c last year, and even now I can still feel depressed and tearful (not now helped by the second m/c). A m/c is not something you get over, just learn to live with. It is a bereavement and the same feelings of anger, hurt, denial etc apply. I believe that it is difficult for someone who has not had a m/c to fully understand the affect it can have for a long time - it can therefore be difficult to talk about with a DH/P or friend. As already mentioned, there are sadly plenty of us in the same boat so please continue to write about how you feel. I'm sorry to hear about your job as well - of course you are going to feel down.

Dyzzidi · 21/10/2004 14:33

Hi I lost my first baby in September too I know how you are feeling. The low feeling i had is beginning to go away. Am hoping to have IVF in the next six months which is good news. Thinking of you, I found reading through the old threads comforting as i know I am not alone in my feelings. Hope you feel better soon x x x x

Twiga · 21/10/2004 15:14

Jules, sorry to hear about your mc and that you're feeeling low. I mc back in July this year and still have up and down days, it was my first pg. The switch from being so excited to feeling so gutted is really hard, don't be worried about just posting what you feel. I noticed you were across on the ttc thread and really hope things work out for you soon, there is also a thread for those tcc after a miscarriage, if you want to talk to others in a similar position. Be good to yourself and take care x

Uhu · 21/10/2004 15:35

I'm really sorry about your loss. I don't know if this will help but my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage in January 2003. It was a complete shock as we only found out that the foetus had perished at 8 weeks when we went for the 12 week scan. Whilst walking to the hospital, DH and I were making plans for the new addition to our family and we were deliriously happy. Walking home was the longest and most desperate journey we have ever undertaken. We decided to try again in June and by, July I was pregnant again. We were very anxious as we went for the 12 week scan in case the same thing happened again. We were over the moon when the scan revealed we were expecting twins. Now we have our DSs who were born in February, 6 weeks premature. We still think about the first child we lost and we know that we will never forget it but we have moved on. Time is indeed a great healer so don't give up.

MrsWednesday · 21/10/2004 15:49

Jules, so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It's very early days yet, you shouldn't put pressure on yourself to 'come to terms with it'. It's more a case of, in time, finding a way to live with it.

My experience in April was very similar to yours - had the tiniest little brown spot of discharge the day before my 13 week scan. At the scan we found out that the baby had died at 8 weeks, so I had to have a D&C. It's a horrible thing to happen, it seems so unfair, as everyone else is getting pregnant and sailing through with no problems. It's only when you come to places like this that you realise you're not alone.

The best thing to do is not to be too hard on yourself - cry if you feel fed up. Eat chocolate if you want. Do things that make you feel a little better. I found watching some silly DVDs took my mind off things for a while. Gradually the sad times will start to happen less frequently, and you can start to look forward again.

Thinking of you and sending big hugs.

four · 22/10/2004 11:46

Hi jules
New to this too m/c in Sept 04 at 21 weeks very difficult time mixed emotions etc.. Not coping well when have low days but I try and keep busy and block alot of it out. Feel anxious all the time and just, I dont know have that blah... feeling like I dont care or want to do anything anymore. Lots of great support heaps especially from partner and family, friends etc. But feel when Im on my own hurts the most as constantly think alot about whats happened. Hope we can be of some support to each other. Big Hugs Take care

childmindersam · 22/10/2004 12:47

hi Jules. I too had a mc at 7 weeks in july and it hit me hard. It was my 2nd pregnancy, first one fine, but my first child with my dh. Had been ttc for over a year and had gone for tests to see what was wrong! Since the mc i have been terrified every month that i was pregnant and by talking on mnet i realised i needed to give myself time to grieve for my baby ( although lots of people didnt understand this) My dh and i have decided to try again this month but im sure i will still worry. Its not really what i wanted to hear at the time but i now realise that when all those people said it happened for a reason and it does get easier they were right. I know thats hard to see now but you will soon. Take care and allow yourself to feel like you do without feeling guilty. It will happen when the time is right.

melliek · 25/10/2004 17:19

Hi Jules, sorry to hear about your loss. Unfortuately it is a common thing among us women. I have suffered a total of 4 , pretty much all around the age of 7 1/2 weeks old. I believe that there is hope and when the time is right then you will have your precious baby. It does get easier but no woman ever forgets the loss of their baby. The only advise that I can give to you is to have faith in God and what ever you do, do not shuve your feelings away and not deal with the pain. I have done that too many times and it will come back and hit you so hard. You need to grieve, now, but know that there is hope.

GymJunkie · 25/10/2004 18:46

Jules

Oh sweetheart, it is dreadful isn't ? I miscarried at about 8 weeks, having taken about 4 years to conceive. I got pregnant 3 months later and went on to have a healthy and robust Darling Boy. There is a hospice in Harrogate, hear me out, they may not be the only ones who do it , but basically you "buy" lights for the tree at Christmas. We bought some that year and do it every year and the card just says "For Baby W who didn't make it" with all our love from Mummy and Daddy. It never goes away, it just scabs over and some times the smallest thing will knock the scab off, mine hasn't been helped by the fact that BW1 due date was the same day as my good friends birthday(she died some years previously with 3 others in a tragic car accident) and also my best F's sister had her baby on that date, so now when BF's niece starts school my mind starts thinking that would have been me, but to say that denies our Darling Boy. Sorry I seem to have gone off the track slightly, basically what I am trying to say is move on, but make sure you look back from time to time, you will conceive again, you did it once and you will God willing do it again. , Sorry if this was a bit long but it knocked the scab off, which is no bad thing and healthy from time to time. My thoughts and prayers are with you much love.

JonahB · 17/11/2004 19:17

Jules/Four,

I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I had a missed m/c in July. I didn't know such a thing even existed. We'd be trying for a while, and were so joyous at finding out I was p/g, I had already told most of my friends and family. When I went for my 12 week scan, even though I had an early scan which showed a heartbeat, I had lost the baby at about 7 1/2 weeks.

I wasn't expecting to feel as low as I did after. I thought I could cope with it, i buried myself in a very busy job, and as soon as I took a week off, I fell apart. I still have good and bad days, and feel sad for the little person who never was. But its normal and healthy to grieve whichever way feels right for you. All I can promise is it does get easier. My silver lining in my cloud is that its brought me and my DH even closer, and I realise how lucky I am to have such marvellous, supportive friends.

Dont know if this is any help or comfort to you at all, but I got p/g again really quickly. I'm due for my 12 week scan on Friday, until then, I'm far too scared to join the June thread...

I hope you both get some comfort from all these messages. Whenever you need to talk, there are always people in a similar situation listening.

Big hugs to you both.

hollymolly · 09/02/2005 14:49

Hello
I miscarried at 12 weks, 4 weeks ago today, and although i have one beautiful & v healthy 2 year old daughter it is still very hard. I went to the cemetry 2 weeks after it happened to put some flowers on the little grave & that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. The tears are rolling down my face as I write this, its very tough still. None of my family have kids yet so nobldy really understands what its like. I've since learnt that only people who already have children or have had a m/c seem to understand.
Hollymolly

Bella23 · 09/02/2005 14:59

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.
I had a m/c a month ago at 10 weeks (baby had died at 6.5 weeks). This was to be our first and completely devastated us. This site has been invaluable as without it I think I would have felt very isolated.
I so agree with HollyMolly that only people who have had a m/c or have kids understand the feelig of loss.
There a few of us on the ttc thread for when you feel up to it

dawnybabs26 · 09/02/2005 15:04

Hi Jules28,

I know what your going through, so I'm sending you lots of love and big hugs

I had a missed miscarriage in november and was then told in december I'd had a partial molar pregnancy.
It was my first pregnancy and no one in my family or any of my friends had ever had a miscarriage, so I did feel quite isolated at times.

One thing I've noticed is that with a miscarriage, its not like the normal grieving process.
I still think about it everyday, but it does make me feel better to talk about it.

Take care xxx.

hollymolly · 09/02/2005 20:50

Dear Bella23

I know how u feel. My baby was underdeveloped & was the size of an 8 week foetus although i was 12 wks pregnant so i don't know when the baby died, I'm not sure I really want to know to be honest. Its nice to chat to people who've been through this also, thanks for your reply & support. By the way, if its not too personal to ask, but how do u feel aobut ttc now that the miscarriage has been confirmed? Just wondering thats all. My obstetrician told me that I could get pregnant again quite quickly, was anyone else told this?
Hugs Hollymolly

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